Diaries of a Nearly Dead Man

If you've read any of my blogs, you know that I am pretty pathetic. Weather it's at the gym, out running or at the race course, I do so dumb stuff. I have a long history and doubt much will change soon, if ever. I am the person that causes others to say, "you won't believe this!"

Here is my most recent Top 10:
-1 Instead of pinning my race bib (number), I pinned my glove to my race shirt at my last 5K.
-2 I put a race shirt (which I designed) on backwards.
-3 I forgot my running shorts and ran in my tech long underwear (guys with a fly hole) at lunch. Instead of being embarrassed, I was a little bummed that no one beeped and shouted about one of my body parts.
-4 Dropped my water on the treadmill and turned it into a lawn sprinkler.
-5 Went to work and forgot to pack a towel in my gear bag. Yes, I used a lot of paper towels. Ummm... on 2 occasions.
-6 I forgot to put a hair comb in my bag. I had a meeting with the VP of marketing not long after my workout.
-7 I left my bionic running clothes in a hot car for 5 hours.
-8 The same hot car melted my deodorant stick.
-9 Told my oldest daughter about dork move #1 above and she told me she had 2 different color gloves on.
-10 My youngest daughter overheard us talking about #9 above, and admitted she had pinned her number on upside down at the 5K on Saturday.

There you have it. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And the most pathetic thing of all? This list took less than 5 minutes to write.

And a final warning. I ran a race with a friend from my run club. We are sort of close to the same pace, so we see a lot of each other during races. She has caught the pathetic runner bug from me. It appears that after 5 steps her bra malfunctioned and she had to run an entire a 5K like that. I just hope that I am not in any of her race photos. 

Thanks for the votes and comments.

And thanks to everyone who has read and posted reviews of my book on Amazon! You rock!

Now that I have lost enough weight where I can actually run, I run. I used to run six days a week, but now I have a job. Jobs aren't bad if you like to work - no really, they aren't. I am in my fourth week and my run mileage dropped from 160 miles per month to barely 100.  Pathetic!

I am running the Boston  Marathon in April and I really need to be training.

There is a God, and it turns out, that in His infinite wisdom, He created a group of runners at work who have managed this dilemma; they run at lunch. It's only 5 miles, but it's a run.

A couple of fives doesn't beat a full house, but I'll take it.

My alternatives are early in the morning, or late in the evening during the winter months. I live in a  rural setting now, so there are no street lights, no plowed side-walks and there is still over 2 feet of snow and plenty of ice on the ground.

I love running,  but I am not a freakin' sled dog!

Saturday was my long run day and I needed to do 17 miles. I decided to run to work and back. Because I live reasonably close to work, I can run there and get in almost 12 miles instead of just the lunch 5. They have showers (internet and deodorant) at the office, so I am good - and so is everyone else. Me and couple of buddies from my local run club left my house at 10 am. It's a very hilly run so I convinced them to go slow. That's a trick for not dying at mile 15 or 19 or 20 in a marathon.

That's why I am an expert. I have not yet died.

We had a good run only stopping for a moment to get a drink, chomp on an Endurolyte or suck on a GU packet. When we arrived at the turnaround point, I checked my Garmin and it was 1 hour and 45 minutes. After those hills, I needed a little break, so we took 3 minutes. One of the guys was  just going to the turnaround point, and we bid him good bye.

Danny and I headed on back, enjoying the long easy downhill on the way towards home. Downtown Woonsocket is a little sketchy so we kept moving, ready  for a magic mile at any moment. As we rounded the corner onto Railroad Street I caught a patch of black ice and hit the pavement nearly rolling under a car. My buddy helped me to my feet. Holy crap, it took forever to count the things that hurt. It got cold and I decided to keep  moving.

Danny was cheering me on.

We still had over 6 miles to go. I walked a short hill and then we caught another nice long downhill and I seemed OK. My heart rate was up  and I had to slow it down. Finally I just couldn't go any farther. I called home for a ride and my partner headed on down the road.

The good news is that nothing is broken and despite some bruises, cuts and scratches, I will run again today. Had it been the marathon, I would have pushed through somehow - well, that and there won't be any black ice in late April I hope!

Thanks for the votes and comments, you guys rock!