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The Perfect Scale for Weighing In!

Part of the game here on MFP is to weigh in. There are discussions as to how often, what brand of scale to buy, and even the most favorable conditions to weigh in under (I wrote that!) Today I was thinking about the best scale for weighing in. Why? My disturbed mind has sprung in to action.

So what is the best scale to use? Here are my thoughts.

The Muscle Scale - Goes higher when you flex in the mirror while standing on it.

The Fickle Scale - Continues to flash different weights as you watch it. The trick is stepping off at the lowest one.

The Shower Scale - It shows a lower weight before the dirt and navel lint are gone. It's confusing.

The DUH Scale - Reminds you that it is your TOM, you ate too much during the holidays, or you haven't used the rest room.

The Moveable Scale - It gives different readings depending on where it is on the bathroom floor. Unfortunately the "sweet spot" is underneath the toilet and requires standing on one foot.

The Dirty Harry Scale - Makes your day, or you get to shoot it with a .44 magnum.

The Family Scale - Weighs the kids perfectly every time. You - not so much. Credit to: CessnaHolly

The Talking Scale - Designed for the visually impaired and people who have met their goal weight. Everyone else kicks it.

The Political Scale - Tells you what you want to hear, but has nothing to do with the facts.

Produce Scale - After weighing in you print out a sticker with a bar code, place it on your forehead, and then you cneck out from the gym. I don't recommend using the one hanging over the apples and pears.

The Fortune Cookie Scale
- After weighing in, it recites a confusing saying originally by Abraham Lincoln and attributes it to Confucius. When you flip it over, it teaches you how to "I want to lose weight." In Chinese

The Mission Impossible Scale - Actually there is no such thing. But if there was, it would self-destruct whenever it gives you an undesirable weigh in.

The James Bond Scale - Gives you tantalizing weight reports and then turns deadly in scene 2, followed by a car chase.

The Cracker Jacks Scale - Rewards your weight loss with a prize.

The Horoscope Scale - Like the fortune cookie scale with better English.

The Doctor's Scale - Creates a new excuse while you wait.

The TMI Scale - Tells you why you weigh whatever is you weigh. "Geeze David, you ate at a Taco Bell again. Not only does it smell bad in here, you gained 2 pounds since your last weigh in."

The CSI Scale - Plays back your weight and whatever you said while reading your weight from the scale with Gil Grissom's voice.

The TBC Scale - The highest weight on the scale is "To Be Continued."

The New England Patriots Scale - Records an occasional loss to the Giants, but encourages you to do better next time.

The Summa Wrestler Scale - Starts at 300 lbs. and throws you to the bathroom floor if you lose weight.

The Musical Scale - Do - re - mi - fa - so - la - te - do - 199.

The Gym Scale - Always shows you weigh more than the home scale - oh right, because you are not naked.

The M-F Scale - Actually all of the above depending on the day.

Did I miss any?

Thanks for the votes and comments!

Friend me at your own risk.

92 votos + -

18 comentars:

izzybelle2013 escreveu 7 meses atrás:
I want the political scale. Looking on Amazon for it right now.
marlown escreveu 7 meses atrás:
I hope you write another book someday. Seriously made me LOL. Makes truth a little less painful! Thanks for sharing!
dsjohndrow escreveu 7 meses atrás:
I started on my second book some time back and life got in the way. I am back on it again.
Aplant77 escreveu 7 meses atrás:
Thanks for the laugh!
runningforthetrain escreveu 7 meses atrás:
Always entertaining! Thanks for the laughs and so glad you are working on another book!
shivaslives escreveu 7 meses atrás:
How about the Pay Scale - It never rewards you as much as you deserve for all your hard work.
pizzafruit escreveu 7 meses atrás:
As always, entertaining.
TEQWAR escreveu 7 meses atrás:
The Negative Effect Toilet Scale.
You weigh more after a bowel movement than you did before. Similar in functionality to the Shower Scale.
simpletonuk escreveu 6 meses atrás:
Last time I weighed myself at the gym it said 2kg less than my home scale, been to frightened to use it since.

I like the idea of the pay scale
dsjohndrow escreveu 6 meses atrás:
simpletonuk - I'd probably put a stake through its heart.
Nemacles escreveu 6 meses atrás:
I really want to share this blog post on my FB. Is that possible?
Hoppymom escreveu 6 meses atrás:
You need to get busy inventing! These are awesome! The TMI scale!!!!! I love the Produce Scale!!! I need the Cracker JAcks Scale....What prizes would it give? My luck it would be coupons for free blooming onions or something like that.
stevew_68 escreveu 6 meses atrás:
That was fun to read. I reckon my Fitbit scales are in the moveable scale section. Our sweet spot is right in front of a towel warmer that burns bodily parts if its on. Yes the scales ARE that close.
jessicapk escreveu 6 meses atrás:
This is awesome! I was expecting something technical about why you should use so and so kind of scale but this far exceeded my expectations :)
amyjeaninga escreveu 6 meses atrás:
The interplanetary scale: reports your weight as it would be calculated on a random planet in the solar system (perhaps with an option to omit Jupiter from the list...)
Anonymous escreveu 6 meses atrás:
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