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Denial Plus

Today I am feeling like crap after 32 injections in my head. I have been more depressed than when I started MFP in 2011. Back then I had hope for recovery from congestive heart failure. I have spent over a year trying to get to the bottom of this f#^%king headache. However, I have committed to writing something every week. Today it is about denial.

I can't just continue to give myself permission to fail when it comes to food.

I wish the MFP app wasn't such a piece of crap, I might even log my food.

You know that you are in denial when:

- The doc says you need to lose weight, and you think, I don't look that bad.

- Your insurance company gives you $600 a year in savings for doing their health rewards program and you think about all the food you could buy with it.

- You buy a selfie stick to get the best aerial shot for your Facebook profile pic.

- You say that if God had wanted you to exercise and touch your toes, He would have put them higher up on your body.

- Your favorite pants don't fit, and you blame your spouse for washing them in hot water and then drying then on high.

- You go to the coffee shop and tell the cashier the coffee is for you, and the donuts are for your pet Fighting Fish, when the truth is it's the other way around.

- You go to an "all you can eat" restaurant or buffet because you have invested in their stock.

- You eat whatever you like because you get a lot of exercise - pushing the buttons on the remote.

- You heard that there were two pieces of cake in the fridge, and think how sad it is that you missed one.

- Instead of looking at the size tag on clothes, you look to see if it has elastic.

- You kick the scale, well, because it's a scale damit.

- All your vacation photos at Disney were taken at the Food Court in Epcot Center.

- You get flowers and chocolates from an admirer and throw the flowers out.

- You eat because, well, your mouth wasn't that busy at the time.

- You are out of breath just thinking about exercise.

- You go to weddings because the cake is free.

- You tell yourself this is the last pizza... today...

- You try to do a push up and discover that a number of body parts have not left the floor.

So this has been pretty much me. There are no excuses left except that I haven't tried in a number of months. I am no longer on the meds, the headache which doesn't change if I workout, I have no physical restrictions, and now it is up to me.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

Friend me at your own risk.

My New Top 10

After 9 years on MFP, and a half dozen serious helath issues, I started to fail. Time to get going again. Because...

...weight loss and fitness is fragile!

During this time, I have met a few of the MFP clan in real life. There are some nice folks here. I am overjoyed that the LIKE button replaced WTG and WTF. I learned how to run, got a few medals, and ran a marathon or two.

I learned a few reach their goal weight, but sadly, many more don't make it. And some get there and realpase.

How fragile is it? A few surgeries caused me to be down more thaan a few weeks since March. Without running, for the first time in years, I have been depressed - really deppressed. I gained 30 pounds! That is almost 35% of my weight loss. One would think, with all that I have learned, that I would have cut back the calories while I was healing. I found it very hard to do that. 

So what used to be my secrets to success?

-1 I weighed myself everyday and did measurements every 3 months.
-2 I measured my food portions and for the few food items I buy with a label, I read that too.
-3 I bought new underwear. It's my secret pleasure.
-4 I make time to sleep 8 hours. Depression helps.
-5 I take a few supplements that seem to work.
-6 I ran 6 days a week. I have been failing at 3.
-7 I walked 3-4 miles a day plus I use the 4 floors of stairs in my building often - about 50K steps a day. Today I average about 1000 steps.
-8 I logged all my food. I tried to get going but the MFP app is seriously a piece of crap. That's my excuse and I am sticking to it.
-9 I don't eat sweet drinks or food (with or without real sugar) except an occasional piece of birthday cake. Still oin track except for the 2 chocolate squares with tea.
-10 I don't eat fast food, pizza, white flour, rice, white potatoes or tofu 363 days a year. Tofu is 365!
-11 I am a vegetarian who happens to eat beef, lamb, pork, chicken and fish in small quantities.
-12 I don't have junk food in the house or I will eat it.
-13 I stick to superfoods as often as I can. Fruit, veggies, nuts and spices are on that list.
-14 As much as I would like to, I don't smoke crack.

I know, that's more than 10. The same thing seems to happen with food.

