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John Almighty!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog, and some of the MFP community took it way too seriously. In my defense I posted a status for my friends to see. (More on that in a minute) I have the best MFP friends! I lost a few friends that day, and probably have over the months. However; the ones I have left are great, and a few of you are funny too!

The problem occurred when one blog commenter actually blamed "people like me" for discouraging others in their weight loss. My first reaction? RUFKMAHB?!?!? Then I thought of a more Christian approach - maybe a message to apologize for offending them. It started out "Dear Fat Person: Did the dog pee in your morning yogurt?" - I scrapped it. I really did try to empathize with the person, but I suck at empathy.

I thought about it. Why did this person give me so much power in their lives?
I pondered it some more, watched a few Dr. Phil reruns and decided I was probably getting so good at this thing, that I could be a god of sorts. I started to think about all the good I could do: smiting Congress, sending ninja cats to cat haters, taking all your extra calories and giving them to kids in Ethiopia, changing all the traffic lights to green on the way to work, creating high paying jobs for doing nothing, banning tofu, poopless ponies, avocados with smaller pits, and magic weight loss pills that were really magic. Oh yeah, and messing with you by making your alarm clock so it wouldn't shut off until you were at the gym, taking the dispenser hole off the sugar jar at the diner or parting your miso soup to let the animal crackers pass through.

Then I thought about what my resume would look like. That is why I posted this status last week. Even better, you guys responded with some funny stuff!

dsjohndrow: Had a funny comment on one of my blogs - apparently I am "the reason" that so many people are overweight. I might have to add God to my resume - I just can't remember the year I started. ;)

abrantner: Wow... I bow down to your awesomeness.. lol..

abrantner: But wait.. if you made me fat.. Can you pretty please... poof and make me thin again?? :)

Emily_J_J: Wow. Why would you do that to me? I thought we were friends.

Sallycinnimon: ohhhh John. I didn't know you could make me fat?! LOL please reverse your decision!

HauteP1nk: Oh, so you're the one to blame for not giving me boobs then? I prayed to you when I was 13...I specifically said I wanted boobs but none of that other female monthly crap.... you got the order wrong!

dsjohndrow: I guess under "responsibilities" I will put The Universe! Making the sun rise, and giving adolescents privates.

cosmocat12: "shake, shake, shake" (sadly shaking head from side to side) Wait! does that count as a cardio workout? Must log it!

Raine7: LOL! Now that's a good one!

landay: Ha! If God really did have a resume, it would just have to be 2 words.... "I AM".

cygnetpro: And I'm still waiting for my pony.

HauteP1nk: Where's the like button?

NinjaMonkey201: Shame on you! :-P

bllowry: And here I just thought you were responsible for my wet keyboard! (Note to self: don't drink water when reading the blogs!)

kristiranee: Hilarious! And I'm now going to start cursing you for my fat (although I'm not sure how to explain it to my husband when I yell "DAMMIT JOHN!" when my clothes don't fit)

dsjohndrow: OMJ!

TammyBee: You guys are crazy! lol

SouthernNHgirl: Finally, I have someone to blame besides myself!! :)

dan323: That's why I gained so much weight because of YOU ! LOL


cessnaholly: You must be the "reason for the weight loss season"

HauteP1nk: No, he isn't Santa. Although I have seen Santa on MFP trying to get some weight loss advice. I keep telling him that if he doesn't stop eating all those cookies that he'll never lose the weight but he doesn't seem to want to listen... He is utterly addicted. Not to mention all the children in the world are enablers...

jlira01: You and Paula Dean!

aliciagetshealthy: What did you do this time David??

dsjohndrow: Just trying to be helpful, Alicia.

daddiocoolcat: Damn you, David Johndrow!!! Lmao, and SMH, I fell and hit my head!!! It's your fault!!!!!! Lol

odditblue: What the... some people are crazy.

odditblue: PS: you got the winning lotto numbers yo? I could use 'em...

grag79: Well at least I can now stop blaming everyone and everything else for it. Can I just blame you!! Why did you make me eat that pasta tonight and drink that wine lol xgx

cosmocat12: These comments are HILARIOUS!! I'm still waiting for my Unicorn BTW.....

flabulous4: Now, have you been sneaking into people's bedrooms while they're asleep and feeding them pastrami? Again? This is your final warning!

rinnismom: sheesh, and all this time I've been blaming me! Why didn't you say something? Well, now that I know....

Amf5627622: So am I now suppose to say "John Dammit" when I mess up? Or can I still call you God? It could lead to some awkward moments with my brother John, if the Pats struggle in the big game!

