Posted on 1/14/2020 by dsjohndrow
Since the beginning of mankind, religion has often turned the world upside down. Everyone has an opinion about unseen whether it's good, bad or somewhere in between. They worship, they teach, they hope, they pray, and they even spread the word about their personal enlightenment. Folks can be just as religious about weight loss! That's right, some of us have become enlightened and now everyone needs to become like us! What, you don't believe me? Here are the basics constructs of religion.
Belief in Supernatural Being, Deity or Absolute: Weight-losers believe that the calories are supernatural. Then sneak in at night and shrink your clothes and meddle with the zero balance adjustment on the scale.
Sacred and Profane Objects: Sacred objects include the scale, skinny jeans and sometimes the tape measure. The profane; chocolate, ice cream, donuts, wings, and pizza.
Rituals: Scale worship is like daily vespers. Then there is something akin to high mass like cheat days.
Moral Code: You must eat clean, lift heavy, do intervals, or zip your pants. There are many factions.
Religious Feelings: I ate donut, I feel fat. I ate a salad I feel skinny. I ran a marathon and I am sore. I don't look fat in this dress.
Prayer: There are rote prayers like the names we call the scale. It's a universal language. Then there is the second donut prayer and the skipped my workout prayer before ascending to the Altar of Poundage. (I heard the Brits get stoned there.)
A World View: Our world is about weight and rarely about fitness. We have a hard time seeing ourselves as we really are. We say it's OK to have curves and type II diabetes. But then we hit a goal or two and sanity clears our vision.
Intolerance: Skinny people make us angry enough to trip them on the escalator at the mall.
Divine Destiny: We are dreamers of a life of being sexy and skinny in life and the afterlife spent with Jack Lalanne and Richard Simmons.
Problem of Evil Explained: We know about sugar, Aspertame, and GMO's, just ask us!
A Social Group Bound Together: Umm, we are here on MFP.
Belief in a Sacred Scripture: Fad diets are everywhere, but heretics like me have written their own. Thanks for reading along. I appreciate the votes and comments. |
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With so much in my heart i am here to express myself on how Dr. jumba saved my marriage from divorce. Myself and my husband were having some misunderstanding and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extent my husband was seeking a divorce. So I have no option than to go to the internet to seek a solution to my problem. It was there I came across Dr. Jumba details and about how he has helped a lot of people by restoring their relationship. I contacted Dr.jumba and in less than 48 hours my husband cancelled the divorce papers. Now myself and my husband live together in peace and harmony all thanks to Dr.jumba for saving my marriage from breaking up. Dr. jumba contact information are via email: wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com or wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com, text or call him +19085174108
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Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Dr Jumba who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Dr Jumba helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com text or call him +19085174108
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I'm Kathy Brunner from Florida, My boyfriend that left me few months ago just came back to me last night crying for me to take him back. After 3 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started seeing him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called dr unity and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me. and after 28hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started begging me to forgive him and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and now have been married happily with a son. Ever since Dr unity helped me, my boyfriend is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix .Here’s his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 or Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail. com
Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Dr Jumba who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Dr Jumba helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com text or call him +19085174108
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Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
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My name is Carol Williams, i live and work in Oxford shire, UK. My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down all this while. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr. oyinbo the spell caster which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I came across several of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Vera, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email.After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever.Dr.oyinbo you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him on ( prophetoyinbojesus@gmail.com or prophetoyinbojesus@gmail.com) or Call/WhatsApp:+2348074066640 he is the best caster that can help you with your problems.
My husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed a help, so i did a research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Aluya a spell caster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprises, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family.
