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New is the New Old Thing

Today I am back in the hospital for round 2 of my cisternogram - then 2 more days to go. I haven't given up and I am allowed to run 72 hours from Monday morning at 9 am. So let's see - Tuesday, Wednesday - right Thursday at 9 am!

The lumbar puncture has made my headache go from brutal to near horrific. :(

I have medication for that, so we move forward and live life as best we can. I am still dreaming of a future with less pain. I am still dreaming about all the things left to do in life. I am going to visit all my kids between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I missed them last year. Covid ruined most of those plans this year - but I am going. I don't feel like traveling. I also don't feel like a lot of things. The benefit is I get to be with the people I love.

Living life!

I am learning that what I think matters a lot. The conversations I have with myself have always needed to change. This isn't completly new, it is just that I gave myself permission to speak to myself like some sort of jerk who just cut me off in traffic.

Add to that a disability and it can spiral down quickly.

Today I am back to turning things around. In weight loss, in running, and in life. I am taking care of my body as best as I can. I am taking care of my soul. I am taking care of my spirit. 

It all begins with what I think and the little actions I take.

I have a new running goal. I have a new life goal. They are not like anything I had before. The pit of indecision, that was the same.

- Think fitness, not weight loss.
- Think inches, not pounds.
- Think about what you are doing right.
- Think about adding new things, not subtracting them.
- What can I replace instead of what can I hold on to?
- What I can I schedule to make this work?
- What is a step I can take today?
- How can I reward my success instead of sabotaging my progress?
- Can I confess my failure without judgement?
- Who is a cheerleader that believes in you?
- Stay away from bad influences! (or shoot them!)
- Do it for yourself.
- Set goals. This is tough one. What is a good and achievable goal? What if you don't make it?
- Change your goals if you need to.
- Get enough friends so you enjoy your journey.
- Read success stories!
- Don't give up! Ever.

Am I Ever Going to Win?

I don't know about you, but even though I am not afraid of being mugged my a chocolate cake with vanilla icing (is this profiling), this effing food thing is tough. I does not care how fit you are, or what you do; when you consume more calories than you burn, you gain weight.

This should be easy - easy after 7 years. It's not.


Most of you know that since I first logged onto MFP I became a marathoner. I have run 10 of them. The real deal, the 26.2 mile kind! I have run about 90 other distances and did a 60 mile charity run across Massachusetts and a 30-miler across Rhode Island. I do love running, but it is not a weight loss program.

You cannot outrun a bad diet.

Marathons are a lot different than shorter distance races. You need to have lots of rest before and lots of recovery time after. With a 3 week taper leading up to the race and a week or two of recovery, you don't get a lot of exercise.

The problem is that it is hard to cut down on your food intake.

Well it is for me. I need to be in a highly controlled environment. That means nothing that I should consider an occasional treat can be in walking distance. I can't have left over birthday cake, chips, dips, and other types of snack foods close by.

I just can't do it!


I have to divide up portions meat, fish, chicken and turkey when I get home from the grocery store. It's SO easy to toss the second turkey burger in when I get home from work and I am hungry. If there is more than one in a package, I will eat them all. The good news is that when I run, I am a lot less hungry.

What I don't do is control portions.

One of the things I know about failing is that we give ourselves permission to do it. We make excuses. "It's only once", "it's vacation", "it's OK to start over tomorrow", "it's just a stressful time" and the hits keep on coming. In 4 years on MFP I have seen a lot of people come and go - a lot - thousands in fact!

Overeating is an enemy of mine

The fact still remains that 55% of those who lose weight will not keep it all off, 20% will return to their previous weight and 20% or so will gain even more weight then they lost. That leaves 5% to win the championship and make a true lifestyle change.

I want to be one of them.

Do You Have a Problem, Sir?

The story begins with the ride to the airport after finishng the 2014 Chicago Marathon.

I booked a flight home the day after the marathon. Worst. Planning. Ever. 
Science research shows that human beings are getting taller and fatter with every generation.

Especially me - I mean the fatter part.

It seems that every airline has used that information and interpreted that to mean they should decrease the space between the seat rows and compact the chairs. Instead of making clusters of two and three seats per row, every row crams three seats on each side of the aisle. What that means is, I was sitting in my seat with my chin propped up with my knees. There was no room stretch out, or even move.

You can imagine what my muscles thought about that after running a marathon.

Whatever you’re imagining, it was worse. Every runner has experienced muscle cramps, and the way to get rid of a cramp is to stand on it to apply pressure. As a runner, I have experienced some horrific Charlie Horses!

Eff Charlie. Eff the horse. Just saying.

It’s only a two hour flight; the flight attendants are trying to do their job and offer passengers the Dixie cup of Coke that is included in the ticket price. During food service (this sounds elegant for a 5-cent pack of stale pretzels)

I was asked to return to my seat.

I couldn’t walk it out, and I couldn’t stretch, and when it hit, it caused extreme pain - the kind that makes you let out a yelp like a dog who got its tail caught in the car door. Apparently, that noise sounds a lot like a terrorist attack. It was just my luck that it happened to be an Air Marshal one seat ahead and across the aisle.

As he turned around I could see the pistol hanging from inside his jacket, which incidentally was not an official Chicago Marathon Finisher’s jacket.

One eye making direct contact with mine as I was trying to stand up with a seatbelt on, and asked in a baritone voice, “You got a problem, sir?” As he talked, his left eyebrow lifted upward and he looked at me in such a way that I knew better than to tell him my problem. Trying my best not to look like a nervous infidel with a body bomb, I simply shook my head. “No, I’m good.”

Eventually, the plane touched down in Boston.

Identifying Pathetic Runners and Raceholes

Every sport has @$$holes and variations thereof, but running seems to have a unique flavor of @$$hole that I refer to as raceholes. The fact that raceholes run-shame other runners is nothing new. This however, does not mean that you may act anyway that you like. Based on my made-up scientific research, I have found that raceholes can be subdivided even further into three classes:
1. Asshats are runners who do stupid things and may not be aware of the reason why. Even pathetic runners can be asshats. They’re recognized by these actions:
· Splashing water on the volunteers
· Sudden stop for any reason
· Run races with dogs on a leash

2. Twatwaffles are runners who are just rude.
· Not pulling over to the side with a hand signal before a walk break
· Using speakers instead of headphones during a race

3. Douche Canoes do things to specifically aggravate other runners

And that's from my new book so you will be educated. :)
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