76wendyful: Wow!

bratgrr1: So it's your fault! I prayed for a fat wallet and skinny ass. You got it backwards.

llahairdna: "OMJ" is about the funniest thing I have read ever in my life. HYSTERICAL!! hahaha!!! (p.s. you suck for making me fat. jerk.)

RandomDude50: Hey man, can I just say something? Putting that apple tree right there in front of their faces and telling them not to eat any was just unfair. Can we have another shot at that one?
llahairdna: Random, please show some respect--"Man" should be capitalized. Thank you.

dsjohndrow: ^^^LOL

demery12371: You are good for the soul!!! :) LOL

swykes: ROFLOL..well, Almighty then! 

Thank you guys for some serious laughs.

Anyone care to add any?

Thanks for the votes and comments. If I could vote for the comments above, I would!

What Does it Take?

One of my friends wants to know why we sabotage ourselves. There is probably a different reason for each one of us. And therefore, trying to answer LindaLou150's question is more like nailing Jell-O to a tree - Diet Jell-O of course!

What I do know, is that certain behavior often precedes our failures.

I confess that I went to AA for many years (like 20), and I learned some stuff there. (I haven't had a drink in well over 30 years.) Those that are in 12 step programs know that we don't get mugged by White Russians or birthday cakes. If it passes your lips, it was probably in the hand that you also control.

Addictions like overeating, are insidious. We attack them with will-power, prayer, medical advice, and support groups. Sadly, according to a New York Times article, many of us fail. It can take 7 years to turn this around; that's a long time.

I have read hundreds of profiles on MFP, and a bunch of us have done this more than once - some many times. I don't know about you, but this time I want to take if off and keep it off.

Winning at losing is a blend of education, vigilance, honesty and a sense of humor helps. The road to failure usually involves lack in one of those areas.

- Education: We need to learn about food. I am a smart guy with 9 years of college (2 drinking oceans of booze!) - even worked at a medical school, and I didn't know anything about food other than the Food Pyramid. And truthfully, I was better at Fonix.

When we don't know what is good for us (in general) and what works for our bodies, it is hard to make good choices. I have a friend that thinks a sandwich with cold-cuts is a better choice than pizza!? I think that is like switching seats on the Titanic.

- Honesty: This is a tough one. It is hard to log your failures. It is hard to be honest about sneaking something that seems small. Oh yeah, it is hard to go over your calories and for me, it sucked being in ICU for a week because I couldn't make weight loss and health important.

Your honesty about every choice you make when it comes to working out, eating right, and admitting where you really are with food, is what changes your lifestyle. Each choice has the potential to trigger more bad eating behavior or ingrain a good habit.

- Vigilance: I see some complaining about logging on holidays, birthdays, vacations, special occasions, and the like. If you really want to succeed, this is going to be a full time job.

Vigilance is doing what it takes in spite of the fear of failure or success, and perceived inconvenience of taking care of yourself.

- Sense of Humor: For some of us this is serious business. That doesn't mean that we need to live a deprived life. Go ahead, laugh at a few fat jokes, look for your picture on, but don't take life too seriously - it's not like you are playing in the Super Bowl.

Here is a little self-test to see if you are positioned for success.
1. Do you know how many calories are in your average 30 minute workout?
2. Do you weigh your food portions?
3. Did you stop blaming others because you can't lose weight?
4. Do you log everyday?
5. Can you laugh at yourself when you blow it?
6. Can you see yourself in 7 years?
7. Do you have more than 50 friends on MFP?

If you answered Yes to most of these, you are probably on the right track.

The Perfect Scale for Weighing In!

Part of the game here on MFP is to weigh in. There are discussions as to how often, what brand of scale to buy, and even the most favorable conditions to weigh in under (I wrote that!) Today I was thinking about the best scale for weighing in. Why? My friend CessnaHolly has again come up with a gem of a topic and caused this disturbed mind to spring in to action.

So what is the best scale to use? Here are my thoughts.

The Muscle Scale - Goes higher when you flex in the mirror while standing on it.

The Fickle Scale - Continues to flash different weights as you watch it. The trick is stepping off at the lowest one.

The Shower Scale - It shows a lower weight before the dirt and navel lint are gone. It's confusing.

The DUH Scale - Reminds you that it is your TOM, you ate too much during the holidays, or you haven't used the rest room.

The Moveable Scale - It gives different readings depending on where it is on the bathroom floor. Unfortunately the "sweet spot" is underneath the toilet and requires standing on one foot.

The Dirty Harry Scale - Makes your day, or you get to shoot it with a .44 magnum.