As always, thanks for your support, comments and votes.

5 Stages of Grief

Terminally ill patients often go through fairly predictable stages as they begin to accept their life is coming to an end (hopefully, they have an eternal home). I have watched it happen with both my parents. It's sad, but thank God we get some time when it counts the most!

If you were a fatso like me when you first logged onto MFP, you're going to go through some emotional stages too - lots of them. Like a maturing baby, you'll probably throw a few tantrums along the way, too. If you don't believe me, read the message boards!

Stage 1: Denial: It's not just a river in Egypt! If you have a BMI over 30, you are obese, and if it is over 25 you are overweight according to the National Heart Lung and Blood Association. The problem is what you eat, not big bones and if you are here on MFP, you and I both know why; it's not to get recipes! (Although that is a good reason to be on MFP!)

Stage 2: Anger: You probably think Jillian Michaels is too skinny, and that guys with 6-pack abs got them from sitting around watching football. Poor you, you didn't get them. I know I am mad when I go to lunch with someone my age, and they freakin' eat an entire pizza while I limit myself to 1 or 2 slices. You might be mad at God for making everything that tastes good bad for you.

Stage 3 Bargaining: "Lord if you let me indulge this day and it doesn't show up on the scale, I will give money to the next organization that knocks on my door!" Are you kidding? You popped a pants button and a dead pigeon fell from the sky; you are a frequent flier at Big & Tall: it's no deal! "Real" is the root word of reality.

Stage 4 Depression: Drinking water, putting away the salt shaker, logging your meals, dumping fast food as a dietary option -  and gasp, exercising so that you sweat! Who wouldn't be depressed?!? It's normal to be bummed out that we can't be like others and eat anything we want, in any quantity we want to.

Stage 5 - Acceptance:  Time to snap out it! "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." That's right! Unlike terminal patients you have a chance to change your history, your health, and your waist line.

The health benefits of losing weight and keeping it off are amazing. But who cares what your BMI is when you have a donut in the break room with your name on it? If you really accept where you are, you'll stop defending your bad food choices and making excuses for why the scale hates you.

Stage 6 - The Party Stage: Why not focus on what you can do when you lose the weight and get healthy.

- You'll feel better and your depression will be less.
- You'll have better skin!
- You'll be less likely to be sick from viral and bacterial disease.
- You'll have more positions you can use for "that."
- You will eventually acquire a taste for what is good for you.
- You'll live longer with the ones you love.
- You'll have more choices for clothing stores.
- You'll be more comfortable on planes and camel rides.
- Your joints will feel better.
- You can eat from the children's menu if you use the curb-side pick up at most of the chains. This saves money!
- You'll need less medication when you do need it.
- You'll have more energy.
- You'll look younger.
- You'll probably only have one chin to shave and not two or three.
- You'll sleep better.
- You'll reduce health care costs.
- You can buy shoes that tie - in fact you might even see your feet for the first time in a while.
- You'll put on new underwear and feel like touching yourself - that might just be me.

Thanks for the comments and votes. You guys are awesome!

Running Is Bad For You

Trying to maintain your health is not always easy. You need to get exercise, stretch, eat right for your body type, fill your mind with positive thoughts, and take care of your soul and spirit.

It is a tall order.

This past year has really worn me down. I haven't been able to take care of myself the way I would like. Eating is been a real mystery with all the medication. Read that gained weight. The steroids have been brutal. Not to mention they have ruined my eyesight. I see an eye surgeon tomorrow.

It is depressing, very depressing.

I spend every morning trying to talk myself into doing everything. I have all these possibilities I should do, need to do, and even things that could be fun to do. I just keep waiting for my headache to go away.

It never does.

On a good day, I get showered and dressed by 10 am. Other days the goal moves to 4 pm. I believe running kept me strong for all the surgery that I have had. The problem? Running and chronic pain are just not friends. Some days it feels like running is bad for you.

But I can't seem to stop.

Want to know the real reasons that running is bad for you? It's addictive. According to MediLexicon International, these are the symptoms of addiction. I am adapting them to running.

