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Stupid F$%cking Marathons

From my new book due out in December.

At his office I sat there in a chair and listened to every ugly detail of my cancer diagnosis. Really, all I heard was surgery and radiation. I didn’t know what to ask.

I took the names of two doctors.

My first appointment was with a surgeon who does six to eight prostatectomy surgeries a week. There were no happy people in that waiting room. Scared men, nervous wives, and some frail men there for follow ups. I looked at my phone and kept to myself. Soon I got checked in and brought to an exam room.

It was strange looking down over Boston' Back Bay.

Like a prison, this cancer was. Then Joel Olsteen’s German twin entered the room. The surgeon introduced himself and chattered away about the wonderful life I would have after surgery. For Pete’s sake, it was like buying a used car. The hard sell was on. I really didn’t listen. I didn’t have any questions. I scheduled surgery for after the Boston Marathon of 2014.

Two Days after.

Not long after I saw a radiation oncologist. He was in Framingham (MA), and his office was one floor under the Framingham Heart Center. I thought about those days in ICU just across the jetway. It was surreal. Two of the most tragic health events in my life in one building.

I just sat there defeated.

I finally got called into the office. The doctor was super bright. After the pleasantries of greeting each other, he asked me. “Where is your wife? Wives usually want to know how this will affect them.”

I looked down - sort of ashamed. “She had to work.” It was all I had. How could I begin to explain living through all the uncertainty of congestive heart failure was all she could handle. She was angry and felt insecure with me out on disability.

Then risking my life to run a stupid fucking marathon?

Then cancer. She had almost completely shut down when we had to move. It was worse on the way home from the doctors appointment where we discussed my results. In fact it was ice cold. I was alone. It was too much for her.

Damn it, it was too much for me!

Running that marathon - yeah, I sort of hoped I would die that way instead of shriveling up and dying of cancer.

9 votes + -

20 comments:

kendallvon wrote 12 months ago:
You did a great job making the reader feel your fear, anxiety and powerlessness.
Rosie5151 wrote 12 months ago:
I really hate to put that I liked this... I would prefer a heart or a holy shit button! Holy shit, man! You've been through the GD pickle...

I just shake my head in awe that you still have a fucking sense of humor............. my mouth.. sorry but is there any other way to put it?

Because there is no holy shit button I suppose I'll just hit the like button................
debk0718 wrote 12 months ago:
I can't wait to get your latest book. The sharing you do truly brings us into the moment and how you are feeling. You have no doubt been through a lot, but you keep fighting and have your faith to carry you on. Thank you as always for sharing. Thoughts and prayers that you are doing well.
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:
Thanks dr jumba you promised and you did it god almighty will continue to bless you as you help people reunite their broken relationship and broken marriages .  I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I'm not going to see him again not until I met a lady called rose who told me about a spell caster called DR jumba, She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 48hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 48hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I'm still surprise till now about this miracle,i couldn't conceive but as soon as the spell was cast,i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child,if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via: email:  wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  or Call/WhatsApp him:  +19085174108  BLOG : blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/  
WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com 
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:

I'm so glad I found this real love spell caster dr unity'He brought back my ex husband. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +2348055361568.
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:
Thanks dr jumba you promised and you did it god almighty will continue to bless you as you help people reunite their broken relationship and broken marriages .  I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I'm not going to see him again not until I met a lady called rose who told me about a spell caster called DR jumba, She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 48hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 48hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I'm still surprise till now about this miracle,i couldn't conceive but as soon as the spell was cast,i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child,if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via: email:  wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  or Call/WhatsApp him:  +19085174108  BLOG : blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/  
WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com 
Hoppymom wrote 11 months ago:
My heart is breaking. What a hard thing to go through and feel so alone. I'm so glad that you are still fighting the good fight.
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:
effective and powerfull love spell to return ex lover contact dr jumba Call/WhatsApp him:  +19085174108   
my fiance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called dr jumba that he solved so many relationship problem then dr jumba told me he will come back to me between 24hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my finance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that dr jumba help me bring my finance back to me. Thanks so much dr jumba he can also help you Email him via:  wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  or Call/WhatsApp him:  +19085174108   : blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/  
WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com   
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:
HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST WISDOM CONTACT ON WHATS_APP NUMBER +2348124644470


This is my testimony about the good work of priest wisdom who help me ... I'm Ann Earnis from north Carolina USA. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 1 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you sir. Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to their problem, I advise you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +2348124644470  https://supernaturalspell21.blogspot.com/
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:
HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST WISDOM CONTACT ON WHATS_APP NUMBER +2348124644470