The Family Scale - Weighs the kids perfectly every time. You - not so much. CessnaHolly

The Talking Scale - Designed for the visually impaired and people who have met their goal weight. Everyone else kicks it.

The Political Scale - Tells you what you want to hear, but has nothing to do with the facts.

The Mission Impossible Scale - Actually there is no such thing. But if there was, it would self-destruct whenever it gives you an undesirable weigh in.

The James Bond Scale - Gives you tantalizing weight reports and then turns deadly in scene 2 followed by a car chase.

The Cracker Jacks Scale - Rewards your weight loss with a prize.

The Horoscope Scale - Like the fortune cookie scale with better English.

The Doctor's Scale - Creates a new excuse while you wait.

The TMI Scale - Tells you why you weigh whatever is you weigh. "Geeze David, you ate at a Taco Bell again. Not only does it smell bad in here, you gained 2 pounds since your last weigh in."

The CSI Scale - Plays back your weight and whatever you said while reading your weight from the scale with Gil Grissom's voice.

The TBC Scale - The highest weight on the scale is "To Be Continued."

The New England Patriots Scale - Records an occasional loss to the Giants, but encourages you to do better next time.

The Summa Wrestler Scale - Starts at 300 lbs. and throws you to the bathroom floor if you lose weight.

The Musical Scale - Do - re - mi - fa - so - la - te - do - 199.

The Gym Scale - Always shows you weigh more than the home scale - oh right, because you are not naked.

The M-F Scale - Actually all of the above depending on the day.

Did I miss any?

Thanks for the votes and comments!

Friend me at your own risk.

The Footprints of a Wise...

Wiseman Wisea$$. I get lots of comments about my writing, my warped sense of humor and occasionally about my weight loss. First thanks for the encouragement, it is part of my weight loss success pie (<<-- is everything about food? Damn.)

I have worked with trainers, nutritionists and doctors for nearly a year, while losing about 60 pounds. For the most part they regurgitate the same stuff you can find on the Internet. The only common link between them was this: Diet and exercise are the only real answer for losing and keeping weight off. And a $25 co-pay for the visit.

If you are looking for the magic pill, or fad diet, just send me your $29 $99. I can probably save you a lot of time. Or you can buy my upcoming book: Ha Ha, I Took Your Money, and You Are Still Fat. The foreword is by Bernie Madoff.

Here is what I found works for me. Let me be clear, there is not one solution for weight loss, but unlocking yours can really make you feel good about your success.

- Low Calorie: I lost 50 pounds in short order by cutting back to 1400 calories a day (MFP settings: Lose 2 Pounds a Week, Don't do s41t all day). I am 6'1 and was 270+. It was tough, and yes I was hungry a lot. Then I hit a plateau that was rock solid. I ate more as suggested and I gained, I exercised more, I gained... frustrating! It was here that I got with the professionals. Too  much sodium, too much junk, not enough calories, no strength training... It was a wake up call. (You can go back in my diary.)

- Fruit and Veggies: I eat pretty much fresh and occasionally frozen, using canned beans (well rinsed), and tomatoes as needed. I did find that these are high in carbohydrates (a weight gain for me), so I have limited them to a select few Super Foods. Salads are occasionally on the menu, but they didn't help me lose weight (too many carbs!).

- Fiber: I need this to keep things moving, so I get it from natural sources. This includes beans and whole grains, as well as fruits and vegetables.

- The Whites: I am not talking about laundry, I avoid white rice, white flour products, and white potatoes. These were killers for me.

- I Don't Do Diets: Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Paleo or HCG, they are not on my list. I am not saying they are bad, but they appeal to a small segments of weight losers, and quite a few are not sustainable as a lifestyle change - and forget the money aspect. The attrition rate for many of these plans is about 40% in the first 90 days. Weight Watchers were the longer lasting folks. I am assuming that is due to the support aspect. There is no need to defend your diet; if it is working for you, write your own success blog, I'll read it.

- Drinks:  I don't do alcohol because I drank my lifetime quota up before I was 23. I drink 2 cups of coffee a day (one caf and one decaf - doctors orders), I don't drink soda, I do my best with water (love San Pellegrino!), and enjoy a few ounces of fruit juice for the vitamin C.

- Splurge and Cheat Days: I rarely go over my calories ever. I do eat dark chocolate, and have small desserts. I try to avoid fast food, pizza and the like. However; I love Five Guys burgers and it's worth the 600 calories!

- Supplements: I would not take any, but my blood tests showed I was deficient in vitamin D. It is mostly from working indoors, and not having time outside during the winter. I also take Glucosamine and Chondroitin along with fish oil for my joints. GNC brands have given me the best results. Please note, these only work for 1/3 of those that take them, so doctors will rarely recommend them. The fish oil is also good for my heart, but so is 6 days a week at the gym. Vitamin C tablets were a joke, so it's orange juice or citrus fruit for me.

