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Suck it up Buttercup!

Chances that I will die healthy are pretty slim. I am almost certain I will die from a disease that I will not deserve -because nobody ever does. Nature will not ask my permission to make me sick, instead, the universe will test me and my character to the limit.

Of course, that's not the plan I have. If it would be up to me, I want to die in my sleep, preferably after a horizontal pillow fight with my husband. Let me go with a smile on my face and perhaps a glass of wine on my nightstand -not that there ever is one.

"You know RA can take 15 years of your life expectancy," a FRIEND told me recently and I smiled on the outside. On the inside, I cursed like a sailor $%@& . I have done my research, I know what the odds are and I am beating them.

My original plan to die after my 100th birthday might be jeopardized by a disease that I didn't ask for. So be it, I suppose it's OK to kick the bucket with 85? 32 more years to go -if everything goes as planned.

I can't stand whiny people. My next door neighbor is one of them. Always sick and if she isn't ill, then she talks about it -all the time. Whatever disease we have, should never define us. That's at least what I believe but I have my moments as well.

I have spent the last days having a pity party on our couch. I got a head cold and a fiver and didn't like it. I was so ready for the first snow. I wanted to show off outside, and shovel our front and back all by myself -with the help of the dogs of course.

Last year I shoveled for the first time, and it almost killed me. Now I want to see how much I have improved. I can't wait to show the world what I can do.

6-8" of winter wonderland and I am forced to stay inside. I feel like a little girl who is grounded in her room. I long to be outside and I feel cheated. Why is life so unfair? Why me? And I can almost hear the whisper, "Why not you?"

Sitting between a mountain of tissue papers, I make me another hot toddy and add a generous shot of Bourbon to it. I might as well have some fun sweating my lungs out. My husband is out of town, he couldn't stop me if I go outside but I don't.

I finally give in and call the GUYS, they show up just half an hour later. They are super nice to me and shovel our driveways and walkways way too fast. 

I pay them and march back to my couch. I put a chick flick on and lay down, all cuddled up under a cozy blanket, feeling sorry for myself. Our now 35-pound puppy is whining, she wants to be on the couch with me, and finally, I give her the signal and she jumps over me, and lays down beside me.

I make more room for her, we both snuggle and watch a movie and then it hits me. I fit on the couch with a dog beside me. Before I lost weight, there was never any room left, I needed all the space and not even mouse could have squeezed in.

Sniffing and sneezing, feeling sorry for myself I realized once again how lucky I am. A cold or the flu can be dramatic for anybody with an autoimmune disorder -it even can be life-threatening.

This cold is harmless, it's not in my lungs, I don't even need antibiotics. I am perfectly content with my Hot Toddy and my OTC medications. I will be out for a few days, no big deal. I will be back up in no time, will push myself harder than ever before -because now I can.

Whatever life will have in stock for me in the future, I hope I will find a way to deal with it with grace, and I also hope I will always fight for my health the way I am doing right now.

That much I have learned now. Suck it up Buttercup! It could be so much worse!

No weight gain or loss this week! 122 lbs down. Only 18 lbs to go!

More snow in the forecast and then I will shovel myself crazy! 


115 votes + -

16 commentaires:

shunggie a écrit il y a 4 mois:
Sniffling myself trying to decide if I should walk this afternoon. It's 34 degrees and misting. I want to walk tonight because it's supposed to be freezing rain tomorrow and snow on Saturday. This will probably be my only chance until Sunday or Monday. I don't want to go that long... but I have an auto-immune disease myself (MS) and need to be mindful of things I can't control. I went last night in very similar weather but my nose wasn't running as much as it is today. I'm going to go for it, with the thought that since it's going to be too yucky the next few days I have plenty of time to recuperate. Thank you for bringing up trying to lose weight while battling illnesses both big and small. Some of use have extra challenges, doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying. NO EXCUSES
vollkornbloedchen a écrit il y a 4 mois:
About the hardest part in life:
Accepting that we are only immortal for a limited time!

