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Things You Say to Your Scale

The scale has a lot of power over us. It's like a religion - an object of worship even! The fact that it is inanimate doesn't seem to stop us from talking to it though. Thinking about some of the things you've muttered under you breath besides the obvious profanities when stepping on the scale.

The scale is like having a child.

I won't go as far as to say it's like giving birth, but it is a pretty painful experience at times. But like a new mother, once it births a loss, even a baby one, they're pretty excited!

When there is good news from baby scale, it's "I love you baby."

With a new child in the house the real relationship work begins. You start to act like your own parents. The worse the report, the madder you get.

Here are some things you know you can hear yourself saying! (The following is an except from my new book.)

Don't talk to me like that!

Don't make me come down there.

Show me onederland!

Just measure the part that's not water!

This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Someday, when you have offspring, you will understand.

Don't get married ever in your life. And tell that to your kids.  

I am going to stand here until I get the truth.... OK, lie to me and let's get this over with.

You're going to sit there until you give me the weight I am looking for. I don't care if you sit there all night.

Where are your clothes?

Keep your numbers to yourself!

No, I am not pregnant.

Two zeros don't make it right.

When I say no, I mean NOOOOO!  

Because I can pull your batteries out, that's why.

Don't ask me, ask your manufacturer.

Stop playing Biggest Loser, and give me just one weight.

If Tommy told you to go up to 350, would you do it?

Do what I say, not what I do.

Wipe that smile off your dial, or I will.

If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about.

If you break your legs, don't come running to me!

So don't be an abusive parent. ;0

Thanks for the votes and comments.

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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

Failure is Not an Option

All of us have felt like, or actually been, failures at some time in our journey. Yesterday, I certainly felt like one. Most of you know that I have written a book about my transformation from heart patient to runner.

My Kickstarter project failed to reach its funding goal.

After all that work, literally months of preparation, there was zero, nada - nothing to show for it.

At 4:44 I watched the last seconds tick away to zero. Within moments, I had an email as proof of my failed mission. I sat there for a while and tried to think about all the things I might have done differently. A few of you had some suggestions.

I couple of you were pi$$ed! I am thanking God I am on your good side. :)

I confess, what was most penetrating were the don't give up now messages and emails from my MFP pals. I sat in my desk chair and thought about canceling my MFP account and disappearing from cyberspace for a while.

I decided to go for a run with the local running club I just joined instead; it was my second run for the day.

On Facebook I just posted the Kickstarter rejection email and left it that. One of my friends suggested I try out RocketHub, another crowdfunding site. I kept thinking well, I didn't make once, why would I try it again? This morning I reread a coupled of my messages about not quitting.

Some of you guys kinda of suck... for telling me not to quit when I wanted to.

I clicked on the link for RocketHub and copy and pasted my information from Kickstarter, made a few tweaks, cropped a couple of photos, took out the profit on the book, removed a few rewards and launched my new project.

It was approved in 30 minutes.

This time I will succeed because, as one reader stated, "your message is too important to stay in your head." You know, I believe that because I once ran along side a blind man in a road race. I thought, if he can do it, I certainly can.

In order to succeed, I have lowered my expectations, but I have not changed my goal. I am still going to publish my book.

Failure is not an option.

I appreciate everyones support from the messages, to the pledges, to posting my link on your social media pages. It has been awesome.

And finally, as another friend wrote on the RockectHub page. "Glad you persisted, I wouldn't have expected any less. :)"

This time around, I need your help. With it, I am going to succeed.

Here's the link to join the party! RocketHub

Please vote for this post!

Thoughts on Weight Loss - OK, Humorous Thoughts

I have been at this journey for well over 2 years. And in some circles that makes me an expert. :P There are some observations I have made about where I am at in all this. I am also endlessly amused at the some of the stuff people believe about weight loss, running and exercise in general. I believed some of that stuff too.

Uh oh, here he goes. Time to report him to the blog Nazis!

Here is what I am seeing:

- You feel fat after you eat and you feel thinner after you exercise.

- People are not allergic to water; they are often addicted to sugar.

- If you spice up your plain food, the dogs won't eat the leftovers.

- Runners don't care if their dog has diarrhea, they run with them anyway.

- The best way to lose the last 10 pounds is liposuction.

- Once they can see it, men look at their junk a lot more often then they realize.

- A new purse isn't going to change the scale.

- The scale going down is not an indicator of fitness.