- Read the Label: There is lots of good information on the label besides calories, carbs, fat, sugar, sodium and protein. Certain junk ingredients are not particularly healthy, look out for them.

- I Have Medical Proof: Because of my history of heart disease, high blood pressure and joint problems, I have crafted an eating plan that works for me. I have regular blood tests, I weigh in twice a day, and take my blood pressure daily. I am on Lisinopril for my blood pressure, and at 276 it used to be 3 times as much as I am on now along with a dose of HCTZ.

- MFP: I log every day, including holidays, and vacations. I log the good that bad, and you know what, there has been very little ugly. I do NOT eat my exercise calories save a few.

My current success is in my diary (sorry, friends only). It works for me. It is pretty much all natural (which can be misleading), low in processed meat and other foods, low in sodium, a 1:1 balance with carbs and protein, and because I don't eat junk, I don't worry about fats; in particular, saturated fats. I stay away from restaurants except for special occasions, and I go with the staples, steamed veggies, lean meat, fish and chicken.

I exercise 6 times a week. I have 3 days of serious circuits/weights/cardio, 2 days to run, and one to ride bikes, skate or just have some fun with my family.

Instead of critiquing my lifestyle, how about telling us what works for you. There are lots of folks looking to unlock the magic formula!

Thanks for the comments and votes.

 Friend me at your own risk.

This is Why the Gym Causes Nighmares!

I am taking a class at the local YMCA with a trainer. The first time I worked with one I almost died (read that nearly puked on the workout room floor - more on that HERE). Now, I am actually doing much better, sweat less, and do more reps thanks to losing 60 pounds.

There are some funny characters in the gym. You've met them, the newbies in their blue jeans and loafers, the front row students in the classes worshipping a trainer, and the posers in front of the mirror in the free-weight room. What I am finding more amusing, is the outfits. I had no idea you could mix and match maroon wool Scottish plaids and pink velour. Does anyone buy plain black clothes anymore?

Apparently there are some specific body parts which dictate fashion styles here in New England. IE: Muffin Tops and Trailer Brakes. HERE is a list of body parts for my newer readers. Most of them can be covered, or minimized with the proper attire.

For those of us that still have BMIs in the 20s or 30s it's a good idea to stay away from the spandex, especially the shiny kind. Besides, that stuff can be catch on fire pretty easily.

Here are far-outfits that seem a little strange to me.

Shorts-Over: Ok, so sweat pants are not enough, you need to wear gym shorts over them? You should think this over, my daughter is little scared of you.

Multi-Bra: I am not getting this, are you in a competition for the most straps? At least wear a t-shirt!

Tank Tops: These are reserved for a select few, and honestly, you are not one of them. The Bingo Wings are killing me, your Man Boobs are not attractive, and please don't bend over to do push ups!
Street Clothes: For God's sake, it's not casual Friday! I get that you think sweating is just too much work, but try to fake me out. This is a gym, not a hardware store.

Leo-Tights: Whoever thought of wearing a leotard over tights was probably very trim and lived close to a bathroom. I think is was Jane Fonda, but you are not her.

Sandals: Leave them in the car with your bong. Please, get some sneakers. I don't care if the are the Dora the Explorer with blinking lights, just get some!

Baseball Hats: I know it supports your pony tail, but save it for your kid's soccer field. Men, is this your thinking cap? I don't think it's working. Besides the Broncos lost, and so did the Ravens. can I interest you in a #12 hat?

Split-Side Running Trunks: Men, please you are not Burt Reynolds and your tighty whities are not all that white. Ladies, unless you have fabulous hips, I would rather not see your cellulite. Deal?

Braless: Assuming you are NOT 9-years-old, or are applying for a job as a thermometer, keep it to yourself.

Shirtless: You are not at the beach, and besides you have enough hair on your back to gag 2 sinks and an old fashioned bath tub. No thanks.

Sports Bra Only: Why are you doing this? You don't have 6-pack abs, and it is not mating season. I am a little confused.

1960's Headphones: Spring for 15 bucks and get a sports pair at Radio Shack. I promise Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band will sound even more drug drenched. Oh right, and from the back you look like a you have a 10 pound dumbbell on you shoulders.

Police Academy Sweats: LOL, you expect us to believe your are/were a cop? I would like to see your badge. (I am not talking about you, Sean!)

