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Weight Loss is a Religion

Since the beginning of mankind, religion has often turned the world upside down. Everyone has an opinion about unseen whether it's good, bad or somewhere in between. They worship, they teach, they hope, they pray, and they even spread the word about their personal enlightenment.

Folks can be just as religious about weight loss!

That's right, some of us have become enlightened and now everyone needs to become like us! What, you don't believe me? Here are the basics constructs of religion.

Belief in Supernatural Being, Deity or Absolute: Weight-losers believe that the calories are supernatural. Then sneak in at night and shrink your clothes and meddle with the zero balance on the scale.

Sacred and Profane Objects: Sacred objects include the scale, skinny jeans and sometimes the tape measure. The profane; chocolate, ice cream, donuts, wings and pizza.

Rituals: Scale worship is like daily vespers. Then there is something akin to high mass like cheat days.

Moral Code: You must eat clean, lift heavy, do intervals, or zip your pants. There are many factions.

Religious Feelings: I ate donut, I feel fat. I ate a salad I feel skinny. I ran a marathon and I am sore.

Prayer: There are wrote prayers like the names we call the scale. It's a universal language. Then there is the second donut prayer and the skipped my workout pray before ascending to the Altar of Poundage. (I heard the Brits get stoned there.)

A World View: Our world is about weight and rarely about fitness. We have a hard time seeing ourselves as we really are. We say it's OK to have curves and type II diabetes. But then we hit a goal or two and sanity clears our vision.

Intolerance: Skinny people make us angry enough to trip them on the escalator at the mall.

Divine Destiny: We are dream of the afterlife of being sexy and skinny somewhere in life.

Problem of Evil Explained: We know about sugar, Aspertame and GMO's, just ask us!

A Social Group Bound Together: Umm, we are here on MFP.

Belief in a Sacred Scripture: Fad diets are everywhere, but heretics like me have written their own.

Thanks for reading along. I appreciate the votes and comments.

110 votes + -


jmnicholas wrote 88 months ago:
Yep, and we also have the fanatics who are convinced that they are right and everyone else is wrong...however, I have the truth, and no one can shake my belief. If you don't follow my ultra macronutrient ketone rich magic pill diet and insist on this calorie counting thing, I'm going to have to get cross!
dsjohndrow wrote 88 months ago:
LOL 101010101010
totaldetermination wrote 88 months ago:
I'm a born-again-weight-lossian and I'm proud :-)
MaternalCopulator wrote 88 months ago:
Would that mean losing weight is blasphemy?
dawncolleen0120 wrote 88 months ago:
LOL! Well put. And yes, you're right. Adherents are very powerfully motivated to having you agree with them and how they choose to worship the scale. We also have the clergy of the Church of Weight Loss who would be our personal trainers. Listen to them and do what they tell you and all your pizza and cookie sins will be absolved. LOL!
FitLeighP wrote 88 months ago:
Love it!

MaternalCopulator: Not blasphemy, but like any tall poppy we may have tendencies to be 'jealous' may try to find their faults, but not ours, ie if you get too successful we don't want to know you, you are no longer part of us you are 'one of them' lol.

Hypocrites and sinners hide amongst us.

PS: I lost over 10 kgs yeah (shhhhhhh)

ttiiggzz wrote 88 months ago:
Yes, it's become a non-proselytizing religion for me, but I'm damn tired of the sugar-aholics that keep trying to push their faith on me! Grrrr.
RhythmGypsi wrote 88 months ago:
Wow. This is a real eye-opener o_o Mainly because although I've also experienced these observations, but have never put them down into organized thoughts. This is what happens when something that should have the stress levels of a hobby ends up becoming as serious as your leading sports team. Bleh! :P
Out_of_Bubblegum wrote 88 months ago:
Don't forget about the indoctrination of others - aka "spreading the word"
MaryRegs wrote 88 months ago:
I wish I didn't love the profane as much as I do
mea culpa
ihad wrote 88 months ago:
Ice cream is sacred to me!
American_Beauty wrote 88 months ago:
icrushit wrote 88 months ago:
Couldn't agree more - just take a wander over to the forums and see the various religious factions at war every day, which is where some if not much of the inspiration of this piece perhaps came from, lol :-)

I'm a big self-experimental guy, and once you start down the path of exploring and trying out things with a view to finding what's most effective and suitable for you, you quickly realise there are very few absolute truths. Don't tell the true believers over on the forums that though.. shhh ;-)
Zyaedra wrote 88 months ago:
This brought a big ol smile to my face haha.
firefoxxie wrote 88 months ago:
omg this is perfect. LOL! Thanks :)
Zee48 wrote 88 months ago:
I absolutely loved this writing. And it is so true. Thanks for sharing your insight.
_FATNSASSY wrote 88 months ago:
retirehappy wrote 88 months ago:
Great, funny post, thanks for sharing. I must get back to my prayer circle now.....LOL.
111grace wrote 85 months ago:
Karma: "What you sow you reap" Tripping the skinny people, watch out for karma, lol.

Don't sugar coat NUTS: sugar comes from sugar cane, ( nature) ever seen how small a grain of sugar is? Talk about being screwed by a mustard seed!!.

Real Awakening: The problem is simple, CUMULATIVE progress ( awakening,lol), A decrease in movement, & an increase in calories!! = obese!! = overweight

The great Savior : FAT/ ( Faith, Attitude & Time) Insulator is protective element it protects ( kidney, liver etc) from too much toxins. Fat is a brain requirement. Holy fats Avocados, nuts, coconuts. From 10% to..............100% walking on water.

Blessed Water, from above, the Holy cleanse. I love Blessed Water.

New Age 2015 Religion being responsible for your own s**t.

Repent from you sins: Too Much meat proteins "drain blockage", very painful & bloody, repent & don't do it again!!

Fasting daaaaaaaaaaa thats why called "break -----fast" eat with gratitude & appreciation , just come through 40 winks zzzzzzzzzz................ through the desert into the land of milk & honey :) Abundance, Eat like a King.

Sabbath : Sleep, day of rest also means 8 hours of sleep everyday, Not just Sundays.

Church of One person: I think the height of sadness is being limited by yourself. Get out of your way!! Seek & find & progress everyday, not once in a blue moon!!, Knowledge is power.

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