The person cannot stop - because it will kill your race time. DUH!
Increased appetite
 – I finally got my movement to equal my intake. I have to run 50 miles a week.
Taking an initial large dose - Starting the race too fast. Running without a warm up.
Insomnia - a common symptom of addiction also known as pre-race jitters. The bigger the race, the sooner it starts.
Continues despite health problems - taking a cast off to run 5 miles, not listening to all sorts of pain etc.
Social and/or recreational sacrifices - You don't run, you don't understand.
Maintaining a good supply - Fortunately there is plenty right outside the front door. The higher quality stuff is at races.
Risky behavior - the addicted individual take risks to make sure they can obtain their substance, by stealing or trading sex for money or running shoes.
Risks while under the influence - the addict may engage in risky activities, such as hugging people they don't know at the finish line or taking runs with people they have never met from Facebook groups.
Dealing with problems - an addicted person commonly feels they need their drug to deal with their problems. Running cures everything.
Obsession - an addicted person may spend more and more time and energy focusing on ways to make time for running, travel for running and to improve their performance.
Secrecy and solitude - in many cases the addict may hide new shoes from their significant other or register for races on their anniversary weekend. Run alone without music.
Denial - actually, no runner has a problem. Not even a little one.
Withdrawal symptoms - one word: marathon tapering! OK, two. Anger, resentment, food. Did I mention food?
Excess consumption - run streaks, marathons, ultras, back-to-back half marathons, 3- and 4-way challenges, there is just not enough running.
Blackouts - cannot remember chunks of time. In particular, how you felt after the marathon when signing up for the next one.
Having stashes - GUs, Stingers, protein bars, and shoes. It seems hoarding is a side-effect of running.
Having problems with the law - this is a symptom of impaired judgment. Not stopping for crossing signals, running on the wrong side of the road during races, indecent exposure while relieving yourself in public - the list goes on.
Financial difficulties - shoes, race fees, travel expenses, RnR memberships. The cost of running is daunting.
Relationship problems - they just don't understand. I’ll find a runner.
Dropping hobbies and activities - progressive addiction may stop doing things he/she used to enjoy such as running for fun.

Thanks for your support.

10 Reasons You’re Not at Your Ideal Weight

Last week I was struggling. You know, life has been a bit of a ride this last year. I posted a link to an article on chronic pain and depression. I was expressing my current condition. I felt challenged by a couple of commenters. Normally I don't engage with nameless-faceless-russian-troll-twatwaffles. 

Nevertheless, a couple of comments struck a chord with this old fat guy.

However, before I begin, I have a question. What is an expert? Is it someone with education? Is it some with experience? Is it someone with results? Maybe an expert is nothing more than a good leader, or a good example? Maybe a blend of all of this? A college professor once said, "an expert is an 'ex,' something that used to be, and 'spurt,' a drip."

So this week I am going to write about why this expert is not at my ideal weight.

-1 The most important reason is I apparently don't have a calorie deficit.
-2 I don't use a food scale.
-3 I don't read nutrition labels.
-4 I don't get enough exercise.
-5 I don't have a dog to walk.
-6 I still have junk food in the house.
-7 I lost my mojo.
-8 I don't watch calories eating out.
-9 I have seconds when the food is good.
-10 I eat when I am stressed or depressed.

I do have a valid doctor's note saying that I need to take it easy until the nerves in my head heal and reconnect after the cutting and hacking. In fact, I have no more treatment possibilities until I am 6 months post-surgery. If I am still in chronic pain, they will fit me with a neurostimulator. I also have a prescription for tons of steroids, anticonvulsants and antidepressants - you know the weight-gain type. But those would be excuses, and I am not okay with excuses.

In other news, thanks to a huge BM, I lost 4.1 pounds in 6 days! It was actually only took about 30 seconds.

Thanks for the votes and comments. Oh, and a special thanks to my fierce protectors!

Excuses, excuses, excuses...

Is it me, or just the posts that I happen to read? I have read some pretty creative excuses for falling off the wagon, overeating, and not succeeding at learning to eat healthy and exercise 3 times a week.