Water Bottle Fanny Pack: I am not sure why you need that, there are drink holders on all the machines, it's not a marathon, and there is a bubbler on the wall. And every time I walk by, I want  snap it!

Well, this post has pretty much made me gag thinking about the gym outfits that terrorize me in my sleep. How about you, what should people not wear to the gym?

Thanks in advance for the votes and comments.

Friend me at your own risk!

David's 13 Fad Diets for 2012!

It's the New Year, and for those that have not fallen off the wagon, and who are hanging in there this third week of January, you might be thinking there is an easier way! Every diet guru has a personal secret to losing weight with the least amount of effort, change in life style or exercise! Here is a list of diets that will probably never catch on:

The North Beach Diet or Maine Diet: Consisting of primarily of snow and seaweed, but high in sodium. In phase 2 you can eat lobster.

Craig's Diet: The Jenny Craig diet on Craigslist for half price; sort of like Ikea furniture.

The Red Pepper Diet: Simply add one heaping tablespoon of cayenne red pepper to an 8oz glass of 2% milk. High in protein. Add your favorite berries for a your daily requirement of antioxidants.

Slakins: This is pretty much sitting on the couch wishing you were thin.

Vegetarian Diet: This diet is filled with fruits, veggies and wannabe hamburgers! A balanced diet in which you avoid eating animal crackers.

Raw Food Diet: This is the one for people that hate to cook! Warning, consuming raw chicken and pork is not recommended, but do let us know how it goes.

Slim Quick: Lots of reports on this one being out there, but no one claiming any results. ;)

The System: Lose weight while eating lots of sodium from cardboard boxes as you wear a cut-off flannel shirt . If you call now. we'll double the sodium and throw in an extra flannel shirt for free + shipping and handling.

The Junk Food Diet: For real, some guy lost 27 pounds only eating Twinkies, Ho Ho's and Doritos.

The Ornery Diet: No meat fish or alcohol and lots of fiber! No wonder the guy is ornery, he probably spends a lot of time reading in the "library" stone cold sober.

The Bone Diet: My dog lost about 2 pounds in one day on this one. He sure did seem happy to eat the dry food after that experiment.

The Eagle Diet: You can eat anything that you can catch and hold with your feet. Consists primarily of fresh uncooked fish.

The Zig-Zag Diet: Requires 4 or more alcoholic beverages before walking home from the Sports Bar.

I didn't mention the Pale Diet because it is simply avoiding the sun, hanging out on the Internet in your mother's basement.

Need more? Here is another list supplied by my friend CessnaHolly: Seared Ostrich

All kidding aside, isn't it time we just stuck to the basics of counting calories, eating a balanced diet of healthy foods, and getting proper exercise?

Thanks for your votes and comments, you guys are amazing!

Friend me at your own risk!

Not Losing Weight? This Might Be the Reason

If you are like me (and my wife hopes there is only one!), then this weight loss thing is giving you a run for your money. You have tried everything that requires the least amount of effort. You are out of excuses. And now you are ready to do what it takes: planning meals and scheduling workouts.

Most of us will hit a plateau, and they can last a few weeks to a few months. And sometimes, we end up gaining and wonder why!?

Here is my list of things that seem to get in the way of the goal: to be fit (in good physical condition), healthy (getting what we need to avoid medication, and dangerous medical conditions) and a weight that is healthy for our build (not what we want to see in the mirror which can be distorted).

- Ordering desserts at a restaurant.
- Bathing in olive oil - swimming is better and burns more calories.
- Telling yourself you are big boned, so it's OK to be overweight.
- Having a chocolate fountain in the bedroom - I know, it sounded like a great idea guys.
- Cheat days where you go over your calories.
- Making excuses for not eating fruits and vegetables.
- Recliners
- Drive-Thru windows
- Super-sized meals
- Stupid office people that are not eating healthy and bring stuff in. Merry f*&^$% Christmas to you jerks!
- Olive Garden's all you can eat bread, salad and soup special.
- Watching Man vs. Food.
- Soda
- Drinking Slim-Fast with a meal.
- Grocery shopping in the cookie aisle.
- Skipping a workout "because".
- Taking elevators, parking close to the door, and eating in the living room.
- Self doubt
- Seconds
- Thirds
- The extra Snack-Packs
- Healthy Fast-Food.
- Not measuring food portions.
- Not reading the labels.
- Not enough sex (I just made that up, but calorically speaking it is true.)
- Not logging every day, and every thing.
- And sometimes not eating enough.
What gets in the way of your weight loss? 

Thanks for the votes and comments. You guys encourage me to keep on the path despite the set backs!

