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Trishie's Treat's N°1

I'm putting together a list of the alternatives I've created in the interests of being healthier! I hope you enjoy!

Fish Finger Sandwich

I love these bad boys. Especially in winter for a late lunch, or early dinner after a big day when I can't be bothered cooking. My old recipe was 2 slices of buttered bread, 5 fish fingers (4 in a row and 1 at the top - very important!), tartare sauce slathered all over then a slice of cheese to melt on top.

Calories: 791

Carbs: 69

Fat: 44

Hmmm... almost 800 calories for what I used to call a light lunch? Here's my revamped version. It was delicious!

1 Warburton's Thin, 1.5 tablespoons of Philadelphia Light cream cheese, 5ml (just a few drops) of Sweet Chilli Sauce (Hot) and a Marks and Spencer Lightly Dusted Plaice Fillet. 

Calories: 379 

Carbs: 39 

Fat: 14

It was just as filling (more fish, less bread) and strangely 5 fish fingers is the same amount of protein as a lovely peice of plaice!

Tip: If you're jonesing for the tartare sauce, just do it!  

Stay tuned for more alternatives, would love to hear how you go making yours!

10 calories = 1c or 1p. The New World Order

Welcome to my utopia. This is the place that exists when everyone else has given up and made me the president of the world.

***Disclaimer: If you haven't already guessed, in this blog I shall be taking the mickey. Completely.***

Food Prices will be based on calorific value

In my new world order, I am addressing the obesity epidemic. People with no money making bad food choices is no longer an option. Because all food prices will be based on calorific value. 

So if my carrots are 410 calories for a kg, let's make them 41c (41p).

Your chocolate gateau that is 1500 calories per slice, 5 slices in a kilogram, that's 7500 calories, so It's now $7.50 (£7.50) per kilo

A 1kg sack of raw potatoes works out to about 68c (68p), but your frozen oven fries are now $15.80 ($15.80)per kilo.

So now we are in the situation where we can make good nutritional decisions that atren't dependant on our fiscal level.

Spending more on a meal also has a psychological impact: I'm having a blowout tonight for my birthday - more money = more calories... I do it on occasion so am going to enjoy it because it doesn't happen very often.

Essentially, you should be able to dine on less than $2 per day, per person. 

Gym Membership decreases National Insurance / Medical Insurance

Gym membership is free and they are government run facilities. Every visit to the gym goes on your file, and you accumulate points. Based on those points, and the effort you are making on your health, your National Insurance, or Medical Insurance premiums will go up or down.

You may say "but my Mum can't do the gym". Rubbish. We have therapists and pools and alternative exercise plans for anyone to get active. Only those with medical exemption (terminal patients, chronic afflictions etc) are exempt, and they will be looked after in other ways.

Clothing Sizes

Will no longer be a number. They will be regulated by shape. ie, "I'm a size hexagon, can I please have a pair of black work trousers" . ALL these sizes will be regulated by a governmental template so no-one is a size triangle in one store, then an oval in the next. Those manufacturers who do not adhere will have clothing confiscated and given to the poor. 


Will be compulsory until age 20. It will include lessons in nutrition. Lessons in fitness. Lessons in fiscal responsibility. And industry placement. No child will be pigeon-holed as a potential "doctor", "teacher" etc, just because of their grades. People will levitate towards what the enjoy. 


Will not be governed by "human rights" extremeists. If you break the law, then NO, you are NOT entitled to cable television and internet access. Nor are you entitled to free education. Your bills will be payable within X years of your sentence (where X = term of incarceration). You may be entitled to work whilst in prison. Making toothpicks, or doing laundry for hospitals, or scrubbing soot from car tunnel walls. This will of course, reduce the amount payable at the end of your term. 

Oh yeah, and if any of the prisoners are proper eye candy, they can clean my house and yard too.  

Common Sense Department 

I shall also  introduce a "Common Sense" Department, as an escalation point for all disputes. This is to overrule things where they don't fit into the normal rules:

"My Baby is underweight so I need to buy this fatty formula" = Exemption from the calorie rule. 

"I have the flu and can't go to the gym this month" = Exemption from the insurance rule. 

"My child is destined to be a parking inspector" = Exemption from the Education Rule. That child needs counselling, Stat!

I'm sure more will come to mind. For those who would like to work on my staff, there are generous benefits. Those eye-candy house cleaning prisoners - did I mention their uniforms? Hubba Hubba :)


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