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Weight Loss for Men and Women, the Gender Gap

Today I was thinking about my stomach. I found out that my stomach is cancer free, infection free and for the most part, is mechanically sound. Whatever is making me feel badly, has not yet been found. Going through this alone has been, well, sort of lonely.

I am happy to have a stomach without cancer.

I need to get back on track with losing some weight. Regardless of how I feel, I need to put in more miles than I have been. It's be scientifically proven that men lose weight more quickly than woman, so you might want to listen up. ;) That's not all they do more quickly; it is the micro-wave vs Crockpot analogy.

As usual, I have few thoughts that are shrouded in stupidity, and flavored with a dash of truth.

- Clothes: Men don't by clothes in sizes. If man goes from a size 12 to an 8, it is because he cut off his foot in a logging accident.

- Gastric Bypass (Flagellation): Men just fart more, sometimes significantly reducing their body mass and destroying meaningful conversation.

- Muscles Mass: Men have a few more places to put muscles. For example, the mouth. (Please refer to the anatomy chart below for additional locations).

- Unplanned Trips: These generally come in the form of bread and milk. However; they can be for diapers, baby formula - and when the woman are away, beer. Each trip is worth about 100 calories.

- 12 or 16 oz. Curls: This is a body building technique that most woman are unwilling to undertake because it requires the lack of small children, morals and brain power to accomplish. It comes in many forms, but most MFP-ers would call it Bud or Miller Lite. I think it is in the cardio search.

- Yelling: They yell at the TV more than woman. Politics, sports, and the Hunting Channel give you more to yell about than the Ellen, Lifetime and Disney. This is also in the cardio search.

- Scotch: It's a replacement for protein shakes. When used in excess, it not only keeps the male from eating, but in severe cases performing all but the most basic bodily functions including reverse peristalsis which counts as -10 calories consumed.

- Faster Metabolism: It is true, most men burn calories more quickly than woman, particularly around the time the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue is published.

- Relating to Food: In general woman tend to be more emotional about food, where the majority of men are not willing to admit to having any emotions.

- Sex: When men think of romance, they are not thinking about food, going out to dinner etc. This is a huge calorie saver.

Thanks for voting, commenting and reading along. You guys and gals are great!

Friend me if you like, although you might be sorry you did. ;)

103 votes + -

16 comments:

otispupcake wrote 77 months ago:
Brilliant, as always!
jackflak wrote 77 months ago:
Glad to hear your stomach is free! One foot in front of the other day by day!
LisaPrust wrote 77 months ago:
Congrats on cancer-free stomach!! Woo Hoo!!
1Nana2many wrote 77 months ago:
Yeah for cancer-free report!
Mardill wrote 77 months ago:
So glad your stomach is cancer-free! I hope your symptoms improve. Could you be feeling badly from the meds you might be taking?
I am so sorry you have to go through your struggles & accomplishments alone thus feeling lonely. I will pray on that, as well as good health, for you. Remember you have a lot of friends who care about you and only have good wishes for you, & support you in whatever you do.
Your good humour always makes me laugh!
God Bless
celticlass69 wrote 77 months ago:
Take that stupid A** Cancer!
Hope you get your tummy straightened out soon!
LOL had to laugh with regarding to sizes .... I think that can also apply to stretching the truth on ... ahem .. men's sizes of their .. you know! lol :)
SandraSchraut wrote 77 months ago:
David, Funny and while a bit exaggerated there is some truth !! Women have their issues as well just like their drivers license weight which is a lie for the most part, and for their hope to lose weight in their stomachs when weight loss seems to attack their boobs first grrrr.. As a person with on-going stomach issues(mine is a long-ago failed gastric bypass)I can sympathize. I find small meals helpful, deleting as much sugary things as possible and eating slowly. That may not help you but try it. Congrats on the cancer free status!!
lcvrablik wrote 77 months ago:
About the gastric bypass: not only do men do it more often, but the aftereffects are more intense and tend to linger longer. I believe it is directly related to the 12-oz curls.
nuffer wrote 77 months ago:
Excellent work here. [searches for referenced anatomy chart]
nats2508 wrote 77 months ago:
Excellent news about your stomach! hurrah! and thanks for another great post x
11babyblues11 wrote 77 months ago:
Super cute :)
canadjineh wrote 77 months ago:
Some people are day farters and some are night farters, lol. A gender gap shows up in these metrics as well.

'reverse peristalsis' bwahahahaha!
CajunTess wrote 77 months ago:
Best blog post I've read in a while!
mskimmy23 wrote 77 months ago:
Great blog! Congrats on your stomach being cancer free!
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