A Woman's Guide to Football - Another Must Read

My blog A Woman's Guide to Hockey was such a great success, that my regular readers asked me to write one for football. Football isn't all that interesting to me, but it sure is to a lot of folks. Did you know that more TVs are sold for viewing the Super Bowl than any other time of year - including my birthday!

Last time the woman hockey fans were offended and wanted credit for not only knowing the rules and terms of the game, but where I get off dissing others. If that sounds like you and you are easily offended, this blog is not for you.

I also want to thank my friend Bill_I_Am for sending me the following list which I have added a handful of sarcasm, a touch of absurdity, and left a grain of truth to.

Audible: Yelling Numbers. IE: 35 + 52 = 101 They never add up, however; most of the players never passed algebra, so to them, it doesn't matter. It is meant to have the defense scratching their head.

Blitz: 1. Sometimes known as "smash the guy trying to throw the ball." The object of a blitz is to tackle the quarterback. 2. A term used in tailgating for "too drunk to know who's playing." Bill was too drunk and thought the Broncos won.

Center: The huge guy right in the middle who hides the ball between his legs. He and the quarterback (the guy with his hands on the center's butt) have an unique relationship. It is a form of tailgating.

Defense: 1. Turning an opposing player into dust. 2. What you yell when the other team is holding their ball.

End Zone: This is the place at the end of the field (duh), and is also going to be a TV mini-series staring Michael Anthony Hall and narrated by Rod Serling.

Fumble: When the stupid player loses possession the ball because he is still trying to obtain the answer to the Audile math problem at the beginning of the play.

Goal Post: Sometimes used for communicating with extra terrestrials, theses are the poles in the each end zone. Occasionally players kick the ball through the uprights to make soccer fans feel good about the NFL using the term football.

Hail Mary: 1. The long version the oft said prayer "Oh crap!" Which is recited a split second before 8 guys weighing 300+ pounds (who should be on MFP) smash his a$$ into the turf. 2. An offensive play where the quarterback throws the ball up in the air, hoping someone on his team catches it while hoping to avoid an "Oh crap!" smashing into the turf.

Interception: Sometimes confused with contraception and conception. All of which means, "unexpected stuff is happening." Like a pass that is caught by a defensive player, making the fans nuts.

Kickoff: A free kick that puts the ball into play at the start of the 1st and 3rd periods because the 2nd and 4th periods are too hard for the kicker. Not to be confused with a kick in the balls which is why woman generally don't play football unless it is with their ex.

Line of Scrimmage: An imaginary line only seen by television crews, which stretches the width of the field and separates the two teams prior to the snap of the ball.

Man in Motion: 1. A new movie starring Mel Gibson and Jackie Chan. 2. An offensive player who runs behind the line of scrimmage and parallel to it, as the quarterback calls the signals. His is the one with the best math skills and can multi-task.

Neutral Zone: 1.The area between the two lines of scrimmage, stretching from sideline to sideline. 2. A flopped TV mini-series starring Boy George and President Obama.

Onside Kick: It looks like a mistake, but it is an attempt by the offensive team to recover the ball by kicking it a short distance down the field. Whereas an off-side kick is an attempt to give the ball away.

Extra-Point: After a touchdown, the scoring team is allowed to add another point by kicking the football through the uprights of the goalpost. This is meant to even out the bad math from the Audible at the beginning of the play.

Quarterback: The cutest guy on the field. He is an offensive player and makes the opposing team's fans really mad because if his special relationship to the center (see above).

Red Zone: It is NOT a sports drink. It's the last 20 yards before the end zone on the football field. This is the place where the land mines have been set up.

Shotgun: 1. A passing formation in which the quarterback stands 5 to 7 yards behind the center before the snap. 2. A tool for getting your daughter to marry the quarterback.

Super Bowl: The National Football League's championship. It is filled will calories and can only be eaten by one team each year.

Tight End: Most woman would agree there are quite a few of them out there, but it specifically refers to the offensive player who serves as a receiver and also a blocker.

Tebowing: Praying to the football gods before a game.

T-Boning: What the Patriots did to the Broncos in the playoffs.

Touchdown: 1. A scoring play in which any part of the ball, while legally in the possession of a player who is in-bounds, crosses the plane of the opponent's goal line. 2. What Tim Tebow prayed for.

Unnecessary Roughness: An illegal play where a player, uses tactics that are worse than smashing a cute tight end into the turf.

Vince Lombardi Trophy: The trophy awarded to each year's winner of the Super Bowl which belongs in Foxboro, MA.

Weak Side: 1. A young quarterback with zits on only one side of his face. 2. The side of the offense opposite the side on which the cute tight end is.

Thanks for your votes and comments. You guys are awesome!

