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Savoring the Senasion

Most of my revalations seem to happen in the grocery store lately. 

So I had my twins and the baby in the grovery cart, it has a little car in the front so the toddlers can pretend they are driving, and then Logan can sit in the seat up top and look around.  Ususally it works great, and they have fun.  Today however, the girls were fighting and biting each other, so they had to be separated.  So KK was moved to the seat next to Logan (it sits two) and Ella was having a grand time in the car alone, honking the horn. 

We had made it all the way through all of the isles and were on the last leg of the store, the bakery and snack section.  The way it is laid out is nicet because if the girls are good and behiave, most of the time there are free cookies at the end, so I let them have one, and they can munch while I check out.  SInce after separating them, they had behaved I decided they could have one.   They squeeled with delight as I handed them each a giant sugar cookie, and Logan continued to eat his fingers, (which he believes are equally yummy).

Now my daughter KK, she is a girl after my own heart.  She chowed on the cookie like it was going to run away from her.  I had barely gotten all of the groceries on the belt when she was done and picking at crumbs on her shirt.  Plus, like myself, she usualy ends up wearing most of it on her somewhere.  Today was in her hair and eyebrows.  I have no idea how she did it.  I couldn't see Ella while we were in the checkout line, but I could see her blonde hair happily bobbing around.  

It took a very long 15 minutes for the lady to check me out, ( some days the check out person is an older lady who, God bless her, is just plain slow, but she is so nice, you can't get mad).  So we all trekked our way out to the car, and I started loading the kids in the van.  I got KK in, and then Logan.  I reached down to get Ella and realized she was still eating.   And not like a last bite or anying. She had over half of that cookie left.  She looked at me, took a bite, smiled, and I watched her close her eyes, and just savor the taste of that cookie.  She kept here eyes closed a minute, and chewed and then opened her eyes and turned the little steering wheel and honked the horn.  She kept chewing for a long time, so I thought I would give her a little more time and unload the groceries.  

By the time I was done, she still had a lot left, and since I don't let the kids eat in the car, I told her I needed to take it.  I thought this would elicit a howl or two , but she smiled and handed it over.  The thing was, she never asked about it again after that.  Not once! 

So I got to thinking, what if instead of gulping my food down, I just savored it, slowly.  Would I eat less?

The answer: YES!

I put 10 M&M's in a bowl and while I was doing dishes, savored them, one at a time, closing my eyes as I ate each one, and noticing all of the flavor and textures.  And guess what?  Where normally I would eat an entire package in one sitting, I only needed the 10!  I felt satisfied.  Amazing!

And to think I had to learn that from my 2 year old daughter.  

Now I have to figure out how to get all the cookie goo out of her ears. She may savor her food, but she still eats a lot like I do.

Of Migraines and Cookie Dough

I began the day so good. 

I ate a half of a grapefruit and some scrambled eggs and toast.  But by midmorning, my head was POUNDING.  

I get migraines every once in awhile.  When I was pregnant, they never bothered me.  I didn't get one headache.  That was maybe the ONLY saving grace about pregnancy.  Between the nauseea, the backache, and the preclampsia, I did NOT enjoy being pregnant.  It was not fun.  I was a hot swollen mess.  But no headache.  

So here we are, finally not pregnant after almost 2 years, and I get my first real migraine.  I forgot how completely horrid they are.  It isn't like when I was in college, or even early marriage where I could lounge around, and go to bed and sleep it off.  I have kids, I have church responsibility, and I have friend responsibility.  Most importantly, I had a friend who just came out of surgery who I was in charge of their dinner for last night.  So I whipped up some shephard's pie during the babies nap.  (remember, I have 3 babies. Twins toddlers and a 6 month old).  So looking at the pan of food, I thought, "Well, they have to have dessert for crying out loud, she just had surgery."  So I made a batch of my....(just wiped drool off my chin), chewy chocolate chip cookies.  Ugh.

Now I can blame it on the headache and just needing a little comfort, but in all honesty, I was in that cookie dough like it was crack cocaine.  The batter mades 2 and a half dozen cookies.  I baked a total of two dozen. 