People are pretty lazy. That is my perspective.

I am at the top of the list. I have a million excuses for not losing and maintaining my weight. Since last year, I am up over 20 pounds. Seriously, I have lots of good reasons - I mean excuses. Currently I am considered a chronic pain sufferer and I have been going to pain management. I just read this article about pain vs motivation/depression. I am doing my best, but it has been hard - harder than before.

Even the one committed to cardio has excuses (and motivation issues).

I had a heart trauma in April '11, and what I heard afterwards was this: 57% of those that have had a heart attack don't even continue to take their medication after the first refill! Worse, almost 80% make no significant lifestyle changes!

If you are telling yourself there is some reason you cannot lose weight or can't get cardio in, you probably won't!

I don't have time. - If it was going out to dinner you probably would. Look you have time for lots of things, you need to schedule it. If working out is not in your calendar, it is unlikely that you'll win at this game.

I still have time. - You may be young enough where your food and lack of exercise is not a problem, but for most it doesn't work forever - especially past 40. Yeah, I know about your grandmother that drank a case of beer and smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day, only ate fried food, dated 5 men at a time and lived until 145. Let me know if you make it.

Everyone in my family is fat. - Why is that? Could it be diet and exercise?

It's a cheat day. - Get out your stones and excuses about shaking up your metabolism blah blah blah. The truth is that cheaters are in the group of roller coaster dieters, from which nearly all of them eventually gain back the weight they lost the other 6 days a week.

I have kids. - Yeah, so take them for a run. I take my 11-year-old walking, running, riding bikes, rollerblading, every chance I get. We plan vacations near bike trails so we can ride. When she was a baby, we just put her in the front pack, or bicycle trailer. My YMCA has kids care as well.

I'm too busy. - Well, health is a choice; it might be time to make it.

The dog/kangaroo didn't eat it. - If you are full at the restaurant, you'll be tempted to eat whatever you bring home before lunch the following day. If that is the case, leave it.

I don't know what to do. - I don't know about you, but most of us here do not have degrees in health and nutrition. MFP is a good guideline for the amount of food, and balance of what we call macros: carbs, protein and fat. Here's a tip, if it is low-cal junk food, its still junk food. Cardio which is truly healthy is when the heart rate goes above 120. This requires walking at 3 mph or possibly higher.

It's too hard to lose weight, I've already tried. - You are correct, and you've proved it. That is why you need to forget dieting. You make changes you can do for the rest of your life.

I can't afford healthy food. - I will agree that a variety of healthy food costs more. Here are some tips for saving money. Drink only water, it's free. Many grocery stores have fruits and veggies that are discounted because they are past fresh: we buy 6 apples for a dollar, 2 peppers for half a buck, and 3 bananas for even less. Over all we find them to be a good value. Brown rice is the same price as white and far better. You'll be eating less, usually 3-4 ounces of meat or fish. You can buy packaged ham and cheese in bulk and freeze it. The same is true for some fruits and veggies. Frozen food isn't horrible, and most canned food can be rinsed to reduce sodium content.

It's too late.  - I'm already _____ years old. - Yup, and tomorrow you be that plus one day. I don't get it.

I'm afraid of failure. - I have met a few folks on MFP that have a lot weight to lose (me I was close to 100). It is a daunting task, and it takes time. Read the Success Story forums and friend those folks who have done what you need to do. I find it inspiring. On average, those that work at it can lose 40-100 lbs in a year. (Yes, I am sure there are some with medical reasons who cannot and I am not talking about them.)

I'm afraid of success! - Being obese for a long period of time becomes a way of life. We set up our enablers, buy cars, furniture and even our personality changes to accommodate our physical state. I sat with a guy the other day that could not fit in the booth at a lunch place. It was sad. Then he ordered a 3000 calories steak bomb.

My significant other doesn't care why should I? - Most mature adults are smart enough not say "I would love you better thinner!" I suppose there are some that have spouses that like them in an unavailable state, but for the most part, our health is our concern. Losing weight has many benefits other than just looking and feeling better.

