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This is Why the Gym Causes Nighmares!

I am taking a class at the local YMCA with a trainer. The first time I worked with one I almost died (read that nearly puked on the workout room floor - more on that HERE). Now, I am actually doing much better, sweat less, and do more reps thanks to losing 60 pounds.

There are some funny characters in the gym. You've met them, the newbies in their blue jeans and loafers, the front row students in the classes worshipping a trainer, and the posers in front of the mirror in the free-weight room. What I am finding more amusing, is the outfits. I had no idea you could mix and match maroon wool Scottish plaids and pink velour. Does anyone buy plain black clothes anymore?

Apparently there are some specific body parts which dictate fashion styles here in New England. IE: Muffin Tops and Trailer Brakes. HERE is a list of body parts for my newer readers. Most of them can be covered, or minimized with the proper attire.

For those of us that still have BMIs in the 20s or 30s it's a good idea to stay away from the spandex, especially the shiny kind. Besides, that stuff can be catch on fire pretty easily.

Here are far-outfits that seem a little strange to me.

Shorts-Over: Ok, so sweat pants are not enough, you need to wear gym shorts over them? You should think this over, my daughter is little scared of you.

Multi-Bra: I am not getting this, are you in a competition for the most straps? At least wear a t-shirt!

Tank Tops: These are reserved for a select few, and honestly, you are not one of them. The Bingo Wings are killing me, your Man Boobs are not attractive, and please don't bend over to do push ups!
 
Street Clothes: For God's sake, it's not casual Friday! I get that you think sweating is just too much work, but try to fake me out. This is a gym, not a hardware store.

Leo-Tights: Whoever thought of wearing a leotard over tights was probably very trim and lived close to a bathroom. I think is was Jane Fonda, but you are not her.

Sandals: Leave them in the car with your bong. Please, get some sneakers. I don't care if the are the Dora the Explorer with blinking lights, just get some!

Baseball Hats: I know it supports your pony tail, but save it for your kid's soccer field. Men, is this your thinking cap? I don't think it's working. Besides the Broncos lost, and so did the Ravens. can I interest you in a #12 hat?

Split-Side Running Trunks: Men, please you are not Burt Reynolds and your tighty whities are not all that white. Ladies, unless you have fabulous hips, I would rather not see your cellulite. Deal?

Braless: Assuming you are NOT 9-years-old, or are applying for a job as a thermometer, keep it to yourself.

Shirtless: You are not at the beach, and besides you have enough hair on your back to gag 2 sinks and an old fashioned bath tub. No thanks.

Sports Bra Only: Why are you doing this? You don't have 6-pack abs, and it is not mating season. I am a little confused.

1960's Headphones: Spring for 15 bucks and get a sports pair at Radio Shack. I promise Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band will sound even more drug drenched. Oh right, and from the back you look like a you have a 10 pound dumbbell on you shoulders.

Police Academy Sweats: LOL, you expect us to believe your are/were a cop? I would like to see your badge. (I am not talking about you, Sean!)

Water Bottle Fanny Pack: I am not sure why you need that, there are drink holders on all the machines, it's not a marathon, and there is a bubbler on the wall. And every time I walk by, I want  snap it!

Well, this post has pretty much made me gag thinking about the gym outfits that terrorize me in my sleep. How about you, what should people not wear to the gym?

Thanks in advance for the votes and comments.

Friend me at your own risk!

89 votes + -

59 comments:

coloradocami wrote 119 months ago:
Love this!
cessnaholly wrote 119 months ago:
I love my sweats. You can't tell I'm NOT in the Navy! Wait, maybe you can. Uhh oh. LOL
juleseybaby wrote 119 months ago:
LOL!

