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291 Days - 70 Pounds gone - It's Halftime!

70 1/2 pounds are gone. I can't believe it, it still feels so surreal. I have dreamed of losing weight, I have planned it numerous times in my mind, but I never succeeded until now. Could someone please pinch me? I just want to make sure it's not a dream.

It's halftime! I wanted to lose 140 pounds when I started out here.  "What's your goal weight," the computer had asked me, and it left me puzzled. "Goal weight! What does that even mean? Anything less would do," I thought and typed in the last weight I remembered from way back then before I had let the scale and myself go.

291 days, that's how long it took me to hit halftime -almost a year. It's not going as fast as I wanted it to, but then on the other hand time is flying lately-who cares. It took me 10+ years to be a snug 3X, it will take some time to correct it. 

Why now? What's different? I can't really say. It's like I spent 10+ years in LaLa-Land and one night I woke up and faced reality.

Someone said, "Nothing feels as good as skinny." May I be allowed to rephrase this, just for today?"Nothing feels as good as losing the weight you longed to get rid off." Yeah, Baby!

I want to clap my hands like a little girl, but something tells me I just finished the easy part. The weight fell off my body left and right when I started to eat healthy meals and smaller portions. I think I put my whole system in shock when I went from 3000 calorie days to 1300 calories a day. I have a feeling it might get harder now.

What have I learned so far? There is a saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear," and not for the first time in my life do I feel I am both -a student as well as a teacher. I follow my own rules, dance to my own rhythm. I am learning and teaching myself how to live a healthier, thinner and fitter life.

The diet fairy has sprinkled me with fairy dust once again, and I don't even try to hide the big grin on my face. Today I am celebrating halftime, who would have thought I have it in me.

70.5 lbs lost - Only 69.5 more to go

Life is fantastic!

 

 

Standing tall and letting go

Standing on my own is hard on me. It makes me feel uneasy, and I feel uncomfortable. If sitting is the new smoking as they say, then I am a chain smoker. I sit all the time. At home, in the car, at work and then back at home. Sitting down eases my pain, sitting makes me feel comfortable and gives me the break I so long for. I love to sit, I love to be comfortable. I have earned the comfort -that's was my excuse.

The truth is, standing up on my own had become a hassle that I tried to avoid until I signed up here at MFP. It's not just the weight that made me almost immobile, it was me as well. I am holding my chronic disease up like a shield; my forever excuse to not be active. I pampered myself endlessly, and I was good at it.

Being here has opened my eyes, and it has forced me to look deeper and closer than I want to. Goodness, what a mess!

I am 52 years young, for Heaven's sake why do I behave like an 80-year-old? Is the weight generally an excuse to be lazy or is it just me? So, I hurt once in a while, so what?

I gave myself some tough goals for October. By the end of the months, I want to walk a mile without taking breaks and I want to use the ecliptic trainer for at least five minutes -also without a break -and I would prefer to be still alive afterward.

I have one other goal that I didn't dare to mention. I want to stand up tall without looking for support. Lately, I have been more observant, and I noticed that hanging on to things was something that I did without thinking. Supporting me and my weight had become a habit. Step by step I am letting go.

"How about if I get up every hour for just five minutes?" I thought, and now I do it whenever I can, and while it confuses people in meetings, it works well for the rest of the day. I can't talk on the phone standing. I stand up when I watch the news in the morning. Sometimes it feels odd, but it becomes more normal with each passing day.

I am letting go of old habits and it feels good. I am not as immobile as I thought I was. There is a lot of fight left in these old bones, who would have thought? Letting go of the comfort, that's a task all by itself and probably something many will not understand.

Pushing myself hurts, but I am hurting anyway, so I might as well hurt while doing something that's good for me.

68.7 pounds lost - Only 71.3 to go!

Life is good!

Trick or Treat

I haven't had chocolate and candy bars for months and I didn't really miss it. "Perhaps I have lost my sweet tooth", that's what I thought until I saw all the Halloween candy. 

