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Who Knows, MFP Might be a Career

Today is the 4th of July, and it's been a good one for me. Lobster and corn on the cob, a 5 mile run and a little time at the lake; awesome! Well, actually there were a few bikinis that should have stayed in the bottom drawer. Just my opinion.

Tomorrow I am off to have my rotator cuff surgery and I have no idea if I will be able to type a single word when I am done.

I had hoped to zip out a few blogs before tomorrow, however; I lost my job and needed to focus on updating all my job search sites. Turns out MFP had the best leads and suggestions so far - thanks!

I am looking for a job and I Googled stuff like "hockey software" - sort of like you searching for "bacon and chocolate." You get some interesting results. I found a company hiring software developers for a hockey app. I applied. I haven't applied for the bacon and chocolate job yet; I am afraid I would become an emotional eater if I did.
To be honest, I was pretty sick of my old job with a bunch of stuffy lawyers and plain Jane paralegals. Not really, I am just pissed that they laid me off when I can't interview. Shaking hands left-handed is a little too effeminate for us rough and tumble software guys. Handshakes get jobs!

Actually, that reminds me of a joke. What's the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead snake in the middle of the road? The skid marks in front of the snake.

You guys have encouraged me to write my weight loss book. I have enlisted the help of a certified nutritionist to footnote my grandiose claims. I am also hiring my buddy who is a riot and we are going to put some recipes for men in it. If you ladies try to make them, you'll have to take an oath.

I do solemnly swear that:
If any asks;
this crock was cooked up by a man.
You can tell, because under serving size
it says:
Don't be a dink, eat it over the sink!

Then there is the editor. I have a good one who charges one cent per word. That's going to cost a couple of bucks.

I plan on doing a Kickstarter project and you will have a chance to pre-order my book. If I get enough people to do that, it's going to happen in regular book form. If not, it's an eBook.

That's the book plan.

The plan for tomorrow is no food, no water, no coffee; then run 2 miles when I get up, take a shower and head on over to the hospital at 9:30. I hope they know how to hydrate me.

I was thinking that maybe I could do some other bodily damage between now and then and get a 2-for-1 deal.

In the mean time, I am hoping to have a spiritual experience as I eat hand fulls of Vicodin and Percocet. Don't worry, I'll be logging them!

See you on the flip side!

72 votes + -


felicity866 wrote 120 months ago:
the job app sounds heaven sent for you...the book plan is a ripper! and i would be all for the drugs as well...the logging should be may need to hire a scribe and just lay back and have them take dictation!! good luck with the surgery!!!
Denjo060 wrote 120 months ago:
Hey good luck with the surgery tomorrow and if you write it I'll buy it, Cant wait for the new blogs My prayers go out to you for tomorrow
{S If you are dehydrated they are going to have a hell of a time getting the IV in to hydrate you so maybe you might want to skip the run Just a suggestion.
jfrog123 wrote 120 months ago:
I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I know you'll be fine, and with you around the surgical staff are the ones that will be "in stitches"!
wisebadger53 wrote 120 months ago:
Good luck tomorrow! I hope they give you some awesome meds! I'm loving the book project...and good luck on the job hunting too! Now don't give the docs any trouble, and no pinching the nurses! ;-)
MaraDiaz wrote 120 months ago:
You're funny! And the book idea is great. In case you decide to do it the traditional way and write it, then send it to a publisher, books like the following are really handy:

If it weren't for the good old Writer's Markets (1999-2011) I would never have gotten as many rejection letters from publishers as I have because I wouldn't have known where to send my half-baked sci-fi novels!
jms3533 wrote 120 months ago:
You will do fine tomorrow! Good idea with kickstarter. My son had great luck with his project last month on Kickstarter. See the TagBot project. We want a book!!!
alexisdc wrote 120 months ago:
Good luck tomorrow. Hopefully, you will be able to prop that shoulder/arm up or and type. Or try out one of those voice to text software like Dragon - Naturally Speaking - you talk into the mic and it writes it out for in the document.Yes can you tell I am not a Rehab well!!
Hoppymom wrote 120 months ago:
I am sorry that you lost your job. I can really relate to that. :P I hope that you have great results from your surgery.
Jenna70 wrote 120 months ago:
I hope your surgery goes well and you recover quickly! I enjoy reading your blogs; your writing style is irreverent and entertaining. I think writing a book is a great idea. Good luck with it!
janet0513 wrote 120 months ago:
Good luck with the surgery. A book is a great idea, you are very entertaining.
TheNewo wrote 120 months ago:
looking forward to the book, get well soon :-)

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