That is right. 

I ATE 6 COOKIES WORTH OF DOUGH.

As I write this, I am ashamed to even print it.  But yes.  I did.  Did it help the migraine?  No.  Did it help my disposition.  Yes.  Unfortunately.  

Which brings me to today's revalation.  I am a comfort eater.  There.  I said it.  I eat when I am in pain.  Emotional and physical.  You know how they say that realizing you have a problem is the first step to recovery?  Maybe now I can start to recover from my addiction to easing my pain with wonderful, yummy, sweet cookie dough.  I don't want to be 36 years old, tweeking in an ally somewhere, after my 3rd or 4th bowl of cookie dough, with chocolate chip residue under my nails, and dough on my chin.  I don't want to hit rock bottom, having my stomach pumped because I have salmonella due to the eggs in the dough.  NO.  The addiction stops here.  I am going to find other ways to deal with my pain.  Like say.....Excedrine, or Motrin.  

 I am so realieved to get that off my chest.

 

 

 

PS.  I mean ABSOLUTELY no offense to those who battle real addiction.  Those who battle and succeed in overcoming addiction, you are truely heros in my eyes.  My analagy was for humor only.

No Pain, No Gain

I am way too hungry for that scale to say what it does, but sure enough, in 2 weeks, I have not lost ONE pound. 

The good news is, I have not gained either.  But it is frustrating at best.  So talking to my husband who aslo doubles as my accountability partner, (may I add here, this is NOT for the weak of heart.or marriages for that matter.  Husbands have the ability to see through your crap and call you on it.) we came to the conclusion that we need to be more intentional about exercise.  

Now, my best friend who lives in Wisconson, is my exercise idol.  She sets acheivable goals, acheives them,  and does so with discipline and determination.   She is a runner.  I love her. 

I hate running.  So that is NOT going to happen for me.

My favorite exercise is swimming.  I was on the swim team in high school.  I was the worst on the team, but my coach LOVED me, (God rest his soul), because I loved to swim and was always joyful to be there.  BUT if any of you read my last post, you will see, with the cost of feeding my family, we don't have a whole lot of extra cash to spend on the gym, even if it is the community rec center.  

So what is a fluffy girl to do???  

I will tell you!  

We have the XBox Kinnect.  And tonight, I worked up one heck of a sweat playing Dance Central 2.  I did if for 30 minutes and by the tmie I was done, I was sweating, out of breath and already getting sore.  It was great.  AND it was fun.  That is the key.  Fun.  So because of that, I may just do it again tomorrow.  

I do wish however they would take the camera off during the freestyle portion.  I really don't need to see what I look like trying to be Britney Spears in Toxic.  Not pretty.  Not pretty at all.  

Sticker Shock

All of the doctors and nutritionists say the same thing.  Eat more fruts and veggies.  I agree, we absolutely should.  I usually feel better and have more eneregy when I do, and I can tell the kids and hubby are more agreeable when they have a balanced diet with llimited processed foods and  more fresh foods. 

 So today was grocery day.  We like to go together as a family, it gets us out of the house, (my husband works from home as do I), and so it is an event.  We get all bundled up with all the kids, and I take my list, my coupons, and the flyer for Kroger, and off we go. 

I am so excited because they are having a BIG sale on produce, tons of stuff 10 for 10, and strawberies and blueberries are 4 for 5.  So we get a good amount of fresh foods, I get all of the items I need for dinner, a few snacks, (we are trying to limit this for everyone's sake), all the things for breakfasts and lunches, diapers, baby food, dog food, and a couple of house hold things.  Nothing crazy, nothing out of the ordinary and most of all, NOTHING EXTRA.  

My budget $250

The cost...........$316!!!!!

How is it right, that to feed a family of 6 for a week, healthy, it should be that expensive?  With everyone in the media saying how healthy we should be eating, our kids need to cut out processed foods and sugar, but then to have all of those good things add up to so much, how is it possible for american families to feed themselves as we should?  It is no wonder people are overweight in this country.  It is much cheaper to buy a bag of chips, than it is a bag of oranges.  And trust me, I compared.  Oranges, $3.99, Chips $1.50.  How unreal is that?  Soda, for a 12 pack, was $3.00, and milk for the gallon and a half that we go through just with the twins, $5.00 total. 