It's everywhere. In the office, in the stores, it seems I can't get a break from it. I found candy wrappers in my husband's lunch box. I know this wonderful man is hiding his candy in the car this year, just so I don't have to face it at home. He knows me well.

Usually, at this time of the year, I would have bags of candy lying around. All for the neighbor kids -just the gummy bears and Reese's would be mine, and of course the caramels and other things. 

I haven't had a candy attack yet, but I am dreaming about it. I am not sure if it's a nightmare or a pleasant dream, but I can see myself gulping down chocolate and gummy worms by the truckload. 

I don't understand it because obviously, I don't need it; I am happy with my new way of cooking and eating. I don't feel like I am missing out. I eat fruits instead of chocolate and don't feel deprived at all. I thought I was cured, turns out I am not.  

My inner voice is misbehaving every time I go to the store. "Candy, candy, candy," I hear it scream inside me. It's pathetic.

There should be a law to prevent fat people from buying candy. I have to show my ID when I buy alcohol, can't we do the same with all the sweet stuff? "Halloween Candy on aisle 5, don't forget you have to step on the scale before you check out."

They print warnings on cigarettes, can't they do the same thing with candy? 

CAUTION: EATING TOO MUCH SUGAR MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH -and put a picture of a fat lady like me right underneath. That should do it.

Will our house be dark this year? Is not having candy at home really the only way I can control myself? If so I am in trouble, because there is no way I will not welcome the kids to our home on Halloween night. We know all the kids and I look forward seeing their costumes. Maybe I could buy only sweets that I don't care for-not that there are many. "Hey kids, go to her house, she is giving out licorice this year." That won't work either.

I need a plan B for the upcoming Holiday season to not sabotage myself. Indulging a little bit works with everything else besides sweets. I haven't forgotten my Easter chocolate binge -1800 calories in under a minute. 

There is still time left, I better prepare myself and come up with something. The good news is I am facing my weaknesses -knowing the enemy is half of the battle. 

I don't have a solution (yet) but I am working on it.  

Victoria II is in the house - 67 pounds lost -Only 73 to go!

 

***Update (Sunday 10/14) We decided to have a teal pumpkin in front of our house this year. I had never heard of it until I read the comments. Things sure have changed since our kids were little. Today I learned something new -it was a good day. 

The scale is dead

I killed Victoria; she survived only a few months in our home. Poor thing, she was so young. I liked her shiny personality but found her a bit slippery at times -naughty little thing.

Now she is dead; doesn't make a sound anymore, her display went dark. I gently nudged her, I shook her, I stomped on her and tried all known Scale-CPR, but I failed -she flatlined.

It was an accident. I didn't mean to take her little scale life; she was just in my way when I mopped the bathroom floor. I picked her up and leaned her against the wall, closed the door when I was done and forgot all about her. Poor thing was forced to spend the night in an uncomfortable, upright position. I assume it turned her inside upside down.

The next day, when I noticed it, it was too late. She must have given up during the night because I found her lying flat on her glass belly the next morning. One of her little, cheap plastic feet had come off, and tiny cables were hanging out.

It was a cruel sight; I tried to fix her up, but it wasn't easy. In the end, I smacked the plastic cover back in place with force, what didn't help.

I will miss Victoria, she always brought me down. There will be a Victoria II, but I haven't decided which one it will be. She too will be digital, but not so fragile. Perhaps a more mature model with BMI?

On a serious note, it's fascinating to see how uncomfortable I feel without a scale. The one thing in our house that I avoided for years is now the one thing I can't live without. Today is my weigh-in day and I feel lost, not knowing where I am standing -weight wise. Did I have a good week or not? I have to trust in myself now, and it feels awkward. Not knowing makes me nervous. Have I lost weight, or do I still weigh the same?

How is it possible that I cannot tell if I have lost weight? For years I could tell that I was gaining weight, what was the reason that I avoided the scale in the first place. I still have so much to learn, this is just the beginning.

Much has changed over the last 270 days. I am holding myself accountable and I started to take care of myself. Who would have thought I had it in me? 

 

63 Pounds gone - Only 77 to go (perhaps less -more is not an option)

  

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