Cancer Sucks and Cuddly Kittens
Some of you know that I have been around here for a few years. It's not that important. I stuck with the plan and lost a lot of weight, not to mention I can run a marathon and fit in some much smaller clothes.
I also made some people on the message boards mad.
I have had 5 surgeries since I showed up as a Photoshopped profile picture on MFP. The heart surgery was only cosmetic. :) I had my knee repaired and I liked that so much I also had my rotator cuff repaired too.
Last fall, just a few weeks before my first marathon, I had a surgical biopsy. The diagnosis? A malignant tumor. WTF, what I really wanted was liposuction and a tummy tuck to complete the weight loss process. According to the doctor, the tumor is small - compared to what, I don't know - maybe my head.
Cancer sucks. We all know why.
As a follow up, and to get a second opinion, I had another biopsy last Thursday. My previous experience was not a lot of fun. I am pretty much immune to the effects of lidocaine, a local anaesthetic for the people that it works for. Instead of switching me to something new, they gave me more of the one that didn't work. Did I say I was pretty much immune to the effects?
You may want to cover the children's eyes.
Here is a half naked guy with an ultrasound probe strategically placed in the location where my ex-wife swears my head was. Truthfully it felt more like they took all the office furniture and shoved it up there. And oh damn, then they accidently were a little rough on whatever it is up there that doesn't get a touch of local anaesthesia. Then they proceed with the biopsy which feels like you were snapped with a large rubber band on the buttocks. 12 times. Did I mention they took 2 needles to inject antibiotics, one of which was pure molten steel?
Before the procedure I was just wishing it was over because I had the same one late last year. #4 if you are counting. After the procedure, I just wished I was dead. I was in pain and nauseous from the drugs.
Now the recovery process starts. That includes blood. Supposedly it's not much, but I consider mine almost as precious as that of Jesus, and when given the option, I like to keep it in my body. 45 minutes later I lay on the bathroom floor waiting for the pain to subside. I went into shock and my pulse dropped to 39.
As I stated earlier, I have had a number of surgeries and none of them hurt like this.
The ladies are thinking, "oh, now you know what it's like to give birth." Well, I did ask for an epidural and never got one. But whatever it is I gave birth to, I won't have to send it to college or pay for a wedding.
When you have been diagnosed with cancer, you think about a lot of things. Will I die? This sucks and will it suck more? What is the treatment? Can I run? Will I miss work? Will the treatment make me feel sick? And will I die? That questions shows up more often then, "Is there sex in Heaven?"
Venting a little helps. The problem is that someone would rather tell you about an uncle who died from cancer then spend much time just letting you ramble.
So here I am, on the verge of one of the most amazing experiences of my lifetime (however long that is), and I don't get to think about it that much. For the most part the bleeding has subsided, and I am looking forward to a run after work. It's just 5 weeks until the Boston Marathon. It's the last year the the Hoyt's will be running. It's the first year since the bombings. I heard they have free kittens at one of the water stops. I can't wait.
I also made some people on the message boards mad.
I have had 5 surgeries since I showed up as a Photoshopped profile picture on MFP. The heart surgery was only cosmetic. :) I had my knee repaired and I liked that so much I also had my rotator cuff repaired too.
Last fall, just a few weeks before my first marathon, I had a surgical biopsy. The diagnosis? A malignant tumor. WTF, what I really wanted was liposuction and a tummy tuck to complete the weight loss process. According to the doctor, the tumor is small - compared to what, I don't know - maybe my head.
Cancer sucks. We all know why.
As a follow up, and to get a second opinion, I had another biopsy last Thursday. My previous experience was not a lot of fun. I am pretty much immune to the effects of lidocaine, a local anaesthetic for the people that it works for. Instead of switching me to something new, they gave me more of the one that didn't work. Did I say I was pretty much immune to the effects?
You may want to cover the children's eyes.
Here is a half naked guy with an ultrasound probe strategically placed in the location where my ex-wife swears my head was. Truthfully it felt more like they took all the office furniture and shoved it up there. And oh damn, then they accidently were a little rough on whatever it is up there that doesn't get a touch of local anaesthesia. Then they proceed with the biopsy which feels like you were snapped with a large rubber band on the buttocks. 12 times. Did I mention they took 2 needles to inject antibiotics, one of which was pure molten steel?
Before the procedure I was just wishing it was over because I had the same one late last year. #4 if you are counting. After the procedure, I just wished I was dead. I was in pain and nauseous from the drugs.
Now the recovery process starts. That includes blood. Supposedly it's not much, but I consider mine almost as precious as that of Jesus, and when given the option, I like to keep it in my body. 45 minutes later I lay on the bathroom floor waiting for the pain to subside. I went into shock and my pulse dropped to 39.
As I stated earlier, I have had a number of surgeries and none of them hurt like this.
The ladies are thinking, "oh, now you know what it's like to give birth." Well, I did ask for an epidural and never got one. But whatever it is I gave birth to, I won't have to send it to college or pay for a wedding.
When you have been diagnosed with cancer, you think about a lot of things. Will I die? This sucks and will it suck more? What is the treatment? Can I run? Will I miss work? Will the treatment make me feel sick? And will I die? That questions shows up more often then, "Is there sex in Heaven?"
Venting a little helps. The problem is that someone would rather tell you about an uncle who died from cancer then spend much time just letting you ramble.
So here I am, on the verge of one of the most amazing experiences of my lifetime (however long that is), and I don't get to think about it that much. For the most part the bleeding has subsided, and I am looking forward to a run after work. It's just 5 weeks until the Boston Marathon. It's the last year the the Hoyt's will be running. It's the first year since the bombings. I heard they have free kittens at one of the water stops. I can't wait.
Posted on 3/18/2014 by dsjohndrow
24 Comments
24 Comments