I can't exercise, there's no place for me to walk/run. - We need to start where we stand. The goal is eating well, and getting in three 30 minute cardio session a week in which we get the heart rate over 120. You can walk in place, by home gym resistance bands, and an array of other things. I bet you can find a treadmill on Craigslist for cheap!

I love to eat. - Yup, me too. I am just enjoying eating better, and less.

I do a lot of traveling for work and find it hard to stick to my weight loss plan. - It is not an easy task to eat out all the time, but many places I have stayed at had a refrigerator and a grocery store nearby.

I've heard that running puts me at risk for knee problems and arthritis later in life. LOL, that's BS. But you can try swimming, use the elliptical or riding a bike.

I Have Bad Knees (bad ankles, bad hips, bad a$$): From here it looks like they can get you back and forth from the store, the bathroom and the refrigerator.

It's just one. - One breakfast muffin is equal to two 30 minute cardio sessions.

It's the holidays. - So? The Bermuda Triangle: Thanksgiving Christmas and New Years. (Or Memorial Day, the 4th and Labor Day.) Flag Day, the dog’s birthday. There are lots of holidays!

I don't cook my own meals. - It's hard to control what others do. I made an agreement with my wife over what I was willing to eat each week. Communication helps, and filling up with a large snack before meals is also another option. If you eat half a bag of baby carrots, you are probably not going to chow down on the fried chicken.

I Have Slow Metabolism: Right, and if your body was a car, it would be in reverse. Personally, mine hit a speed bump at age 40 and broke the steering column.

My Parents didn’t Teach me How to Eat: - Are you kidding, have you looked in the mirror? You are probably good at eating, in fact very good! For God’s sake, birds manage to get south.

It’s Vacation: One of my personal favorites, lots of eating out, and lying around (actually that sounds more like work too). Staying in the hospital is not a vacation.

I Don’t Like Healthy Food: Let me know when the pity party is over. Trust me; you are not going to like heart failure either.

It’s Emotional: WTH? It’s food, nothing else.

I Can Eat Anything I Want! Apparently.

I’ll Start Over Tomorrow: It’s here, now what?

Water Makes Me Gag! Well I guess it’s a good thing you are not a dolphin.

How about you, can you share some your most creative excuses for staying the way you were?

Disclaimer: Look, there are people who have legitimate medical reasons for being where they are. However; if you can get out of bed, you can probably begin to exercise. Seeing as diet is probably 90% of weight loss, you can make better choices.

A quick health update. 2 months post surgery my pain level has dropped from 6-10 with nauseating flares, to 3-6 with occasional dizziness and nausea. At least I am not in bed almost all day. The neurosurgeon said< "This could take as long as 2 years to heal. And... Let's face it, you may never be pain free. We'll do everything we can to keep you comfortable."

Thanks for the votes, comments and friend requests, I very much appreciate them.

Sounds Like Life to Me

This is a small collection of life lessons - well the ones that I could remember today. There are a lot of others in the file, the problem is getting them out.

- Even idiots think they are above average drivers.

- It sucks when you are in an argument and realize that you are wrong.

- Sarcasm is most useful when followed by a smiley. :)

- Folding fitted sheets is better left to professionals.

- Pretending to understand seems sufficient with most people.

- Forgetting is easier after however old you were 10 years ago.

- If you always put your keys in your left front pocket, when you lose them, first ask your spouse.

- I wish Google Maps had an option for avoiding bad neighborhoods.

- Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

- Learning cursive writing was a waste of time and I would like my grades changed to Pass now that it is optional.

- Bad decisions often make good stories.

- Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing all together.

- We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public.

- You will never find anybody with a compelling reason for observing Daylight Saving Time.

- You should not confuse your career with your life.
 
- Losing weight is easier when you are young, but most folks can't imagine being 20 years older or 20 pounds heavier in front of a plate of cookies.
 
- The currency of good relationships is time together.

- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it way too seriously.

- Success is life is measured by not dying.
 
Tell us about something that you have learned from life. 