So I have a few theories.  The grocery stores sell processed and fattning foods cheaply.  There is less demand for healthy because hey, a doughnut TASTES better than an apple, right?  We all get fat eating the yummy but unhealthy food.  We spend money on the diet industry trying to lose the weight,  the diet industry thrives on fat people who want to lose weight.  The grocery store makes oodles of money on us changing to healthy food.  We then get tired of spending so much money on healthy food becaus it is so stinkin expensive, and doesn't taste as good as.....you guessed it.  The doughnut.  So we buy the doughnut, and the cycle begins again.  

All of that to say this....until the food industry starts making it as cheap and easy to buy healthy, this is a battle that will go on and on.  

That and doughnuts just have to stop tasteing so freaking good!

Chicken soup with rice

There was a children's song that Carol King sang when I was a kid called "Eating Chicken Soup with Rice" by Maruice Sendak.  I loved that soug.  So I have it downloaded to a bunch of kids music that I play around the house for the girls during the day.  It makes me a bit nostalgic.  So today the song played and I watched the girls shimmy around the basement to the song, and it got me to thinking.  How much exercise do kids get when they play?  Just by playing, not sports or organized classes or anything like that, just by bopping aroumd the house. 

Well we do a lot of dancing around the house, (Ok, we can call it dancing, but what I do is more of artistic license on the word 'dance')  Also, I have to say, peekaboo with toddlers, can get pretty intense, they run around peeking from EVERYWHERE.  So there is some more.  Also, my kids tend to RUN every where they go.  I have no idea how this is as fun as they make it out to be, but apparently running, especially indoors is like the greatest thing in the world, and the only way to get from point A to point B.  I cannot imagine getting up right now from my chair, and running upstairs to let my son know it is time for bed.  (Oh wait, after the attitude today, maybe I will.) 

There is also the marching, the skipping, the jumping, all JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT.  My daughter started jumping up and down at the top of ths little slide we have in the basment and said, "I LOVE JUMPING!!!"  So the question is, when do we lose that sense of play?  That sense that everything is fun, even the mundane.  Because I gotta say, sometimes what they think is the best game ever, is excruciatingly boring to me.  Like the game, Oops.  You drop something, and say "Oops.."  I am done after like, once.  They would play this for hours!  So when does this sense of play go away?  And more importantly, how can we get it back?  Because honestly, I would be much more motivated to exercise if I was having as much fun as the kids are having playing "march to the music," or "jump holding on to the couch."  

 So in honor of regaining that sense of play, I made Chicken Soup with Rice for dinner.  I have yet to start jumping holding onto the couch.

Just sitting eating bon bons.....oh,wait that was a dream I had.

I have come to find out that trying to do a blog while your child is home from school for a 5 day weekend is not at all possible.  Every time I would begin, I would hear, "mom...I am bored."  "Mom, will you play Wii and get me past this level?"  "mom can you drive me to so-an-so's house?"  So I have resigned myself to a blog that is only on school days.  Time for me does not exist in an 8 year old's world. 

 Time for myself actually doesn't really exist at all anymore.  With 4 kids, and expecially with 3 of them being under the age of 2, nothing at all is sacred.  I find myself in the bathroom, with two toddlers coming in and out, opening an closing the bathroom door, because, hey, how fun is that??  My 8 year old running in thrusting a handfull of Lego peices under my nose saying "Can you fix this?", and hearing my now rolling 5 month old screarm from the other room because he has rolled into our cabinet and can't figure out how to roll in the other direction.  All of this is before I have even peed.  

