Posted on 10/17/2017 by dsjohndrow
Last week was a tough one. I was dreading my Friday oncology appointment, trying to find ways to not eat everything in the dang house, and be nice to the people in my path. Yeah, I was on edge. I hate living from one appointment to the next. 6 months ago I had a biopsy. The doctor and I had a talk about my slowly progressing cancer. He and I both know it ends in life-changing surgery. The good news is, I haven't had that surgery! The bad news is, I still have the cancer. "It's more worrisome." he said. That is all I remember. I informed him that I wasn't going to miss running the Berlin Marathon. In April he scheduled last Friday's appointment - hardly 2 weeks after running Berlin. I also had two small colon tumors removed in August along with a few polyps. I wish this potential surgery was that easy. I admit I was pretty nervous - I really didn't want to make any big decisions. I just kept focusing on running the Berlin Marathon and living life a day at a time. I guess it's a form of denial. Whatever - I had it until about 24 hours before I was supposed to go to his office. Then it hit me. The next morning I got dressed, put on my lucky underwear, and got in the car. I don't really know what I was thinking except for my answer to his request - if he asked. I can't make that decision now. That was going to be my answer. I had my regular exam (I was number one with the Nurse Practitioner). She went over the five previous biopsies of my man parts in detail. She talked to me about the progression. Slow, but "worrisome." I don't like those words. I don't like fingers in my .... or the smell of surgical gloves. I don't like it all. Then the doctor came in. We shook hands. He asked how Berlin went. Last time it seemed like he wanted me to consider surgery. I wasn't sure what he would say this day. "I have a few questions for you." I said. "Of course. What are they?" "I have been doing some reading and it looks like there is a 5 in 6 chance I will have serious side effects from surgery. I am having a hard time with that." We talked about incontinence, ED and rectal bleeding. He decided to redo the exam earlier exam. I guess they had a two-for-one special that day. "I don't feel anything that I am concerned about." He said. "How about you come back in 6 months and we'll do another biopsy." As much as I HATE those biopsies, they suck for a few days, not a lifetime. "I can't come back in six months, how about seven?" I asked. "I suppose you have something you need to do?" He said looking at me. "Yeah, I am signed up to run the London Marathon in April." "Good luck, and I will see you the week after." |
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I will run in Vienna in April ...
Good luck for London
I'm one of the lucky ones. There isn't a day that I don't say a prayer of thanks for my good health. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't pray for for those battling cancer.
I love your strength,honesty,and humor. And even though we don't always control the path we walk, I admire you for not letting this control you. Please keep the inspiration coming. Thanks so much.