Thanks in advance for the votes and comments, you are truly awesome supporters! And if I decide to do a TV show, I hope you are my first audience.

Week One, Starting Over

I made a commitment to get going on a healthy lifestyle again. It has been a week. Except for the wedding on Saturday, I have been doing pretty well. You know, I am easing in to it.

I am caught in the place between doing what I am supposed to and not seeing much in the way of results.

Because I am not new to this, I am not delusional about how much work starting over is. I need to take care of my whole being, not just my body. I will say, when the body feels good, it's a lot easier to be emotionally and spiritually healthy.

Life in general isn't easy. It's just that some things are worth it.

Yesterday, I had a some nuts for breakfast. I had an apple at snack time, avocado and tomato salad with pineapple salsa (dressing) for lunch, and two small homemade chipotle shrimp tacos for dinner. Then there were a few strawberries for dessert.

It was a good food day.

I wish the effing MFP app worked better and I would probably log it. I'll get there. I am off to a good start. 2 cups of coffee and a some nuts for breakfast today. I am cutting out eggs, keeping the carbs low, and keeping flesh to a minimum. I need to lower my cholesterol and blood sugar.

So far things are better in the blood work department.

I am still running. It is just three miles, three times a week. I am the slowest I have ever been since I started running in 2011, post congestive heart failure. A 14 minute mile is still a mile. Who knows if I will be back to running 21 minute 5Ks. 

In my mind, I am still am.

I have started back to lifting weights, too. It started with recovering my shoulder after surgery in March. I have added some new exercises. Just simple stuff like curls, reverse curls, flies, and presses.

I should look like the Hulk by 2090.

Spiritually things are pretty good. I haven't found a new church that fits me, yet. For now, I keep looking, pray, and find a lot of peace being out on the water in the boat. I have been in contact with some of my faith friends from various places; their phone calls keep me going.

I am right where I am supposed to be for this season.

Creatively, I am writing and playing guitar. It is frustrating, but I am doing it 15 or 20 minutes a few times a week. I am using my brain and spirit to capture moments from my imagination.

It is probably a good thing it is just a few moments.... 

Emotionally, it has been a lot tougher. I really did intend to be 100% after neurosurgery. There have been a few tears. I wrote this yesterday.

"This has been my life since I woke up August 13, 2018. I have had 4 ER visits, a pile of steroids, painkillers, pain relievers, Botox, anticonvulsants, chiropractic care, PT, dry needling, massage, 3 spinal injections, and 2 major surgeries since March. I have seen 6 neurologists, 2 neurosurgeons, an ENT, an oral surgeon, a physiatrist, and a PCP; totaling over 100 appointments.

Surgery has reduced my pain from virtually nauseating and unbearable to mildly debilitating. The nerve damage was severe enough that it could take another year or even two to get the maximum benefit - or possibly not.

It’s always easier when you can take a drug or have a procedure and be well in a few weeks time. Chronic pain is sometimes invisible to even the most educated. If you see me out and around, it’s because I am handling it."

Starting Over Again

Today I am starting over, again! It's the first time since I joined MFP in 2011 that I need a total overhaul of my lifestyle. I am really tired of getting up and feeling worn out, depressed, fat, and lazy.

It sucks.

I had a self assignment to get running, writing, and music back in my life. Today I am adding in food. I need to get this back under control. I am up 25 pounds and I hate it. I miss running and it makes me depressed. 

I miss being creative, I guess I am bored.

Sure, I have a lot going on. Doesn't everyone? I know there is no perfect life. Something is always off the rails - work, food, relationships, kids, and in my case, health. I have had my share for sure.

Yesterday I had my yearly colonoscopy.

It was my fifth one in 7 years. It is under anesthesia, therefore you need a ride home. I arranged that with a new friend in the area. He lives a few minutes from the hospital which in turn, is a few minutes from my home.

I got there promptly at 7:30, one half hour early as requested.

After the nurse asked me my name, she the asked where my ride was? What time will I be done, I asked?

"We can't begin until they are here." she said with a bit of a pissy attitude.

