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Denial Plus

Today I am feeling like crap after 32 injections in my head. I have been more depressed than when I started MFP in 2011. Back then I had hope for recovery from congestive heart failure. I have spent over a year trying to get to the bottom of this f#^%king headache. However, I have committed to writing something every week. Today it is about denial.

I can't just continue to give myself permission to fail when it comes to food.

I wish the MFP app wasn't such a piece of crap, I might even log my food.

You know that you are in denial when:

- The doc says you need to lose weight, and you think, I don't look that bad.

- Your insurance company gives you $600 a year in savings for doing their health rewards program and you think about all the food you could buy with it.

- You buy a selfie stick to get the best aerial shot for your Facebook profile pic.

- You say that if God had wanted you to exercise and touch your toes, He would have put them higher up on your body.

- Your favorite pants don't fit, and you blame your spouse for washing them in hot water and then drying then on high.

- You go to the coffee shop and tell the cashier the coffee is for you, and the donuts are for your pet Fighting Fish, when the truth is it's the other way around.

- You go to an "all you can eat" restaurant or buffet because you have invested in their stock.

- You eat whatever you like because you get a lot of exercise - pushing the buttons on the remote.

- You heard that there were two pieces of cake in the fridge, and think how sad it is that you missed one.

- Instead of looking at the size tag on clothes, you look to see if it has elastic.

- You kick the scale, well, because it's a scale damit.

- All your vacation photos at Disney were taken at the Food Court in Epcot Center.

- You get flowers and chocolates from an admirer and throw the flowers out.

- You eat because, well, your mouth wasn't that busy at the time.

- You are out of breath just thinking about exercise.

- You go to weddings because the cake is free.

- You tell yourself this is the last pizza... today...

- You try to do a push up and discover that a number of body parts have not left the floor.

So this has been pretty much me. There are no excuses left except that I haven't tried in a number of months. I am no longer on the meds, the headache which doesn't change if I workout, I have no physical restrictions, and now it is up to me.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

Friend me at your own risk.

My New Top 10

After 9 years on MFP, and a half dozen serious helath issues, I started to fail. Time to get going again. Because...

...weight loss and fitness is fragile!

During this time, I have met a few of the MFP clan in real life. There are some nice folks here. I am overjoyed that the LIKE button replaced WTG and WTF. I learned how to run, got a few medals, and ran a marathon or two.

I learned a few reach their goal weight, but sadly, many more don't make it. And some get there and realpase.

How fragile is it? A few surgeries caused me to be down more thaan a few weeks since March. Without running, for the first time in years, I have been depressed - really deppressed. I gained 30 pounds! That is almost 35% of my weight loss. One would think, with all that I have learned, that I would have cut back the calories while I was healing. I found it very hard to do that. 

So what used to be my secrets to success?

-1 I weighed myself everyday and did measurements every 3 months.
-2 I measured my food portions and for the few food items I buy with a label, I read that too.
-3 I bought new underwear. It's my secret pleasure.
-4 I make time to sleep 8 hours. Depression helps.
-5 I take a few supplements that seem to work.
-6 I ran 6 days a week. I have been failing at 3.
-7 I walked 3-4 miles a day plus I use the 4 floors of stairs in my building often - about 50K steps a day. Today I average about 1000 steps.
-8 I logged all my food. I tried to get going but the MFP app is seriously a piece of crap. That's my excuse and I am sticking to it.
-9 I don't eat sweet drinks or food (with or without real sugar) except an occasional piece of birthday cake. Still oin track except for the 2 chocolate squares with tea.
-10 I don't eat fast food, pizza, white flour, rice, white potatoes or tofu 363 days a year. Tofu is 365!
-11 I am a vegetarian who happens to eat beef, lamb, pork, chicken and fish in small quantities.
-12 I don't have junk food in the house or I will eat it.
-13 I stick to superfoods as often as I can. Fruit, veggies, nuts and spices are on that list.
-14 As much as I would like to, I don't smoke crack.

I know, that's more than 10. The same thing seems to happen with food.

As always, thanks for your support, comments and votes.

5 Stages of Grief

Terminally ill patients often go through fairly predictable stages as they begin to accept their life is coming to an end (hopefully, they have an eternal home). I have watched it happen with both my parents. It's sad, but thank God we get some time when it counts the most!

If you were a fatso like me when you first logged onto MFP, you're going to go through some emotional stages too - lots of them. Like a maturing baby, you'll probably throw a few tantrums along the way, too. If you don't believe me, read the message boards!

Stage 1: Denial: It's not just a river in Egypt! If you have a BMI over 30, you are obese, and if it is over 25 you are overweight according to the National Heart Lung and Blood Association. The problem is what you eat, not big bones and if you are here on MFP, you and I both know why; it's not to get recipes! (Although that is a good reason to be on MFP!)

Stage 2: Anger: You probably think Jillian Michaels is too skinny, and that guys with 6-pack abs got them from sitting around watching football. Poor you, you didn't get them. I know I am mad when I go to lunch with someone my age, and they freakin' eat an entire pizza while I limit myself to 1 or 2 slices. You might be mad at God for making everything that tastes good bad for you.

Stage 3 Bargaining: "Lord if you let me indulge this day and it doesn't show up on the scale, I will give money to the next organization that knocks on my door!" Are you kidding? You popped a pants button and a dead pigeon fell from the sky; you are a frequent flier at Big & Tall: it's no deal! "Real" is the root word of reality.

Stage 4 Depression: Drinking water, putting away the salt shaker, logging your meals, dumping fast food as a dietary option -  and gasp, exercising so that you sweat! Who wouldn't be depressed?!? It's normal to be bummed out that we can't be like others and eat anything we want, in any quantity we want to.

Stage 5 - Acceptance:  Time to snap out it! "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." That's right! Unlike terminal patients you have a chance to change your history, your health, and your waist line.

The health benefits of losing weight and keeping it off are amazing. But who cares what your BMI is when you have a donut in the break room with your name on it? If you really accept where you are, you'll stop defending your bad food choices and making excuses for why the scale hates you.

Stage 6 - The Party Stage: Why not focus on what you can do when you lose the weight and get healthy.

- You'll feel better and your depression will be less.
- You'll have better skin!
- You'll be less likely to be sick from viral and bacterial disease.
- You'll have more positions you can use for "that."
- You will eventually acquire a taste for what is good for you.
- You'll live longer with the ones you love.
- You'll have more choices for clothing stores.
- You'll be more comfortable on planes and camel rides.
- Your joints will feel better.
- You can eat from the children's menu if you use the curb-side pick up at most of the chains. This saves money!
- You'll need less medication when you do need it.
- You'll have more energy.
- You'll look younger.
- You'll probably only have one chin to shave and not two or three.
- You'll sleep better.
- You'll reduce health care costs.
- You can buy shoes that tie - in fact you might even see your feet for the first time in a while.
- You'll put on new underwear and feel like touching yourself - that might just be me.

Thanks for the comments and votes. You guys are awesome!
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