(By the way... not to give TMI - but the multi-bra thing is a necessary evil for some of us who have been 'blessed' up top.)
anzabeth wrote 119 months ago:
Multi-bras can be architecturally necessary to those of us who are well-endowed! Although the bouncing bay-watch boobs may be entertaining for some, they hurt like hell. Besides, let those suckers lose and someone may lose an eye!
dsjohndrow wrote 119 months ago:
Wear a t-shirt. ^^^ :)
Supercatie80 wrote 119 months ago:
Oh I see you're beef is with the ladies who wear a double bra but no shirt?....doesn't that fall into the "Sports Bra Only" category?
What about wind pants? Although, when I run next to someone in windpants, I feel like I'm running just that much faster, what with the swish, swish noises flowing past my ear drums.
therapyruns wrote 119 months ago:
this is awesome. jeans get me the most. people wear the strangest articles of clothing to the gym. the only thing I might slightly disagree with is sports bra only -- if I HAVE to do a long run inside on the treadmill (such as 5 plus miles and maybe 5 times a winter) -- I am dripping with sweat, but usually keep my tank on. With that said, I only do this between 5-6 am or 9-11 pm with less spectators :)
jennilovesryan wrote 119 months ago:
i have to wear two sports bras!!! but i do so under my shirt. and i wear a hat too (guilty!) to keep the waterfall of sweat from vomiting into my eyeballs!!!
STARSHINE1975 wrote 119 months ago:
Gotta keep the sweat out of my eyes! It's either a baseball cap or a 80's headband (that would go great with that Jane Fonda leotard). Your choice. =)
kevinlynch3 wrote 119 months ago:
Funny post..2 gut checks for me..other than the gut check I do daily in front of the mirror ;o)

Guys using the mirror in the weight room are a mix of 2 types..posers & guys watching their form while lifting which I don't have a problem with.

Guys in baseball caps..hey I know I do that and its when I haven't showered before the gym because I know I'm going to sweat for 2 hours plus at the gym so showering afterwards makes more sense.....that's efficient dude....lol
dsjohndrow wrote 119 months ago:
OK, let's not get too serious here!
nanodot wrote 119 months ago:
I wear a tank top (or a large sports bra!) because if I overheat too much I will get a migraine, spend a day in agony, and throw up. Working out is all about radiative surface area for me.

I take the attitude that we are all here at the gym to improve ourselves, not to be looked at by you.

I know you have much better things to talk about than this.
Sallycinnimon wrote 119 months ago:
I'm the multi bra person (it takes a lot to hold these puppies up ha!) But I am courteous enough to wear a shirt. Lol too funny, as always!
pinkyslippers wrote 119 months ago:
Heh, I actually LOL'ed at this!
Mustangsally1000 wrote 119 months ago:
Great post! I do just wear a tank someitmes..and likely shouldn't..batwings don't cha knowl. But...Hate t-shirts..necks on ''em feel like I'm choking...and I get toooooo hot. Don't wanna pass out on the treadmill/elliptical and land on you when i fly off. :D
2jayjaysmom wrote 119 months ago:
OMG this is so funny, really made my day reading this
pwittek10 wrote 119 months ago:
This is all so true!
Loved your in-sight!
Now if they would just have a gym for fat old ladies...
Oh! wait a minute, now thanks to FitnessPal I am no longer fat just old!
Biomisty wrote 119 months ago:
I love working out but hate the gym because I am afraid I'm being judged. Now I know the voices in my head are right. :) I'm not guilty of any on your list but I did wear jean shorts once because I was in a hurry and so got called out for it!! enjoyed reading and now i know what to look out for .
tamheath wrote 119 months ago:
Lol! Very Funny, and must agree with previous poster on the multi-bra thing. Too much shakin' in the makin'. :)
NinjaMonkey201 wrote 119 months ago:
I was at a gym that had a "trainer" who wore heavy makeup, huge earrings, and stiletto heals. At the gym!!! I seriously laughed at her every time I walked past... she didn't like me much. :-)
Bentley2718 wrote 119 months ago:
You're seriously complaining about tank tops? If I am going to spend 45+ minutes on an elliptical, there is no way I'm wearing a t-shirt, I get too bloody hot. If I had the body for sports-bra only, I'd do it, because that would be even less heat retention.

Also, some people wearing military/police gear really were/are in. When my husband first got out of the military, all of his workout gear was olive drab. People looked at him funny, but who wants to go buy a bunch of new clothes just to get sweaty in them?

