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Things You Say to Your Scale

The scale has a lot of power over us. It's like a religion - an object of worship even! The fact that it is inanimate doesn't seem to stop us from talking to it though. Thinking about some of the things you've muttered under you breath besides the obvious profanities when stepping on the scale.

The scale is like having a child.

I won't go as far as to say it's like giving birth, but it is a pretty painful experience at times. But like a new mother, once it births a loss, even a baby one, they're pretty excited!

When there is good news from baby scale, it's "I love you baby."

With a new child in the house the real relationship work begins. You start to act like your own parents. The worse the report, the madder you get.

Here are some things you know you can hear yourself saying! (The following is an except from my new book.)

Don't talk to me like that!

Don't make me come down there.

Show me onederland!

Just measure the part that's not water!

This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Someday, when you have offspring, you will understand.

Don't get married ever in your life. And tell that to your kids.  

I am going to stand here until I get the truth.... OK, lie to me and let's get this over with.

You're going to sit there until you give me the weight I am looking for. I don't care if you sit there all night.

Where are your clothes?

Keep your numbers to yourself!

No, I am not pregnant.

Two zeros don't make it right.

When I say no, I mean NOOOOO!  

Because I can pull your batteries out, that's why.

Don't ask me, ask your manufacturer.

Stop playing Biggest Loser, and give me just one weight.

If Tommy told you to go up to 350, would you do it?

Do what I say, not what I do.

Wipe that smile off your dial, or I will.

If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about.

If you break your legs, don't come running to me!

So don't be an abusive parent. ;0

Thanks for the votes and comments.

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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

60 votes + -

19 comments:

tonybalony01 wrote 109 months ago:
You forgot: You lied to me. Your punishment is to go stand in the corner until you're ready to tell the truth.
Leahbcc wrote 109 months ago:
So so enjoyed this post...thanks for sharing it
flabbermantel wrote 109 months ago:
noooooo! That can't be right...let's move it over here and see if it says something else :-) :-)
DEEDLYNN wrote 109 months ago:
I tell mine....BIG LOSS, BIG LOSS...NO WHAMMIES!!!!
JustLindaLou wrote 109 months ago:
"Stop playing Biggest Loser" - that is my scale right there!!:/
Mustangsally1000 wrote 109 months ago:
My scale is a biggest loser reject...it NEVER settles.
mdcjmom wrote 109 months ago:
I laughed so hard I cried you are awesome!
turkeyhunter60 wrote 109 months ago:
surely you are not level here. Let's move over there. Way to go!
Denjo060 wrote 109 months ago:
Love this I weigh in on my Wii and when I get on and it says OH!!!! I tell it to shut up hahah
WDA4655 wrote 109 months ago:
This made me laugh! Great stuff!
cleancutmusic wrote 109 months ago:
Sometimes I wanna buy a new one... cause old thing don't work
doherty1977 wrote 109 months ago:
Loved reading this!!! I always argue with my scale because it never matches the one at the doctor's!
yoovie wrote 109 months ago:
THIS IS HORRIFYING.

This measurement tool has almost nothing to do with either your level of fitness or what you want your body to look like. Obsessing over ANYTHING this much is horrifying.

It's not like having a child, it's like having a RULER!
geekgirl_2012 wrote 109 months ago:
yoovie's comments had me laughing almost as much as your blog. Can s/he be that clueless? I hope yoovie was joking. LOL!
wisebadger53 wrote 109 months ago:
Entertaining as usual my friend! I don't talk to my scale much anymore though...he's hiding in the closet with yoovie's scale. ;-)
yoovie wrote 109 months ago:
OF COURSE IM FRAKING JOKING! o_o
dsjohndrow wrote 109 months ago:
She was joking!
Mardill wrote 77 months ago:
Your blog has cheered me up!
I have stopped talking to my scale. I stare quietly straight ahead as I step on, hoping I won't be noticed. Then I peek down and as soon as I see whats what I step off & just pretend it was nothing and silently walk away.

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