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The Truth About Scales

Today is no different than any other day. That is what I am trying to tell myself. I am pissed about the scale this morning. It's not my god, but it is a guage of where I am at. It's a thermometer and it is not in the normal range.

That bothers me.

Of course my weight is not really what's going on. Maybe you ready last week's blog - still no results for my biopsies. I already wrote about the things you say to your scale HERE.  If you need tips on weighing in, thos are HERE.

So what is the best scale to use? Here are my thoughts.

The Muscle Scale - Goes higher when you flex in the mirror while standing on it.

The Fickle Scale - Continues to flash different weights as you watch it. The trick is stepping off at the lowest one.

The Shower Scale - It shows a lower weight before the dirt and navel lint are gone. It's confusing.

The DUH Scale - Reminds you that it is your TOM, you ate too much during the holidays, or you haven't used the rest room.

The Moveable Scale - It gives different readings depending on where it is on the bathroom floor. Unfortunately the "sweet spot" is underneath the toilet and requires standing on one foot.

The Dirty Harry Scale - Makes your day, or you get to shoot it with a .44 magnum.

The Family Scale
- Weighs the kids perfectly every time. You - not so much.

The Talking Scale - Designed for the visually impaired and people who have met their goal weight. Everyone else kicks it.

The Political Scale - Tells you what you want to hear, but has nothing to do with the facts.

The Mission Impossible Scale - Actually there is no such thing. But if there was, it would self-destruct whenever it gives you an undesirable weigh in.

The James Bond Scale - Gives you tantalizing weight reports and then turns deadly in scene 2 followed by a car chase.

The Cracker Jacks Scale
- Rewards your weight loss with a prize.

The Horoscope Scale - Like the Fortune Cookie Scale with better English.

The Doctor's Scale - Creates a new excuse while you wait.

The TMI Scale - Tells you why you weigh whatever is you weigh. "Geeze David, you ate at a Taco Bell again. Not only does it smell bad in here, you gained 2 pounds since your last weigh in."

The CSI Scale - Plays back your weight and whatever you said while reading your weight from the scale using Gil Grissom's voice.

The TBC Scale - The highest weight on the scale is "To Be Continued."

The NFL Scale - Records an occasional loss, but encourages you to do better next time.

The Summa Wrestler Scale - Starts at 300 lbs. and throws you to the bathroom floor if you lose weight.

The Musical Scale - Do - re - mi - fa - so - la - te - do - 199.

The Gym Scale - Always shows you weigh more than the home scale - oh right, because you are not naked.

The M-F Scale - Actually all of the above depending on the day.

Did I miss any?

Thanks for the votes and comments!

Friend me at your own risk.

127 votes + -

25 comments:

Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote 77 months ago:
Thanks, We all needed a smile today. Especially you!
justrollme wrote 77 months ago:
Love this!
PoisonDartFrog wrote 77 months ago:
Don't forget the high-end hotel/spa scale...Always weighs you at least 10-15# lower than your home scale.
nats2508 wrote 77 months ago:
Oh yeah, the moveable scale! I have one...the sweet spot is the third floor tile from the sink, approximately 25.5cm from the bath facing south east!! Another great post, thanks!
PlantBasedRnr wrote 77 months ago:
Once again another homerun! Really needed this one today since I missed my run yesterday and am up 2 pounds since this weekend.

I think you forgot one though... the Aw Hell No scale - everytime you look at it you say loudly AW HELL NO!
LisaPrust wrote 77 months ago:
I agree with ^^brhollifield: "AW HELL NO!"
Fitgrama101 wrote 77 months ago:
woops! I didn't know what the arrows were for and accidentally pushed the down one. I really loved it though.
sanfromny wrote 77 months ago:
The bad connection scale- Seems to be buffering while you stare aimlessly at your feet waiting for the your answer!

The Not again scale- gives you the same answer it did 30 seconds ago after failing to achieve placing it on the "sweet spot"
HanamiDango wrote 77 months ago:
Love this! My scale is a cross scale between the family scale, the fickle scale, and the TMI scale. Seriously every one can weigh in weekly/monthly and be at the same weight, besides me. My scale loves to say you have lost 1.5lbs, but don't let that fool you because next week you will be 5lbs heavier, than it proceeds to laugh at me.

ldesomer wrote 77 months ago:
This is fantastic! Love it!
lambertj wrote 77 months ago:
Love this
r2coder wrote 77 months ago:
Can't stop laughing. I have the magic 8 ball scale. Gives you a different outcome depending on how hard you shake it.
drkhoax wrote 77 months ago:
Sadly this is all true!
dfranch wrote 77 months ago:
You forgot on the James Bond scale, you have sex at the beginning and end of your weigh-in.
intrawebs wrote 77 months ago:
Try the Hot Tube scale - after being in the hot tube you weigh 2 lbs less. yes that's my kind :)
CoffeeLadymfp wrote 77 months ago:
I like the Dirty Harry Scale! lol Im sitting here laughing at your blog, so funny!! Thanks for the humor!!!
LINIA wrote 77 months ago:
Great Post, thanks for Sharing!
admirza wrote 77 months ago:
OMG! The Fickle the Moveable and the Family scale. Mine does it all...lol
sandraallangrimes wrote 77 months ago:
Fantastic! We can all relate because it is so true.
EllenKay63 wrote 77 months ago:
I have the Fickle Scale. You forgot the Doctor Scale that weights you five pounds more than your scale at home.
ankleWED wrote 77 months ago:
This article made me smile and chuckle :) this morning. Thank you for this sharing. It was really great!
Sometimes I stand on the scale and it says 00 . I think God is telling me to smile more. Stop worrying about that scale. What if all us weighed nothing 00 :). It is not the pounds that are the issue. It is what is eating me. What is the driving force behind me that causes me to gain weight, to yo-yo back and forth ?
Throw the scale away! I say! I am looking at my triggers, use my support systems and take one day at a time and I am doing my best to eat healthy. Losing the emotionally pounds and automatically I am having the evidence of my clothes not fitting as tight, I do feel that I am looking better and the weight is coming off. One day at a time. Peace
TheDoctorDana wrote 77 months ago:
Fight Club Scale - we don't talk about it.
pelwell66 wrote 77 months ago:
excellent... Glad I am not the only OCD scale person.
carolc123 wrote 77 months ago:
Me too....i hate that thing....it either never moves or like this morning...up a pound! ugh....
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