This is my testimony about the good work of priest wisdom who help me ... I'm Ann Earnis from north Carolina USA. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 1 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you sir. Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to their problem, I advise you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +2348124644470  https://supernaturalspell21.blogspot.com/
Anonymous wrote 9 months ago:
I feel so blessed again in my marriage after Doctor jumba brought back my husband that separated with me for good 6 months. Even though i have mouths all over my body, it won't be enough to thank Doctor  jumba  for his help upon my life. My husband separated with me for the 6 months and have been in pains and agony without him. So, i searched for help everywhere but nothing worked out not until i meant Doctor  jumba  who i contacted online. I explained my situation to him and he promised that my husband will get back to me within 24 to 48 hours as far that my heart still beats for him. I believed in him and he prepared a spell for me and my husband called me exactly when Doctor  jumba   said. He pleaded and said he needs me back and now we are living happily again for the past 9 months. Everyone out there reading my article that needs help should contact him.  via
call : +19085174108 or wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com for more information 
Anonymous wrote 8 months ago:
Omg I Finally Got Helped  !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman  and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out..  I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact  Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email emutemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp +2347012841542
Anonymous wrote 8 months ago:
I am here to spread this good news to the entire world on how Dr Emu helped me solve my infertility problem and i am so happy now that i am now a mother because for over 4 years i have been trying to get pregnant and needed help, i and my husband always go for medical check up and the doctor always say that the both of us are fine and i have nowhere else to get help from and all hope was almost lost until one day i visited a friend of mine and i told her what i was passing through and she introduce me to this great spell caster called Dr Emu who helped her when she was in need of help, so i took a try to contact Dr Emu through his email and i explain all my problem to him and after we have talked he perform an infertility spell for me and after that he told me what i should do, and i followed the instruction he gave and after that he instructed to sleep with my husband and also i followed the instruction and he said that the next week i should go for medical check up and the doctor confirmed that i was 4 months pregnant and i was so happy that all my sorrows were gone for ever, i am so very happy now and also you need any kind of help or the same line with mine, contact Dr Emu on his email: emutemple@gmail.com or Call/Text his whatsapp phone number +2347012841542
Anonymous wrote 7 months ago:
I am from the USA, after six years of marriage with my husband with 3 kids, he suddenly started going out with other women and coming home late, each time I confronted him it turned out to be a fight and he always threatened to divorce me at all times, my marriage was gradually coming to an end. i tried all i could to stop him from his unruly attitude but all proved abortive, until i saw a post in the forum about a spell caster who helps people cast spell on marriage and relationship problems, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this Spell caster Dr.Jumba via email, he helped me cast a spell and within four days my husband came back apologizing for all he has done and promised never to do such again and today we are happily together again. Contact this Great spell caster for your marriage or relationship issues on his contact info.Call/WhatsApp: +19085174108
Email: wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com
Website: http://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
Anonymous wrote 7 months ago:
Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this email address princemagicspell@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him because i have no other choice and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks to Dr Prince. His email: princemagicspell@yahoo.com or WhatsApp +19492293867
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:

Getting your lover or your ex back has been made more easy by this powerful spell caster called Dr Odion. I am Rose by name and i am from canada, the only reason why i am on this site is to thank this powerful spell caster called DR. Odion and you can improve your relationship success by contacting him through these details (wisdomspiritualtemple@gmail.com Or call +2348136482342) This powerful spell caster did me a huge favor by helping me get my lover back to me within the speed of light and since then my relationship has been perfect.

any problem of yours.He is specialized in the following:

(1)Spell for protection from danger
(2)Spell for magic
(3)Spell for same sex love
(4)Spell for healing
(5)Spell for invisibility
(6)Spell for riches and fame
(7)Spell to get a good job
(8)Spell for strong love and relationship
(9)Spell to bring your ex back
(10)speII for Lottery
This man has great powers and is incredibly generous.You can contact him on
(wisdomspiritualtemple@gmail.com)
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
TESTED AND TRUSTED HONEST SPELL CASTER {DR JUMBA } https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com      .

 I want to give a big thanks to a great spell caster commonly known as DR Jumba for the great spiritual prayers he did in my life by bringing my ex-lover back to me after many months of breakup and loneliness. With this, I am convinced that you are sent to this word to rescue people from heartbreaks and also to help us get the solution to every relationship problem. for those of you out there who have one relationship problem or the other why not contact DR Jumba  . that is the best place you can solve all your problems, including a lack of jobs and promotions, binding and marriage spells, divorce and attraction spells, anxiety and depression problems, good luck and lotto spells, fertility, and pregnancy spells, and also the business success and customer increase, winning court cases and many more. contact him at Wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or call his phone number or WhatsApp: +19085174108 .or check out his website : https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com     
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Its a real miracle Till today i still imagine how dr 0love brought back my man after he had vowed never to set his eyes on me again. he had even set the date for his wedding with another woman before i contacted dr 0love.
He told me to leave everything to him because i told him if the wedding takes place i would commit suicide.
After he cast the spell for me my man came back to me and said he wants to still marry on that date and the woman he wants is me and am so happy to announce that our wedding is coming up in 2 weeks time and i am still in contact with dr 0love till date because he is a very powerful man and a man to be trusted. CONTACT DR 0LOVE ON email: doctor0lovespell@gmail.com OR whatsapp him on: +1 (201) 781-2375 You can also visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa  or view his website: ttps://doctor0lovespell.wordpress.com/
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Hi, good day everyone!
I am so proud and happy to be out here sharing Dr. Okosisi work. My ex Husband is really back to me on his knees presenting a ruby rose to beg me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred last year. And this whole miracle happened within 48 hours of Contacting the Great Love Psychic. I am the happiest woman today in this whole wide world. Dr. Okosisi, you really did it..Yes.. It's a miracle and everlasting pleasure and cheerfulness for me and my family today. I am so happy now and I don't know how much to convey my thankfulness and appreciation to you sir. To the whole world, contact him if you need urgent help to get your Ex back or if you wanna fix your broken relationship. Dr. Okosisi spells are guaranteed and effective. 

Email: Spellservicetemple@gmail.com

website: https://spellservicetemple.com/

Whatsapp number: +1 770-200-5468

Amelia, from the USA!!   
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF REAL AND EFFECTIVE SPELL BY doctor0lovespell@gmail.com  My name is Wendy Ruth, I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I’m not going to see him again not until I met a lady called Jesse who told me about a spell caster called Dr. 0love , She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 24hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 24hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I’m still surprise till now about this miracle, i couldn’t conceive but as soon as the spell was cast, i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child, if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via: email: doctor0lovespell@gmail.com Or WhatsApp or call him now: +1 (201) 781-2375 You can also visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa  or view his website: https://doctor0lovespell.wordpress.com/

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