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You Can't Always Win

Have you ever felt so defeated that you didn't even want to play? That's how football was for me. I was pretty fast, but I couldn't catch the dang ball. I felt the same way in Dr. Swietzer's psychiatry class.

I tried my best and just couldn't do it.

There were other things in life which came a bit more naturally -  playing guitar and hockey. The excitement of both endeavors birthed a passion in me. Endless hours of practice, most of which I could do mostly on my own, gave me time to learn it my way. I could then show up for practices or rehearsal and be part of the team.

I learned a lot from team sports and playing in a band.

I found that working with others who had the same passion and commitment was a lot of fun. I naturally gravitated to those that were more talented than me. I asked lots of questions and watched carefully. I also learned to give away what I learned and encourage others after I got it.

I wish I could say life is a team sport, but it really isn't.

Sure, I need others. I need you. That does not remove the burden of taking charge of my own life, my finances, my relationships and my health. There are things which I must do, decisions I have to make.

Take buying underwear for instance; I know what size I need so I don't chafe or squash the man grapes.

I am the one that makes my marathon training schedule, measures (or not) my food into portions, and decides when I need another pair of running shoes. I also make decisions about my health care.

No one can do this for me.

This weekend I met a vendor at the marathon expo I was working this weekend. We got to small talk about the expo. In the middle of it, a fellow runner from back home briefly interupted to ask about my health. We are friends on Facebook and he follows my story based on what I actually post. He looked me in the eye. 

I went from living in the moment which I have become very good at, to thinking about my next biopsy in late March. The fact that someone took a moment to ask pierced my rather protective emotional skin.

The whole moment ended in a hugs from him and the strange vendor. #life
As it turns out, I did a quick video endorsement for the ChafeX vendor. During the three question interview he asked me where I applied it. (If you run, you know where it goes!) "On my privates and my butt crack I responded - sometimes on my feet."

I can be unvarnished.

The fellow doing the video, hid a smile and thanked me for my honesty. :) I am not sure it was the best decision I ever made, but I had fun doing it. Some other decisions I have made are to login into MFP once a day even if I don't log my food.

I still need you.

Thanks for the votes and comments. (You can do both if you like.)

72 votes + -


joanthemom8 wrote 65 months ago:
Kudos! I've logged in every day for more than 5 years and although I don't always log my food (I'm at about 80%), I still think the act of logging in and the friends gives me the support I need (and accountability) not to balloon -out!
I hope everything turns out well with your biopsy.
BTW, Happy "Fat" Tuesday - NOT!
kookykrazee wrote 65 months ago:
I too wanted so badly to be good at team sports. I, quite honestly, sucked at baseball, but I loved it so at times I really thought "if I play enough, practice enough, I will be good" Guess what? I still suck at baseball. I can't catch the ball on a pop-up, I can't hit the ball anywhere but CF and fielding, what is that? lol I played 1B and still was not good enough to stay on the team. The only thing worse than my sports acumen (or lack thereof) is inability to play a musical instrument that a human being would enjoy hearing. I kept doing the "try try again" and attempted, at one point 15 DIFFERENT instruments and boy do they all sound Kudos to you for finding your place.

Good luck to you and all you do. I work forward each day, good or bad, but ultimately we have to make our own way and either we do it or we don't.
krmsotherhalf68 wrote 65 months ago:
Love to read your posts. You have yet another talent: writing! Prayers always for you and especially with the biopsy coming up. Two-time breast cancer survivor, so I'm kinda' familiar with those. Peace and keep on keeping on!

LisaPrust wrote 65 months ago:
I ALWAYS appreciate your transparency and insight. Please keep on doing what you do! You bring hope and a smile to all of your MFP friends. Praying for your peace and faith as you walk your road ahead. Keep us posted! xo
NikkiiBaby68 wrote 65 months ago:
What were you in the ICU for? I had neurological Lyme disease that nearly crippled and killed me. I beat that MOFO damnit! I am slowly coming back...and it feeling absolutely righteous!
dsjohndrow wrote 65 months ago:
Congestive heart failure.
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