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Stupid F$%cking Marathons

From my new book due out in December.

At his office I sat there in a chair and listened to every ugly detail of my cancer diagnosis. Really, all I heard was surgery and radiation. I didn’t know what to ask.

I took the names of two doctors.

My first appointment was with a surgeon who does six to eight prostatectomy surgeries a week. There were no happy people in that waiting room. Scared men, nervous wives, and some frail men there for follow ups. I looked at my phone and kept to myself. Soon I got checked in and brought to an exam room.

It was strange looking down over Boston' Back Bay.

Like a prison, this cancer was. Then Joel Olsteen’s German twin entered the room. The surgeon introduced himself and chattered away about the wonderful life I would have after surgery. For Pete’s sake, it was like buying a used car. The hard sell was on. I really didn’t listen. I didn’t have any questions. I scheduled surgery for after the Boston Marathon of 2014.

Two Days after.

Not long after I saw a radiation oncologist. He was in Framingham (MA), and his office was one floor under the Framingham Heart Center. I thought about those days in ICU just across the jetway. It was surreal. Two of the most tragic health events in my life in one building.

I just sat there defeated.

I finally got called into the office. The doctor was super bright. After the pleasantries of greeting each other, he asked me. “Where is your wife? Wives usually want to know how this will affect them.”

I looked down - sort of ashamed. “She had to work.” It was all I had. How could I begin to explain living through all the uncertainty of congestive heart failure was all she could handle. She was angry and felt insecure with me out on disability.

Then risking my life to run a stupid fucking marathon?

Then cancer. She had almost completely shut down when we had to move. It was worse on the way home from the doctors appointment where we discussed my results. In fact it was ice cold. I was alone. It was too much for her.

Damn it, it was too much for me!

Running that marathon - yeah, I sort of hoped I would die that way instead of shriveling up and dying of cancer.

8 votes + -

10 comments:

kendallvon wrote 2 months ago:
You did a great job making the reader feel your fear, anxiety and powerlessness.
Rosie5151 wrote 2 months ago:
I really hate to put that I liked this... I would prefer a heart or a holy shit button! Holy shit, man! You've been through the GD pickle...

I just shake my head in awe that you still have a fucking sense of humor............. my mouth.. sorry but is there any other way to put it?

Because there is no holy shit button I suppose I'll just hit the like button................
debk0718 wrote 2 months ago:
I can't wait to get your latest book. The sharing you do truly brings us into the moment and how you are feeling. You have no doubt been through a lot, but you keep fighting and have your faith to carry you on. Thank you as always for sharing. Thoughts and prayers that you are doing well.
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Anonymous wrote 1 month ago:
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