Bentley2718 wrote 119 months ago:
Biomisty: The voices in your head probably aren't right. Most of us are too busy working out to worry about what other people are wearing.
dillard_kelly wrote 119 months ago:
ha ha ha ha ! I laughed til nearly crying.. this was great and sooooo true ! You got it right on !
landay wrote 119 months ago:
Okay, so you may be judgemental about peoples' attire, but this is freakin' hilarious!!! My very favorite is the one that you shouldn't do unless you're 9 years old or "applying for a job as a thermometer". Funny!!
SNYSeefried2 wrote 119 months ago:
I never notice other people I just worry about myself getting a good work out,I just think as long as people are trying to get exercise in I like it I don't really care how they look.
Marks281172 wrote 119 months ago:
Heheh brilliant, thanks for the giggle :)
jsunshine220 wrote 119 months ago:
Tooooo funny....Luv it!!!!
opher wrote 119 months ago:
The post was hilarious, even (maybe especially) the obviously silly parts. Almost as funny is how many people saw themselves in your post :D.

However, at the risk of being labeled a killjoy here, it would be unfortunate if anyone stays away from the gym because you (or your long-lost twin) might be looking at them and judging their attire or worse, their body shape.

I guess that explains a large part of the success of in-home fitness programs.
FitqueenT wrote 119 months ago:
WOW

Tank Tops, multi bra, and baseball caps annoy you?

WWCSeefried2...totally agree with you. Never thought the gym was a runway.
dsjohndrow wrote 119 months ago:
Even Oprah agrees with me. Google it. :)
ksavvy wrote 119 months ago:
the #12 reference made me think you might be in/from 'Sconny, but the bubbler confirmed :-) And gosh, I hope none of these were inspired by me!
briannaluse03 wrote 119 months ago:
I think that as long as people are making an effort to work out it doesn't matter what they wear. I'd prefer a bra-less woman or hairy man in a tank top working to improve their lifestyle over them feeling self-conscious when they go to the gym because people are judging them. Comments like these are why people shy away from gyms.
kar74 wrote 119 months ago:
I'm also one of the well-endowed multi-bra wearers...but wear a t-shirt over them. I definitely laughed at your observations and have made similar observations at my gym. It's very entertaining to workout and people watch at the same time. Lol!
Supercatie80 wrote 119 months ago:
Hate to break it to you ksavvy, bubblers exist in Wisco too. Though it depends on which half of the state you are from. East Wisconsinites call it a bubbler, West Wisconsinites call it a drinking or water fountain. I did a project on finding the "bubbler line" in Wisconsin for a college class. No joke!
jlowensby wrote 119 months ago:
Really enjoyed this! Made me laugh and think lol
homeport51 wrote 119 months ago:
I agree with briannaluse03. The important thing is that they are there trying to get fit. Maybe the fashion police should have met them at the door and redirected them out of your sight. Not nice John...
Embell0830 wrote 119 months ago:
None of these compare to a woman at the gym I used to go to. Please note she had an amazing body, perfectly toned etc. She would dress in workout gear like the "Girls Next Door" tv show. Perfect pristine (sp?) sneakers, knee high heavy cotton socks in multiple bright colors and or patterns, a little short short flowly tennis skirt with bloomers and some sort of razor back tank top. While she never wore a ton of makeup (didn't need it), her hair was always perfect even after she worked out (including cardio and serious weight lifting). Also she was one of the nicest people at the gym, but it just cracked me up.
Enforcer25 wrote 119 months ago:
LoL at the academy sweats, never have, never will wear those to the gym. I am guilty of the tank top, pretty much wear those all the time. Very funny reading :)
Bysshe wrote 119 months ago:
While this is funny... I am glad I don't work out in a gym!
I already feel self conscious about being judged everywhere I go. Glad I have the equipment to have a good workout at home, I can break all these rules and not one person make fun of me.
Manta909 wrote 119 months ago:
Awesome good stuff, where do I get the split side shorts?
dont worry I wont wear tighty whiteis under neath, just au naturel!
let it hang out baby!
caramkoala wrote 119 months ago:
Believe me, you'd prefer I wore AT LEAST two bras!
louisau wrote 119 months ago:
One of the guys at my Gym dresses like a member of the wolf pack in Twilight.
odditblue wrote 119 months ago:
Worth the risk. =D
felicity866 wrote 119 months ago:
just toooo funny...hahaha....i see people like this almost every day...truth be known...i am probably one of them!!! lol
mjdafoe wrote 119 months ago:
HAHAHAH omg this is great!! Love it!!! I am going to be a gym newbie (like 10 times over) and I would go in yoga pants and a tshirt!
Robyn120 wrote 119 months ago:
Very funny! I even fall somewhere on your list and still think it's funny!
dsmcharliebrown wrote 119 months ago:
Why do your hair in the morning just to hit the gym then shower? Baseball cap it is.
slk1954 wrote 119 months ago:
This is the funniest thing I've read in some time. I laughed my fool head off the whole read. I could close my eyes and see all those same people in my gym. Well, I quite the gym, so used to see. I bought myself a treadmill with my Christmas Bonus. Yippeeee....I've even been using it. I would like to friend you, but I am just as sarcastic as you appear to be and I'm afraid we'd just bug the hell out of each other. Or maybe keep other laughing. You decide. Friend, or No Friend. Just keeping it real. ;-)
SarahRuth‚ô• wrote 119 months ago:
There are a lot of people who avoid the gym because they're worried about being judged. And they see something like this and it just proves them right. I enjoy a good laugh just as much as the next guy/gal, but I don't think this is funny at all. You are the problem. Worry about yourself when you're at the gym, rather than judging those around you.
Jennicia wrote 118 months ago:
Im laughing so hard right now!
77tes wrote 118 months ago:
Thanks for pointing out that women wear baseball caps in the gym. I will from now on -- why fix my hair to go work out!
gnrshelton wrote 118 months ago:
I agree with some on here that say they don't go to the gym because they feel they might be judged. Going to the gym is about working out not a fashion show. I have to admire anyone who is overweight and goes to the gym to workout regardless of what they are wearing. I know you meant this to be funny but to some people it isn't.
How can anyone be attractive when they are sweating their weight off. Personally I wouldn't care what they wear because I would be there to workout not look. One last thing...How do you think YOU look at the gym. Perfect I'm sure. I don't mean this to sound awful but just give people a break. At least they are working towards their goal just like you are.
Starsweet wrote 118 months ago:
The one thing that boggles my mind are the young ladies who are on the tredmill in full-on evening make up. I mean if you are doing any exercise worthwile, you will sweat, which means your carefully applied make up will run (unless you have the "mist-n-fix" stuff from Sephora, you can sleep in that and wake up wirh a perfect face). And please tell me you were planning a shower before your hot date tonight?...Please?
TeslaJoule wrote 118 months ago:
To a certain degree I agree with gnrshelton. It's hard not to be self conscious sometimes, and this is precisely why. However, I've learned to say to myself, I'd rather be made fun of for my workout wear flaws than for being overweight, out of breath, and out of energy. For those of you that feel insulted by this blog, I hope you can learn to say that to yourself too.

