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Weight Loss is a Religion

Since the beginning of mankind, religion has often turned the world upside down. Everyone has an opinion about unseen whether it's good, bad or somewhere in between. They worship, they teach, they hope, they pray, and they even spread the word about their personal enlightenment.

Folks can be just as religious about weight loss!

That's right, some of us have become enlightened and now everyone needs to become like us! What, you don't believe me? Here are the basics constructs of religion.

Belief in Supernatural Being, Deity or Absolute: Weight-losers believe that the calories are supernatural. Then sneak in at night and shrink your clothes and meddle with the zero balance on the scale.

Sacred and Profane Objects: Sacred objects include the scale, skinny jeans and sometimes the tape measure. The profane; chocolate, ice cream, donuts, wings and pizza.

Rituals: Scale worship is like daily vespers. Then there is something akin to high mass like cheat days.

Moral Code: You must eat clean, lift heavy, do intervals, or zip your pants. There are many factions.

Religious Feelings: I ate donut, I feel fat. I ate a salad I feel skinny. I ran a marathon and I am sore.

Prayer: There are wrote prayers like the names we call the scale. It's a universal language. Then there is the second donut prayer and the skipped my workout pray before ascending to the Altar of Poundage. (I heard the Brits get stoned there.)

A World View: Our world is about weight and rarely about fitness. We have a hard time seeing ourselves as we really are. We say it's OK to have curves and type II diabetes. But then we hit a goal or two and sanity clears our vision.

Intolerance: Skinny people make us angry enough to trip them on the escalator at the mall.

Divine Destiny: We are dream of the afterlife of being sexy and skinny somewhere in life.

Problem of Evil Explained: We know about sugar, Aspertame and GMO's, just ask us!

A Social Group Bound Together: Umm, we are here on MFP.

Belief in a Sacred Scripture: Fad diets are everywhere, but heretics like me have written their own.

Thanks for reading along. I appreciate the votes and comments.

Cut it Short - Twisted Acronyms

As I cruise towards 4 years on My Fitness Pal (MFP), I have had a number of non-scale related victories (NSV). I have also been told to stop whining (SW), and on occasion, be quiet (STFU).

Around here and a lot of ther places, acronyms are a way of life.

Now that I am a real runner, I found there are also quite a few million shortend phrases for that group too. On average, runners are smarter and make more money than say, underwater basket weavers. That is why they can remember all this stuff - or pay someone to remember them for them us.

ACL - A Crude Line. Runners are not known for not so great pick up lines.
AG – Agrivated Groin. Runners have them a lot. Also see PITB.
AHR - A Hairy Runner
ART – Making chalk sidewalk drwaings during C25K
BMR - Big Man Runner. Replaces the BMOC big man on campus.
BPM - Bright People Marathon. Duh!
BQ – Being Queer. Acting odly before a race.
C25K - Couch to 5K. Beer and pizza followed by a run.
CD - Pre-iPod music
DAL - Dead Ass Last
DM - Donut Mountain
DNF – Did Not Fornicate
PITB - Pain In The Butt

There will be lots more in my new book.

Winter Running has an Up Side

The pendulum of winter has swung the other way. That b1&$h Mother Nature and her partner in crime, Jack Frost, are both on my hit list after dumping four feet of snow in a week; all with the promise of more to come.

I am training for the Boston Marathon which is in April.

The longest runs are ramping up with a 15-miler on Valentine's Day. I don't mind the cold, but the snow sure does make the roads narrow. A handful of us beasts train on the Boston Marathon route. For the most part, it is well plowed.

The problem is where to put all the snow.

Four years ago, I could have cared less about the snow, the roads and even the cold. I sat in my warm and toasty office eating bonbons and feeding my fat stores for no good reason. Weighing in somewhere slightly south of 300 pounds, running was far from my thoughts.

Then I spent a week in ICU with congestive heart failure.

The spring of my recovery brought increasingly warm weather so I ran outside. Ummm like a half mile with a walk break or two. In the winter I did Couch to 5K (C25K) on the treadmill for all the snowy days. 30 minutes is my max on the

March of 2012 I ran my first 5K.

My last two runs it has been around 10 F with 20 to 30 mile per hour winds. The good news is that the sun was out and that changes everything.

Winter running has it's down side:
- Cold hands
- Cold stomach; really, WTF?
- Frozen Gatorade
- Dry and itchy skin
- Male shrinkage
- Frozen GU (not the same as above)
- Narrow roads
- Ice patches
- Motorists yelling out the window to get on the unplowed sidewalk
- Salt trucks
- Blowing snow

It also has it's upside:
- Cute motorists asking if you need a ride

Thanks for reading along. My new book will have lots of pathetic running stories.
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