Well, she must have forgotten that I haven't eaten for 48 hours, not to mention I was up at 2:30 am to sit on the toilet for 3 hours. "What, you mean I need a babysitter? "Seriously," I retorted?

"We can't start until your ride is here." she said.

In my nicest Jesus-flipped-over-the-tables-of-the-money-changers  voice, I said, "Well, that is BS!" and dialed my friends phone number as I walked out into the hallway.

I came back in and sat down. I was going to be 90 minutes until my buddy could get there.

The nurse came out to ask if I was ready and explained they couldn't start until my ride was there. "It's cool, he's on his way." I said without looking up.

The snippy receptionist asked when my ride would be there. "On his way." I said while messing with my phone. 

The head of nursing came out to explain they couldn't start looking in my ass until my ride was there. "I know, I need a babysitter. I was advised." I said after her speech. (The papers and phone reminders only said I was supposed to have a ride, not that they had to be there during the procedure.)

The receptionist said they could do this without anesthesia. "Are you kidding? Hell no!" I replied.

"I can't even wipe myself without meth," I thought to myself.

The anesthesiologist came out to talk to me. She apologized for the delay. Then she asked me when my ride would be there. "As soon as possible. I'm sorry I can't fix this." I replied.

They started taking others before me.

I thought maybe I should be nicer to people who were going to stick stuff up my butt. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I would regret this day. I looked around the waiting room and thought about all those normal people prepping. It made me nauseous.

Finally my buddy showed up. They whisked me off to pre-op and stuck me in a bay. 

The nurse (and everyone else knew I was mad) so they all played nice. "That's a really awesome tattoo you have," he said. (It's a dragon and a tiger on my forearm.)

"I got it after my first assassination." I said without making eye contact. "I am just kidding. I got it after I ran the Tokyo Marathon."

Things moved along pretty quickly and I could feel the Propofal taking effect. It's a little game I play. I hang on to consciousness as long as possible. The last thing I remember is the nurses butt in my face as she turned around to adjust the classic rock.

Finally I am in recovery!

Another nurse start's talking like Charlie Brown's teacher. My buddy is there. Things start to become a little clearer. The nurse says she can take out my IV and I can get dressed and leave whenever I want.

She peels the tape from my arm and comments on my tattoo.

Then places the used tape on the sheet right over my crotch. I was at a loss for words. I was going to tell her about my tattoo. But this what came out. "Why are you putting tape on my crotch?"

My friend was laughing.

Just then the doctor came in to say what he found. "Just one polyp, and I doubt it is cancerous." I thanked him. Inside I was sooo very grateful to be colon cancer-free.

My gratitude was interrupted by a tug on the sheets above my man-parts. The nurse was removing the used tape.

When I woke up this morning, I started doing things that are hard for me right now. Writing this blog was one of them.

Things 3000 Days Has Taught Me

I have been at this journey for well over 3000 days. And in some circles that makes me an expert. :P There are a few observations I have made about where I am at in all this. I am also endlessly amused at the some of the stuff people believe about weight loss, running, and exercise in general. I believed some of that stuff too.

Uh oh, here he goes. Time to report him to the blog Nazis!

Here is what I am seeing:

- You feel fat after you eat and you feel thinner after you exercise.

- People are not allergic to water; they are often addicted to sugar.

- If you spice up your plain food, the dogs won't eat the leftovers.

- Runners don't care if their dog has diarrhea, they run with them anyway.

- The best way to lose the last 10 pounds is liposuction.

- Once they can see it, men look at their junk a lot more often then they realize.

- A new purse isn't going to change the scale.

- The scale going down is not an indicator of fitness.

- Sucking it in doesn't work on bingo wings and love handles.

- Endorphins are the nectar of the workout gods.

- Spilling a $6.00 energy drink is the adult equivalent of a child loosing a helium balloon.

- Turn off your flash, and put away feminine products and sex toys when taking success and progress pictures in the bathroom.

How do I know these things? I wrote a book about it.

Thanks for being on the journey, for your friendship, and your support. David
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