- Sucking it in doesn't work on bingo wings and love handles.

- Endorphins are the nectar of the workout gods.

- Spilling a full energy drink you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting a balloon go.

- Turn off your flash and put away feminine products and sex toys when taking success and progress pictures.

How do I know these things? I wrote a book about it.

You can get a free copy by supporting my book project if you haven't done so already.

There are only 3 days left.

Kickstarter!

Thanks for being on the journey, for your friendship and your support. David

What the Heck is Wrong With Me?!

I used to be a desk jockey and weighed in just south of 300 pounds. I ate what I felt like, and never gave not eating, or exercising a thought. I got fat enough where I just didn't bother to look in the mirror. Gone were he days of wearing 31" waist jeans. I had ballooned up to 40" with elastic waistbands.

I was obese and I felt tired all the time. My joints ached, my back would go out and leave bedridden for a few days at a time. I relied on the doctors to medicate my symptoms, but nothing was getting solved because I was not part of the process. I kept doing my thing, and they kept trying too counteract it with drugs. I took anti-inflamatories for my knees, blood pressure meds and an occasional antibiotic if I was sick. And I got sick at least a few times a year.

It was really awful, but I just figured that it was part of getting old.

My health got worse and I ended up in the ICU. It was there my then 7-year-old put her head on my chest and said, "Daddy if you die, who is going to take me to Toys R Us and not tell mommy?"

GASP!

In the weeks following I slept a lot. I did my best to walk a mile a day. It was hard, I was tired all the time and the Bruins won the Stanley Cup. I was prisoner to my own fears of having a heart transplant. I couldn't believe I had wasted over 50 years. Living out the 5 or so years I supposedly had left was my punishment. (You may be familiar with Country star Randy Travis. He is now going through the same thing except I did not have a stroke to make things worse.)

I was depressed and kept to myself. I didn't tell anyone how really terrified I was of living as a sick man for whatever months or years were left.

For those that follow me, you know how it turns out.

Things are different now. Yesterday's run for instance. I was sweating so much that when I got home, taking off my running shirt was like a skunk sausage giving birth to the moon. There I was screaming in front of the bathroom mirror crowning! It wasn't pretty. 

That's my new life.

Now my life expectancy is probably more closely related to what I say to my wife, which side of the road I run on, and how I ride my motorcycle than it is to my heart condition - or lack thereof.

I have been writing this blog for 2 years. Together we've laughed about my pants falling down in airport security. You followed the journeys to my first 5K, 10K and 1/2 marathons. It's really been a bit surreal. Some of you I have met at races, others I feel like I know anyway. This once, I'd like to ask a favor. Would you consider supporting my book project if you haven't done so already? You can do it for as little as a $1.00.

Because it's a Kickstarter project, it's all or nothing. If I don't make my goal, there won't be any books. I need to sell about 80 more by next Tuesday.

Feel guilty yet? Good, now go pledge something! :)

Kickstarter!

Thanks for being on the journey, for your friendship and your support. David

Reasons Why I Run and You Should Too!

When people ask, why I run? I usually answer with why don't you run? I am sort of a smarta$$, but I did think about it. I don't really like, or even love running. For me it's mostly one pain followed by another, sweating like a pig, and taking time from other things I'd like to be doing like sitting on the couch eating bonbons.

Oh, that's right, I already did that and felt like crap.

Everyone has different reasons to run here are some of mine.

I run because...

...walking is too slow.

...I can run for those that can't, raising money for research.

...I like being around runners - well, not the snobby ones.

...I can compete against myself.

...the shoes are cute/cool.

...I sweat and then I pretend I mowed the lawn.

...someday I may need to run from the cops.

...I am on fire and never learned stop, drop and roll.

...to get thin.

...a marathon is on my bucket list.

...it's good for my heart.

...it's good for my head.

...it's good for my soul.

...it's good for the companies that sell running shoes.

...I can leave the troubles of the day behind.

...it saves on gas (but not on bananas).

...I can relax.

...I can listen to my thoughts.

...it keeps me healthy.

...it makes me feel alive (so does sex and coffee), but it's hard to beat endorphins.

...it's the place where no one can find me.

As always, thanks for the votes and comments. You guys, rock!

Friends and friend requests are the life blood of MFP, so send one (with a message) if you like.

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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

There's a Lot to Learn!

