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Sounds Like Life to Me

This is a small collection of life lessons - well the ones that I could remember today. There are a lot of others in the file, the problem is getting them out.

- Even idiots think they are above average drivers.

- It sucks when you are in an argument and realize that you are wrong.

- Sarcasm is most useful when followed by a smiley. :)

- Folding fitted sheets is better left to professionals.

- Pretending to understand seems sufficient with most people.

- Forgetting is easier after however old you were 10 years ago.

- If you always put your keys in your left front pocket, when you lose them, first ask your spouse.

- I wish Google Maps had an option for avoiding bad neighborhoods.

- Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

- Learning cursive writing was a waste of time and I would like my grades changed to Pass now that it is optional.

- Bad decisions often make good stories.

- Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing all together.

- We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public.

- You will never find anybody with a compelling reason for observing Daylight Saving Time.

- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Losing weight is easier when you are young, but most folks can't imagine being 20 years older or 20 pounds heavier in front of a plate of cookies.
- The currency of good relationships is time together.

- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it way too seriously.

- Success is life is measured by not dying.
Tell us about something that you have learned from life. 

Thanks in advance for the votes and comments, you are truly awesome supporters! And if I decide to do a TV show, I hope you are my first audience.

Week One, Starting Over

I made a commitment to get going on a healthy lifestyle again. It has been a week. Except for the wedding on Saturday, I have been doing pretty well. You know, I am easing in to it.

I am caught in the place between doing what I am supposed to and not seeing much in the way of results.

Because I am not new to this, I am not delusional about how much work starting over is. I need to take care of my whole being, not just my body. I will say, when the body feels good, it's a lot easier to be emotionally and spiritually healthy.

Life in general isn't easy. It's just that some things are worth it.

Yesterday, I had a some nuts for breakfast. I had an apple at snack time, avocado and tomato salad with pineapple salsa (dressing) for lunch, and two small homemade chipotle shrimp tacos for dinner. Then there were a few strawberries for dessert.

It was a good food day.

I wish the effing MFP app worked better and I would probably log it. I'll get there. I am off to a good start. 2 cups of coffee and a some nuts for breakfast today. I am cutting out eggs, keeping the carbs low, and keeping flesh to a minimum. I need to lower my cholesterol and blood sugar.

So far things are better in the blood work department.

I am still running. It is just three miles, three times a week. I am the slowest I have ever been since I started running in 2011, post congestive heart failure. A 14 minute mile is still a mile. Who knows if I will be back to running 21 minute 5Ks. 

In my mind, I am still am.

I have started back to lifting weights, too. It started with recovering my shoulder after surgery in March. I have added some new exercises. Just simple stuff like curls, reverse curls, flies, and presses.

I should look like the Hulk by 2090.

Spiritually things are pretty good. I haven't found a new church that fits me, yet. For now, I keep looking, pray, and find a lot of peace being out on the water in the boat. I have been in contact with some of my faith friends from various places; their phone calls keep me going.

I am right where I am supposed to be for this season.

Creatively, I am writing and playing guitar. It is frustrating, but I am doing it 15 or 20 minutes a few times a week. I am using my brain and spirit to capture moments from my imagination.

It is probably a good thing it is just a few moments.... 

Emotionally, it has been a lot tougher. I really did intend to be 100% after neurosurgery. There have been a few tears. I wrote this yesterday.

"This has been my life since I woke up August 13, 2018. I have had 4 ER visits, a pile of steroids, painkillers, pain relievers, Botox, anticonvulsants, chiropractic care, PT, dry needling, massage, 3 spinal injections, and 2 major surgeries since March. I have seen 6 neurologists, 2 neurosurgeons, an ENT, an oral surgeon, a physiatrist, and a PCP; totaling over 100 appointments.

Surgery has reduced my pain from virtually nauseating and unbearable to mildly debilitating. The nerve damage was severe enough that it could take another year or even two to get the maximum benefit - or possibly not.

It’s always easier when you can take a drug or have a procedure and be well in a few weeks time. Chronic pain is sometimes invisible to even the most educated. If you see me out and around, it’s because I am handling it."

Starting Over Again

Today I am starting over, again! It's the first time since I joined MFP in 2011 that I need a total overhaul of my lifestyle. I am really tired of getting up and feeling worn out, depressed, fat, and lazy.

It sucks.

I had a self assignment to get running, writing, and music back in my life. Today I am adding in food. I need to get this back under control. I am up 25 pounds and I hate it. I miss running and it makes me depressed. 

I miss being creative, I guess I am bored.