To help you laugh, here's my biggest faux-pas: yoga pants with bikini underoos. My friends are embarrassed of my lines and have made that know to me. But you know what, at least the girl behind me doesn't have an intimate view of my behind and no one has to ask me to double check that my pants don't reveal my unreavelables when I stretch them...underoos to the rescue! :)

Also, to my brother: the old high school tee shirts with the armholes cut off down to the waist, it's not okay. Marky Mark was the ONLY one who could pull that off, but you don't see him rocking that anymore, so you shouldn't. I'm telling you this with love...
shortmutt wrote 118 months ago:
we are all there to get a dirty job done. who cares what you where as long as it gets done and by the way it would be rather boring on the treadmill if everyone dress normal(and what is that)enjoy the veiws
RoadkingDavid wrote 118 months ago:
David, you outdid yourself with this one. I am still laughing. And I wore some crazy outfits, especially in the first few months. Hell, 300 lb men not only do not own gym clothes, but big and tall stores just dont carry gym clothes. They call me Johnny Cash at work now, because I wear basic black gym shorts and shirts and shoes, even though they are brand name and the wick the sweat away materials. LMAO !!! To the "stop making fun of me" crowd: come on folks, you hafta learn to laugh at yourself. Awkward truths are what make observational humor funny.
Cherub3965 wrote 118 months ago:
haaaaaaaaaaaahahhaaa - thanks for the morning chuckle! Seen plenty of things that made me go HMMM. Like - pj's --- PJ's?
brittanyscherich wrote 118 months ago:
lol sooo funny! however, i wear multiple bras to keep the girls in lol. but i do wear a shirt over it!
sailorsiren13 wrote 118 months ago:
lol so funny but ya see i wear multi bras so keep the girls in and i wear a hat/bandana to keep the sweat from running into my eyes to bad and it helps with concentration!!! you should try it sometime! Then maybe all the lovely lady lumps wouldn't distract ya!

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