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1:Pregnancy Spell
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I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr Oyagu for the grate work he has done for me and my cousin sister, I was cured from herpes virus through his herbal remedy and my cousin sisters was also cured from Cancer. This is a grate testimony for what Dr Oyagu Has done for me and my entire generation. I’m giving this testimony so that those of you out there can contact him while he keeps saving my relatives. Send him a Dm and get a better health totally. Contact him via WhatsApp +2348101755322 or Email address:oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com
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2017 MY MOTHER WAS DIAGNOSED OF HERPES/ KNOWN AS GENITAL WARTS ,I SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON HER MEDICATION TILL A POINT I EVEN LOST HOPE,BECAUSE MY MOTHER WAS GRADUALLY DYING AND LOST HER MEMORY TOO, I WAS SO DESPERATE TO GET MY MOTHER BACK TO NORMAL, ONE DAY MY UNCLE WHO LIVES IN LONDON UNITED KINGDOM TOLD ME ABOUT DR OLIHA ,WHO HELPED HIM GET RID OF HERPES /GENITAL WART WITH HERBAL MEDICINE AND HIS HERBAL SOAP ,I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN HE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS ,ALTHOUGH I NEVER BELIEVE IN HERB BUT, I KEEP TO BELIEVE BECAUSE MY UNCLE CAN'T TELL ME LIES WHEN IT COMES TO HEALTH CONDITION I CONTACTED DR OLIHA VIA HIS EMAIL; OLIHA.MIRACLEMEDICINE@GMAIL.COM , YOU CAN TALK TO HIM VIA CALL OR WHATSAPP MESSENGER ON +2349038382931 , HE REPLIED AND ASK ME TO SEND MY HOME ADDRESS AND MY MOTHER'S DETAIL AND THEN I PURCHASED THE HERBAL MEDICINE,SENT ME THE HERBAL MEDICINE THROUGH COURIER SERVICE, WHEN I RECEIVED THIS HERBAL MEDICINE USED IT FOR 2 WEEKS, AND 4 DAYS OF USAGE THE WARTS FELL OFF, MY MOTHER I NOW TOTALLY CURED AND MY MOTHER IS LIVING FREE AND HAPPY AGAIN. YOU CAN TALK TO DR VIA HIS MOBILE NUMBER OR WHATS APP HIM ON +2349038382931 or website i saw on the :https://olihamiraclemedicine.webs.com/ ALL THANKS TO DOCTOR DR OLIHA
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I am overjoyed because my prayers have finally been answered,i have always wished to have my ex husband back,because i wanted my family to be happy again, until i met DR JUMBA who solved my problems for me, and i am sharing this testimony because i believe they are people out there who need solutions to problems like this. When my ex husband left me I was very much devastated and I always wanted back and it got to a period I no longer wanted him back again. After 7 years, my first son was 12 years old, he came home from school and said he was missing his father and all the love he showed when he was around him. The feeling rushed through me like an emotional straining and I had a huge urge to have him back. What happened to us that we separated was what I couldn't think of what started the fight. I contacted DR JUMBA online after reading about him of how he has been helping other people with their problems. I contacted his email at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com and I was able to speak with him. I am happy and very overjoyed that after 7 years, all I wanted was to be reunited with my family and make my life whole again. Thank God for this great and real spell caster DR JUMBA. and i want everyone who have same problem as i had to contact this great man at (wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com)or you can add him up on his whatsapp via +19085174108 , website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
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I'm 40 years old female I tested genital herpes (HSV1-2) positive in 2002. I was having bad outbreaks. EXTREMELY PAINFUL. I have try different kinds of drugs and treatment by the medical doctors all to know was avail. Six months ago I was desperately online searching for a helpful remedies for genital herpes (HSV1-2) cure, which i come across some helpful remedies on how Dr OYAGU have help so many people in curing genital herpes (HSV1-2) with the help of herbal treatment because I too believe there is someone somewhere in the world who can cure herpes completely. At of the past 2 months, however, I've been following his herpes protocol Via oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or +2348101755322 and it stopped all outbreaks completely! To my greatest surprise I was cured completely by following the protocol of his herbal medicine . Don't be discouraged by the medical doctors. There is a cure for HSV with the help of herbs and roots by a herbalist Dr call Dr OYAGU he is so kind and truthful with his herbal treatment, kindly contact him for more information Via oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or WhatsApp DR on +2348101755322you will be lucky as i am today
Dr.Jumba has helped thousands of women get their Ex boyfriends back using his real effective love Spell. After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So I contacted this great spell caster for help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 11 hours my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Dr. Jumba released him to know how much I loved and wanted him. And He also opened his eyes to picture how much love we have shared together. As I am writing this testimony right now I am the happiest woman on earth. I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Email him at wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com , wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108 "I'm so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Dr.Jumba is the best! I'll never forget how much he helped me
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