I thought I was an expert when it came to losing weight (just like I am in marriage). After all, I had done it 2 times before! I tried the starvation diet and went from 232 pounds down to 190. I tried the Dr. Phil diet (to be fair, with 90 minutes of exercise a week) and went from 240-something to 199.

I knew what was best, yogurt, low-fat anything, fruits, veggies, high quality cold cuts and frozen diet meals. And I knew what was bad: soda, rice, potatoes and pasta!

... and that bacon, eggs and cheese were my friends!

I signed up for a weight loss class at my local gym where I first started counting calories. They gave us a little lecture on staying away from pizza, wings and fast food. The trainer even taught us fractions as we divided up our plates into thirds. Of course we exercised 2 times a week for about an hour as well as being encouraged to do a third on our own.

Two out of three In it to Lose It sessions our team took first prize for the largest percentage of weight lost. (and the most farts during sit up circle!) Go us! I was on my way to losing a small child.

In the midst of all that, I got sick, really sick - like congestive heart failure sick.

After a week in ICU, a surgery, a "we don't really know, but some people need heart transplants" prognosis and a long recovery, I decided that maybe I didn't know as much as I thought I knew. (No surprise to the people that know and love me!)

I worked with the cardiologist, the doctor, an immunologist and a nutritionist to find a path back to health and fitness. And I prayed. Truthfully, I had only desired to swoon over myself in the mirror before that. Now I wanted to be healthy and fit too.

So what did I learn since they took me off the heart monitor?

- Not all calories are the same. They are just a guide for comparison; actual mileage may vary.

- Losing weight, even a lot of it, is not a guarantee that you are healthy or fit.

- There are many factors to being fit: basic strength, cardiovascular health, aerobic capacity, pain free joints, blood work within healthy limits, and best of all, you feel good.

- If you can't pronounce an ingredient on label, it's suspect.

- All natural foods can still have too much sugar, salt and unhealthy amounts of carbohydrates.

- Whole foods are not the same as low-calorie foods.

- Walking is not running.

- Hydration is very important! You can get water from other sources besides water; like fruits, veggies and water based drinks. There is even water in  margarita!

- Hydration, according to the spies at the CDC, is good for the following: Keeping body temperature normal, lubricating and cushioning your joints, protecting your spinal cord and other sensitive tissues (I guess like your privates) and gets rid of waste through urination, perspiration, and bowel movements. Eww!

- If you are counting calories, vegetables are better choices than fruit - if you have to make a choice.

- Processed foods are, IMHO, not good for you. There are plenty of studies to prove it. They are linked to every scary disease you can think of.

- Everyone plateaus at some point during weight loss.

- We all have 6-pack abs, some are just shrink wrapped.

- There are super foods which help you get the most nutritional value for the amount of calories you eat.

- There are so called healthy foods which are not particularly healthy.

- The right kind of fats don't make you fat (within your caloric limits), or cause high cholesterol. Stick to Omega 3s and avoid saturated fats.

- There are simple and complex carbs, choose complex ones unless it's fruit with other nutrients and fiber! Foods that contain simple carbohydrates include white flour, honey, milk, yogurt, candy, chocolate (which is a food group!), fruit juice, cake, jam, biscuits, molasses, soda and packaged cereals.

- Whole grains are the best kind. Did you know that whole wheat bread may not be any healthier than white bread if it is not whole grain?

- Learn to love whole grains! Brown rice, buckwheat, bulgur (cracked) wheat, millet, wild rice, popcorn, quinoa, triticale, whole-grain barley, whole-grain corn, whole oats/oatmeal, whole rye, and whole wheat.

- B-I-N-G-O, sugar has a name-o. Brown sugar, Corn sweetener, Corn syrup, Dextrose, Fructose, Fruit juice concentrates, Glucose, High-fructose corn syrup, Honey, Invert sugar, Lactose, Maltose, Malt Syrup, Molasses, Raw sugar, Sucrose, Sugar, and Syrup.

- The older you get, the more important fiber becomes. No, $h1t, really.

- If you are going to run, get your shoes fitted at a running store!

- Supplements (and some medications) should be used rarely. If you are eating a healthy and balanced diet, your blood work should be near perfect. If it's not, do as the doctor prescribes. Keep in mind a healthy diet and weight can reduce or eliminate the need for medication and dietary suppliments.

- There are no experts on MFP except dsjohndrow. ;)

As always, thanks for the votes and comments. You guys, rock!

Friends and friend requests are the life blood of MFP, so send one if you like.

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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

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