If you are offended by this post, please don't send me a friend request. Otherwise, go for it.

Who are you hoping wins the Super Bowl?

Tell Me Something About You!


You are a terrific gang of readers. I am off for the weekend, and I thought it would be fun to come home to a bunch of new information about my MFP friends. I have a few questions that I would love for you to answer in the comments! I'll go first.

 -1 How long have you been losing this time around? Since February 2011.

-2  What is your favorite part of losing weight? I am liking the feeling of healthiness the best. But the smaller clothes are a real reward.

-3 What was your start weight, and what is your goal weight? 276 to 195. 

-4 What is the most important thing you do to make sure you stay on track? LOG IT!

-5 Other than obsessing about losing weight, health and fitness, what are a couple of other things you spend time doing? Play guitar, spend time with my family, and travel!

-6 If you could live anywhere, where would that be? I like California!

-7 Where do you live now, and where are you from? I am from New Haven, CT, and live in Boston, MA via Portland, ME, Towhshend, VT, Rindge, NH, and Cape Cod. MA.

-8 What is a random fact about you, that you want to share? I was a missionary in Brazil and Norway - and yes, I have actually preached in church and it didn't fall down. :)

Have fun and health-filled weekend.



If You Have to Eat, Use Super Foods

I am not talking about the kind of foods that will propel you to a National Farting Championship. Nor am I talking about foods that will allow you to stay on the couch and melt fat like a lipo suction procedure. Nope! I have spent nearly a year trying to find calorie sparse and nutrient rich foods! Getting the healthy nutrients I need to build a strong immune system (haven't been sick since April!), avoid cancer (killed both my parents), lower blood pressure (almost off my meds), care for my heart, and keep the insulin in tolerable ranges (I was hypoglycemic, but not anymore!) was the goal.

Think of these foods like the Swiss Army Knife of the food world. These are foods that can meet one or more of your MFP requirements.

There is no perfect diet, except for the Whole Food Caffeine Fueled Carnivore Diet that I invented. :)

Here is my list of foods you should come to love, and make a regular part of your meal times. It's a little long, but it's complete. I am NOT an expert, but I do play one on My Fitness Pal. (Actually I am working on a Video Blog so I can say I play one on TV too! Any investors out there?) The information below may or may not be true, but in my research as well as working with my doctor, my trainer, and my nutritionist should be pretty reliable. This information is gleaned from sources too numerous to list. Google "super food" and  each of the individual food items and you'll get even more!

Almonds - Eating almonds has the same effect as the cholesterol-lowering drugs called statins. It is a source of vitamin E, magnesium, protein, fiber, potassium, calcium, phosphorus and iron. Also, almonds (and other nuts) contain phytochemicals, which are plant chemicals that MAY provide powerful protection against heart disease, stroke, and other chronic diseases.

Apples - Apples are source of both soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber such as pectin actually helps to reduce the possibility of heart disease. The insoluble fiber provides bulk in the intestinal tract, holding water to cleanse and move food quickly through the digestive system. Thus slowing the absorption of calories! Vitamin C content is just underneath the skin, so eat that too!

Avocados - Avocados provide essential nutrients, including fiber, potassium, Vitamin E, B and folic acid (iron). They also act as a "nutrient booster" by enabling the body to absorb more fat-soluble nutrients, such as alpha and beta-carotene and lutein, in foods that are eaten with the fruit.

They are fatty, but it's the good fat. So, enjoy a couple each week, or make some guacamole!

Beans - Fiber and protein are the essential nutrients in beans. I like Garbanzo Beans (Chic Peas), adding them to salad. This one will get you a high rating for breaking wind, as you propel your way to health! Red beans such as Kidney Beans all provide antioxidants. Be sure to drain and rinse canned beans to get rid of as much sodium as possible.

Blueberries - Rich in Vitamins K and C which helps in absorption of iron, also improves the immune system. They also provide plenty of fiber enhancing the digestion process. A rich source of manganese, they aid in bone development as well as in metabolism of fats, proteins and carbohydrates. And they make your tongue blue!

Broccoli - Low in carbs, this super food contains more vitamin C than an orange! And broccoli contains as much calcium as a glass of milk! Add to that iron, vitamin K, fiber, and potassium, it is a great for body building, and reducing the effects of muscle cramps. It rivals bananas (which is not on the list, but maybe should be!)

Cinnamon - Possibly on the voodoo list of herbal remedies, studies do show that it reduced the proliferation of leukemia and lymphoma cancer cells. When consumed with honey it aided in reducing arthritic pain. One study found that smelling cinnamon boosts cognitive function and memory and another found that cinnamon fights the E. coli bacteria in unpasteurized juices as well as lowering blood sugar and cholesterol.