Sooner or later something will get us, it's not a question of "What", the question is not even "When", the only thing worth asking is: "Was it time well spent"

Make sure the answer is "Yes"
SassyCookieMe a écrit il y a 4 mois:
You got this covered, you are certainly a fighter and will make the most of whatever comes your way I'm sure of that. I agree life is far too short to waste time complaining and feeling sorry for yourself that said there are time when it is harder to suck it up than other times. As I remind me myself often it is those times when you have to put on your big girl panties and get going. I'm with you all the way!
wendsg a écrit il y a 4 mois:
I had to read this twice - the first time, I got hung up on the /desire/ to shovel snow, wrapping myself around my own mental axle about one of the primary reasons I moved to the South is to get /away/ from snow!

Rereading, I adore your attitude and your overarching positivity. Thank you for sharing that with all of us. :)
musicsax a écrit il y a 4 mois:
Good on yee - always a silver lining in that cloud !!!
sleepymom5 a écrit il y a 4 mois:
You truly are an inspiration! I just love your attitude!
vikinglander a écrit il y a 4 mois:
So immensely proud of you!
Anonymous a écrit il y a 4 mois:
I have been following your blog for a while now, and just wanted to tell you how much reading this today has meant to me.

I've recently been diagnosed with RA and have had more moments feeling sorry for myself than I would like. Today I got a call from the Dr to say they want to see me urgently following an emergency x-ray! And I though: what else is wrong now?!!?

You've reminded me to be grateful and count my blessings: I don't have weight to lose, I don't have to start exercising, completely change my diet or start managing my stress as I've already been on a journey to a healthier life well before I found out there was something wrong. Others are not so lucky and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel having to make a lot of changes upon diagnosis.

Thank you for being such an inspiration!
RetiredAndLovingIt a écrit il y a 4 mois:
I love reading your blogs!! I had bronchitis earlier, but am better, hope you will be also soon.
PAnn1 a écrit il y a 4 mois:
For every negative there are a multitude of positives.
You have come a long way my S.P. and I am so proud of you! I hope you feel better soon (That Toddy should help a lot, LOL).
Anonymous a écrit il y a 4 mois:
One thing you should be especially proud of is that you have gained control over the one main thing you CAN control-- your weight. A few years back, just a month before her wedding, I had to tell my daughter I had endometrial cancer-- one of those cancers for which obesity is a risk factor. It's hard enough to tell a loved one you have cancer, but harder still when you know that you might have prevented it. I never want to go through that again. Thankfully, everything turned out fine, except that astoundingly, I still have not lost any weight. What does that say about me? Are food and comfortable habits more important to me than my life and my loved ones? Of course I would say no, but yet my habits make me wonder. Wishing you a long and healthy future, and I am very proud of you!
FarmerCarla a écrit il y a 4 mois:
Sorry about your cold. Praying it's gone soon so you can tackle the snow! I'm grateful I don't have a cold or snow! Enjoy cuddling on the couch with your pup. My dog's not allowed on the couch, so I'm about to take him for a walk, despite a cold mist in the air. Hopefully, that makes up for no cuddling.
deadenddiva a écrit il y a 4 mois:
How happy your pup must be, snuggling with you!
sharkyincanada a écrit il y a 4 mois:
I am new to MFP and just read your entire journey today. You are a wonderful writer. Thank you for sharing your story. Some words have stuck with me, very helpful in these early days when a goal seem so far away. Thank you.
megroserutherford a écrit il y a 4 mois:
That's not true, at all. And it's all up to you. I would suggest adding more vegetables and fruits to your diet and cutting out meat and dairy and eggs. It's all up to you.
lorrainequiche59 a écrit il y a 4 mois:
I'm ignoring that last comment & hope you do too!!

Anyway, RA is a rough disease. An elderly friend of mine also has it and I feel for you. I agree with the others who remark on your attitude. It's OK to vent, I am the Queen of Venting, BUT I don't like to get stuck there! Vent and be done!!

To quote someone else, "Not every day is a good day, but there is good in every day!" and you have the ability to find the good in spite of some not so good things!

Have a great day and thank you for sharing your struggles and successes with us!

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