Sure, I have a lot going on. Doesn't everyone? I know there is no perfect life. Something is always off the rails - work, food, relationships, kids, and in my case, health. I have had my share for sure.

Yesterday I had my yearly colonoscopy.

It was my fifth one in 7 years. It is under anesthesia, therefore you need a ride home. I arranged that with a new friend in the area. He lives a few minutes from the hospital which in turn, is a few minutes from my home.

I got there promptly at 7:30, one half hour early as requested.

After the nurse asked me my name, she the asked where my ride was? What time will I be done, I asked?

"We can't begin until they are here." she said with a bit of a pissy attitude.

Well, she must have forgotten that I haven't eaten for 48 hours, not to mention I was up at 2:30 am to sit on the toilet for 3 hours. "What, you mean I need a babysitter? "Seriously," I retorted?

"We can't start until your ride is here." she said.

In my nicest Jesus-flipped-over-the-tables-of-the-money-changers  voice, I said, "Well, that is BS!" and dialed my friends phone number as I walked out into the hallway.

I came back in and sat down. I was going to be 90 minutes until my buddy could get there.

The nurse came out to ask if I was ready and explained they couldn't start until my ride was there. "It's cool, he's on his way." I said without looking up.

The snippy receptionist asked when my ride would be there. "On his way." I said while messing with my phone. 

The head of nursing came out to explain they couldn't start looking in my ass until my ride was there. "I know, I need a babysitter. I was advised." I said after her speech. (The papers and phone reminders only said I was supposed to have a ride, not that they had to be there during the procedure.)

The receptionist said they could do this without anesthesia. "Are you kidding? Hell no!" I replied.

"I can't even wipe myself without meth," I thought to myself.

The anesthesiologist came out to talk to me. She apologized for the delay. Then she asked me when my ride would be there. "As soon as possible. I'm sorry I can't fix this." I replied.

They started taking others before me.

I thought maybe I should be nicer to people who were going to stick stuff up my butt. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I would regret this day. I looked around the waiting room and thought about all those normal people prepping. It made me nauseous.

Finally my buddy showed up. They whisked me off to pre-op and stuck me in a bay. 

The nurse (and everyone else knew I was mad) so they all played nice. "That's a really awesome tattoo you have," he said. (It's a dragon and a tiger on my forearm.)

"I got it after my first assassination." I said without making eye contact. "I am just kidding. I got it after I ran the Tokyo Marathon."

Things moved along pretty quickly and I could feel the Propofal taking effect. It's a little game I play. I hang on to consciousness as long as possible. The last thing I remember is the nurses butt in my face as she turned around to adjust the classic rock.

Finally I am in recovery!

Another nurse start's talking like Charlie Brown's teacher. My buddy is there. Things start to become a little clearer. The nurse says she can take out my IV and I can get dressed and leave whenever I want.

She peels the tape from my arm and comments on my tattoo.

Then places the used tape on the sheet right over my crotch. I was at a loss for words. I was going to tell her about my tattoo. But this what came out. "Why are you putting tape on my crotch?"

My friend was laughing.

Just then the doctor came in to say what he found. "Just one polyp, and I doubt it is cancerous." I thanked him. Inside I was sooo very grateful to be colon cancer-free.

My gratitude was interrupted by a tug on the sheets above my man-parts. The nurse was removing the used tape.

When I woke up this morning, I started doing things that are hard for me right now. Writing this blog was one of them.

Things 3000 Days Has Taught Me

I have been at this journey for well over 3000 days. And in some circles that makes me an expert. :P There are a few observations I have made about where I am at in all this. I am also endlessly amused at the some of the stuff people believe about weight loss, running, and exercise in general. I believed some of that stuff too.

Uh oh, here he goes. Time to report him to the blog Nazis!

Here is what I am seeing:

- You feel fat after you eat and you feel thinner after you exercise.

- People are not allergic to water; they are often addicted to sugar.

- If you spice up your plain food, the dogs won't eat the leftovers.

- Runners don't care if their dog has diarrhea, they run with them anyway.

- The best way to lose the last 10 pounds is liposuction.

- Once they can see it, men look at their junk a lot more often then they realize.

- A new purse isn't going to change the scale.

- The scale going down is not an indicator of fitness.

- Sucking it in doesn't work on bingo wings and love handles.

- Endorphins are the nectar of the workout gods.

- Spilling a $6.00 energy drink is the adult equivalent of a child loosing a helium balloon.

- Turn off your flash, and put away feminine products and sex toys when taking success and progress pictures in the bathroom.

How do I know these things? I wrote a book about it.

Thanks for being on the journey, for your friendship, and your support. David
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