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Week 1 Keto

Keto seems to be going well, it's pretty expensive, but no more expensive than eating out twice a day so I cant really complain. I've lost about 6-10ish pounds, it fluctuates from day to day. I'm assuming most of this is water weight and not going overboard with excitment but still, its very nice to see some improvements aong the way. I'm a pretty lazy cook so when it comes time to actually eat food I only make like 3 meals, haha I need to expand on this I think. We'll see how week two goes.

Well, that's good

I havn't weighed myself in years, last time I remember doing it I was around 350ish, I started this thinking i'd put on some weight and I was probably around 375-380, well after finally finding a scale that would weight me over 350, I found out i'm only 359 at the moment. So that is pretty cool, not nearly as far as I thought I had to go(but still really far, lets face it). I'm going to Try out Keto and see how it works for 30 days, today is day one. Startng weight it 359. I dont know how to change it my profile so it says i've lost 26lb which is obviously not the case.

A man can dream :)


I've decided to try the Keto Diet

 I seems more suited to how I like to eat, rather than starving all the time I can make things that taste delicious! Today is the first day(half day) I made this for dinner tonight

It was amazing! 

Being fat is embarrassing

I've been fat my whole life, I'm lazy and I dont like to be active all that much. I dont enjoy sports, mainly because i'm not now nor have I ever been considered "good" at them. You could probbaly say that this is a self fullfilling issue, being fat caused me to be bad at sports and not like it, but it's true non the less. I dont enjoy physical competition. I do enjoy  playing video games, its always been my passion, maybe its the allure of the even playing field. No matter how fat you are you can be just as good as any one else.

 In the last couple years i've gotten fatter and fatter, I dont do much, school and home, and ocassional game nights with friends. Being fat has started to affect the things I like to do. I like to go eat out with my friends, but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking "will I fit in the booth with out extremely embarrassing my self" Usually I dont, god forbid if the table is bolted down. I like to go to the movies with my friends, I have a mental list of theatres that "suck" and I convince my friends not to go to because the seats are too small for me to fit comfortably, (btw forget any kind of 1$ theatre). I traveled by air recently, fortunatly I didn't have to ask for a seatbelt extender, but it was pretty damn close, It looked like a zip tie around a sack of lard. When ever I get into my friends cars I have to have the seat belt maximized all the way to the point where it "clicks" and auto locks because I cant get it on around my belly otherwise. I avoid doing things with my friends that might be physically active, hiking, night games ect because I hate the way I cant do anything with out being out of breath. 

Dont even get me started on girls. I'm not a shy guy by any means, and for a fat guy i've done ok with girls most of my life, hardly a forever alone, but as the years go one I get less and less optimistic about my life and where it's going.  I cant even imagine what it would be like to have a girl trying to get my attention rather than me trying to get theirs. I have no idea what it's like to actually be loved and know that some one finds me attractive. Every girl i've ever been in love with has just wanted to be "friends". 

Fuck all that shit. I hate it. I hate everything I just wrote about.  I hate how i'll never be able to get a really good job in my choosen field as a fat guy. I hate how in my head I am an amazing person who can do anything but when I see myself in the mirror I shame spiral and give up on my dreams because fatties arn't successful. I hate how I dont make close friends, just people I know from varius social functions.

I hate myself and I want to change, but I dont know how. I want to change but I dont want to put any effort into it, I want it to be easy and convienant, because i'm a lazy person. I dont know how to change myself in this way, I have the ability too be better I know that, but when does one find the massive amount of will power to go against everything they are and try to be something else?

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