Diaries of a Nearly Dead Man

I have logged in to MFP everyday for 1565 days. Some may see this as commitment, others as a waste of time on social media. And there are some that probably think I don't need a crutch and should do something else with my new found skinniness.

I wish I could forget about MFP, counting calories, and getting encouragement from others.

The truth is that I don't really have anyone in my life that cares if I am fit. Oh sure, they have noticed the changes. Click on a few pics, the evidence is there. Hey, 297 pounds down to 197 shows on a guy my size. It seems like everyone, everywhere wants to know why I don't eat pizza, mashed potatoes and rice. I only drink water, unsweetened iced tea and coffee on a daily basis. I also have an very occasional bottle (not a couple which often = 6) of non-alcoholic beer. Its 76 calories. Less than a handful of grapes. ;)

As a live-alone-divorced-guy-with-adult-kids-3000-miles-away, there is no one watching any of my daily moves. Early on, I made some rules for success. I have broken a few of them and it bothers me. This is not a case of, "You failed, so start over." I lived that way in the past. I made a commitment to a fit lifestyle and I have gotten a little slack.

I don't believe in giving yourself permission to fail. It's too easy to do again tomorrow.

Sure, I have a lot going on with cancer knocking at the door, checkups and blood tests every 3 months, a daughter getting married next year (read that asking for a lot of cash!) and managing a pre-teen post divorce. (see rule #12) And just a few weeks ago, I logged my lowest weight in well over a decade - maybe 2!

So here are my rules for success. In the past week I have broken #1, #2, #3, #4, #8, #9 and #12. the good news is my profile is up to date and I have lots of pictures. :)

-1 Schedule your workouts like you would a gynecology appointment. You may not want to go, but you need at least to take 30 minutes 3x/week to move as much and as fast as you can. Fitness includes some strength training - details in my book (which you should buy!)
-2 Log all your food and set your activity levels properly. If you can't count, Google easy math. ;)
-3 Try eating your exercise calories as recommended. It might NOT work, so try not eating them! Just don't make another post in the forums about it! Nobody likes forum Nazis.
-4 Weigh your food portions. I suspect you didn't get to where you are by knowing how many grams/ounces a rib eye steak weighs!
-5 Get rid of all the junk foods and trigger foods in the house. I will even let you log this as Cardio exercise, "Cleaning with Maximum Effort!"
-6 Take pictures now, you'll be glad you did. If you are serious, take some ugly fat pics! 50 pounds from now you'll be glad you did.
-7 Use the tape measure often and the scale sparingly. If you are doing the cardio and strength training (not body building), some weeks your weight is going to move around. The sign of true weight loss is lower body fat percentages (not lower body fat, like your butt jiggles.)
-8 Plan for success - know what you are going to eat as far in advance as you can. A weekly meal plan, lunches made and frozen before the work week, and planning for holidays and parties is essential. A flight plan will save a lot of complaining and looking for sympathy on the news feed. :)
-9 Visit your favorite restaurant sites NOW, and make a list of suitable meals at each of them. You really can get out of most places with a 400 calorie meal if you plan for it. bookmark them on your PC and/or Smartphone.
-10 Fill out your profile, otherwise you won't have any friends.  Friends are essential.
-11 Remember most people eventually fail (well over 70%), but you don't have to be one of them. Dieters are usually the first one to fall off the circus wagon, followed by those that were doing it for a special occasion and then those who did not maintain
-12 Never make excuses, it's your life. :)

Has anyone told you that running is dangerous? Well, it can be. Even though it's not always about injuries, it can still be deadly. You could have a heart attack, get run over by a car, or eaten by a bear. The latter is a good reason to choose a run bud that is a just a little slower than you are at a panicked pace.

Not dying should be a high priority if you are running. Actually it is a good life motto. "Don't die."

Now that I live alone, I have different habits for living in my apartment than I did when I lived with a family in a sea of progesterone. For instance I don't have dog gates because I don't have a dog. I won't be tripping over that ever again. I also don't have French Roast coffee because I don't drink it.

In spite of my new freedom, I still can't seem to leave the toilet seat up, but I would like to learn how.

Although my apartment is pretty big, the kitchen and bathroom are side by side at one end. Because no one else lives there, I don't need to shut the door so as to not terrorize my daughters. Heck, I don't even have to wear anything if I don't want to.

The down side is a stinky bathroom (why I don't do cleanses!) as it comingles with the smell of baked salmon in the kitchen. Thank God for a fan and a door when it's needed.

Because the bathroom is on the small side, there isn't really any place to put my clean clothes down when I take a shower. In fact my bathroom is too small to change your mind in.

So, I leave my clothes outside the door on the kitchen counter next to the stove.

I am not a morning person. I make coffee by Braille. It can take up to 2 cups of coffee and about an hour to even know if I have my glasses on. Some days I have my contacts in and my glasses on; without the coffee, I can't tell.

I am a little OCD about things - well, a lot of things. I seem to create routines that make me feel comfortable. Moving really shook me up. I had new locks, new storage places and new furniture. My previously stacked-to-the-ceiling apartment was now spread out. The clutter of one-room-living was finally gone.

Everything has a place!

One day I locked myself out  because I live in a new town where I felt the need to lock the door. When I lived in the city, I used to lock the door with a key so this would never happen. I even drove past my own driveway at night 3 or 4 times. Who needs street lights, right?

It's taken a month, but I am unpacked and seem to have a routine for getting up, going to bed and keeping the place neat and clean. I have even cleaned the toilet once. I still put the seat down.

I forgot where I was going with all this...

Right. One morning I got up and successfully made coffee with milk (not OJ or beer). I was feeling pretty wide awake. I left my bedroom and picked out my work pants, shirt and underwear. I tossed a pair of socks on top of my work shoes and carried the rest to the counter top by the stove. I was planning a post work run, so I got all of that out too.

I flipped on the bathroom lights and tossed my boxers on the stove.

I admired myself in the mirror, brushed my teeth, shaved and took a shower. I dried off, put on deodorant, brushed my hair, took my medication and popped in my contact lenses; then I headed for my clothes.

Standing in the kitchen, I was thinking about what to have for breakfast. I like food. Eggs and corned beef hash sounded good. I know you can't eat it over the sink to avoid dishes, but it still sounded good. I flipped on the burner and went to grab a frying pan.

Then there was the smell of something burning.

Yup, there they were, a pair of hot smoking plaid boxers. I grabbed them like one of the girls had walked into the room and I was naked. I threw them in the sink and turned on the water.

Then I thought, is this how a runner dies?

The rest of the morning was uneventful and I bought a fire extinguisher on the way home from work. Then I went for a run without locking myself out.

I didn't die.

An excerpt from my new book, The Pathetic Runner.