 When I do manage to find time to sit down on the couch and put up my feet (generally about 9pm), my husband is usually wanting some kind of attention, be it affection or wanting me to help with one thing or another.  I sigh and get up, because that is your job as a stay home mom.  Help ALL the kids, even the big adult ones apparently.  Then I sit back down, and I am not kidding, EVERY TIME, the dog then comes and lays his head on my lap becaue he wants to go out.   I swear it is payback for all those times I chase him away from the twins high chairs so they will eat and stop throwing food at him.  He COULD have let me know while I was doing anything else but sitting down, but NO, he waits.  He has a vendetta.  "Think you can chase me away from falling meatloaf....hahaha.  I'll show you!"  

 I guess that is why I am enjoying the diet and blog so much.  It is one way I can work on me, even in the midst of all the other chaos. Trust me, there is a lot of chaos.  But mostly it is happy chaos, and one I wouldn't trade for the world.

 It is also why I am addicted to going to church lately.  Two words....FREE BABYSITTING!!!!

Reality check

This cannot possibly be right.  I measured again. 

 No this cannot be right.  I get another measuring cup.

Well, gravy IS a liquid, so I will just use a liquid measurer.  

Crap.

1/2 a cup of sausage gravy is very disappointing to look at in the bowl.  Next to one little biscuit, it is even more sad looking.  I look over at my husband, who gets more calories than I do, and see his heaping (well, it looked heaping compared to mine) bowl of bisciuts and gravy.  No fair.  

So for a snack last night, I go to have a bowl of cereal.  But first, I check on my calories for the day.  I am being good tracking my food.  So I punch it all in.  I am 100 calories over for the day, and I have not had my evening snack. 

Crap.  

My stomach is grumbling, so I have a diet soda.  No good.  Still hungry.  I read my book.  Still hungry.  I go take a shower.  Still hungry. 

So I got myself a bowl, and decided, ONE SERVING OF DRY CEREAL, AND THAT IS IT YOUNG LADY!  I knoew I would be over, but I would make up for it tomorrow.  I didn't know the meals I planned for the week were so calorie heavy.

Serving size of cocoa puffs: 3/4 cup.  I meansure it out.  That can't be right.

I get another meansuring cup.  

Crap.

To begin....

Cookies are the devil. 

You know, I was never an overweight child growing up.  My mom always kept me in line with terms like, "you keep eating like that and you are going to be called two ton Tess.".  Scary right?  I didn't pay it a lot of mind though because I was so activve.  I swam, I rode bikes, and ran around outside all day as a child.  In middle school I was on the synchonized swim team, (don't judge), and still loved to ride my bike.  And in high school, I was so busy, I hardly had time to do ANYTHING, let alone for fat to store up in my body.  I swam, I ran, I was in marching band, drama, orchestra, and other clubs.  I had boyfriends and wayyyyy too much to gossip about.  So eating two brownies and chocolate milk for lunch, IF i ate lunch, was not a big deal. I was a size 8.

 

Fast forward to college.   I took up the wonderul past time of drinking.  So much fun!  RIght?  But going to class, working a part time job, and that being IT for physical activity was a shock to my system.  It didn't know what to do with the free time.  Plus, let me just say, dining hall food.....it was really really good at Ohio University. DESERT every meal!  (which just so happens to be my favorite food group.).  Bump up to size 16

 

Now, looking a little more plump than intended, I got married to my high school sweetheart in a size 18 dress.  Not proud of the number, but looked pretty anyway.  

 

Now....fast forward a few more years.  A baby boy, a set of twins, and yet another boy in an 8 year span, and I did NOT deny myself when I was pregnant, I an a very chubby size 22.  Chasing toddlers, keeping up with my 8 year old, and waking all night to a baby is difficult for a fit person.  It is very very difficult for a size 22 fluffy girl.  (Though I am fluffy and fabulous!!!)

 

My decision has been coming.  I have toyed with it for a while now.  I can no longer stand aside and watch myself balloon up to another  size.  I am taking my life in my hands, with humor, and I am going to lose this weight.  I have put it off long enough.  

My goal, lose 80 pounds by next Christmas.  

I will stick to this through thick and thin, and set a good example for my children, and become healthy so I am around to see the great grandchildren.  

But I will leave room for cookies. Because, well, they are the devil.  But they are DELICIOUS!  

 

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