Me, I just like it with apples.

Dark Chocolate - It helps lower high blood pressure and contains antioxidants which are good for your immune system. In fact, I find chocolate good for reducing an occasional case of the blues.

Dried Fruit - They pretty much are the same as fruit, but a concentrated version with most of the benefits. The nice thing is they are good for snacks, but watch the calories!

Extra Virgin Olive Oil - The good fat. Excellent for your joints, full of antioxidants, it's heart healthy and may prevent oxidation, which causes cell damage, reducing the risk of cell aging and osteoporosis.

I am no virgin, but it sounds good to me.

Garlic - The NYT said it best: The power to boost hydrogen sulfide production may help explain why a garlic-rich diet appears to protect against various cancers, including breast, prostate and colon cancer, say the study authors. Higher hydrogen sulfide might also protect the heart, according to other experts. The concentration of garlic extract used in the latest study was equivalent to an adult eating about two medium-sized cloves per day.

I ate a huge clove with my seafood dinner the other night on a date with my wife. It's a good thing, because when I looked into her eyes, my heart would have stopped without it. But she didn't want to kiss me after that.

Honey - Antioxidants, energy boosting, and lower glycemic index than sugar, it is proposed to have some magical anti-aging properties. Here is my take, if it's good enough for Winnie the Pooh, then it's good enough for me!

Greek Low- or No-Fat Yogurt - Both Greek and regular yogurt are part of a healthy diet. They are low in calories, packed with calcium and live bacterial cultures. However the Greek variety is strained to remove most of the liquid whey, lactose, and sugar. In roughly the same amount of calories it doubles the protein and cuts the sugar content in half!

Oats - One of the best whole grains, and full of fiber. Studies concluded that eating oats (any whole grains) was linked to a lower risk of death from diseases that are triggered by inflammation, including heart disease and diabetes. Post-menopausal woman may like them too!

Onions - Bad for your breath, but the sulfur (a compound) and quercetin (a flavonoid) are good for you. They are also in the group of fruits and vegetables referred to as negative calorie foods, which; require more calories to digest than you will get from eating them. Add to that celery, carrots, cucumbers, lettuce and peppers, along with 2 dozen others, and you may lose while still eating substantial amounts.

Oranges - Get part of your daily dose of soluble fiber and vitamin C. Vitamin C from oranges and other citrus fruits is much more like to be used by the body than C supplements.

Soy - It's what tofu is made out of and full of protein. It just happens to be my least favorite on this entire list. Soy itself is not the super food, it is the fermented soy products such as miso, Tempe or soy tofu sauce.

Sweet Potatoes - A starchy vegetable packed full of vitamin A and fiber and lower in carbs than white potatoes.

Spinach - Popeye was right. Spinach is a good source of Niacin and Zinc, and a very good source of fiber, protein, vitamins A, C, E (Alpha Tocopherol), K, thiamin, riboflavin, B6, folate, calcium, iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, copper and manganese.

This powerhouse food is low in calories and good carbohydrates, you can't eat too much of it!

Tea (green or black) - Drinking green tea reduces the risk of esophageal cancer by nearly sixty percent! It also helps reduce cholesterol. Green tea's antioxidants, called catechins, scavenge for free radicals that can damage DNA and contribute to cancer, blood clots, and atherosclerosis.

Tomatoes - No matter how you like your tomatoes, pureed, raw, or in a sauce, you're eating vital nutrients like vitamin C, iron, vitamin E. Early research suggests Lycopene was helpful in reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes, osteoporosis, and even male infertility.

Turkey - White turkey is lower in calories than any other meat, including chicken. It contains calcium, protein, and it's low fat and naturally low in sodium!

Walnuts - 1 ounce of nuts can go a long way in providing key healthy fats managing hunger. Other benefits are a dose of magnesium and fiber. If you suffer from IBS, I suggest cashews twice a day!

Wild Salmon - I have an ounce of salmon 3 or 4 days a week as part of my breakfast sandwich. Experts say the 8 or 9 ounces is very good for us. Studies have shown that we lose more weight when consuming an equal amount of salmon calories vs. beef, chicken, pork or turkey.

I would like to add that I don't take supplements except for those that promote healthy joints: glucosamine, chondroitin, vitamin D and fish oil. These only work for about 30% of those that take them, and I don't recommend them for everyone. My blood work looks terrific when I eat the above foods, that's what matters.

Opinions on nutrition differ, but tell us your favorite super food - well as long as it is not pizza!

Thanks for your votes and comments.

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