Stop the Food Pushers!
Posted on 7/08/2020 by dsjohndrow
Don't you just hate it when "no thank you" doesn't work? What do you do if those inconsiderate family members, friends and Type-A soccer moms continue to offer you food, suggest the worst restaurants, drinks and other deadly treats?
Well, here is an arsenal of snide remarks from my first book, which should stop them in their tracks. Feel free to mix-n-match. Gender options can be used as needed.
Them: You have to try it.
You: That's what they said about remote control underwear.
Them: I made it myself. You'll love it!
You: No thanks, I'd rather drink sour milk.
You (alternate answer): I make poop myself, but I keep that quiet.
Them: Here, have {some crap you don't eat.}
You: Did you check the package? I heard that was recalled due to E. coli.
Them: It's just once a year!
You: So are OBGYN visits and I am not sure I like the stirrups.
Them: You should have a beer.
You: No thanks, I am going skydiving at lunch and don't want to splatter on the roof of your wife's mini-van/husband's BMW, it might scare the hell out of the kids.
Them: Have another piece of cake.
You: So, I can look like you?
Them: One bite isn't going to kill you.
You: Unless it's cyanide.
Them: We have so many leftovers. Take some!
You: You are really going to give me the crap no one else eats?
Them: But it's your favorite!
You: No, running at 4 am is. Would you join me tomorrow?
Them: Let's stop at McDonald's.
You: You are what you eat, and I am not interested in being fat, cheap or passed out a window.
Them: You should have some {Name of some food item that your MFP friends will delete you over.}.
You: I am allergic to sugar, fat and sodium, but thanks for asking.
Them: Let's go to KFC.
You: I heard some one got a fried mouse there - pretty gross, right?
Them: Have a piece of pizza.
You: I just saw the {name of the person most disliked in the office} sneeze on it. It's hard to tell with the broccoli, I know.
Them: How about a Margarita?
You: No thanks; I was looking for a José/Juanita about my age with ripped abs.
Them: Try some banana nut bread.
You: I can't, I am fasting for my colonoscopy. Actually I need to run...
Them: You are a vegetarian?
You: Yes, the only animals I eat are crackers.
Them: It's good for you.
You: Let's see *picking up the package* Bleached Flour, Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Hydrogenated Vegetable and Animal Shortening, Dextrose. Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, and Red 40.
I think you are wrong.
Them: If you don't try my dish, I'm just going to have to force you to eat it!
You: Is this food rape?
Them: This is to die for.
You: Last time it gave me raging gas and I was asked to leave the bait aisle at Bass Pro Shops.
Them: You should eat another serving of turkey.
You: No, thanks, it makes me fart and I sound like a tuba with benefits.
Them: You can go off your diet.
You: Think of it like this: I am speeding down a mountain road in Argentina; there are no guardrails. Would you tell me it was safe to go off the road?
Them: You don't look like you weigh too much.
You: Not on a scale of 1 to 10, no I don't.
Them: Here try some pork.
You: Was that once a real pig? It looks like your ex.
Them: We've got donuts in the break-room.
You: Is Michelle Obama on vacation this week?
Them: Looks like someone is obsessed with dieting…
You: I would say passionate about health. But what would you know about that?
Them: Come on, you only live once.
You: And when I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Thanks for the votes and comments. You guys are amazing!
Friend me for wise cracks, sarcasm and support on your news feed.
1:Pregnancy Spell
2:Jail Release
3:Prosperity Spell
4:Lottery Spell
5:Cancer cure ETC......
My husband left me for another woman and i wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
I want to quickly write on a Powerful Love spell Caster that helped me when i had a misunderstanding with my husband which leads to Divorced, I contacted this Powerful spell caster for called Dr jumba help and I follow the step that he ask and within 48 hours my husband called me and was eager for my forgiveness and that he wished nothing more than to have me in his arms forever. I am filled with so much joy and happiness that I found Dr jumba , I hope you all here will find this testimony of mine and get your husband back in just 24 hours. He did a perfect work for me. I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is anybody Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr jumba on His Email ID : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or text him on whatsapp : +19085174108 and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, Here is His website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
My husband left me for another woman, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
My husband left me for another woman, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
CONTACT DR JUMBA VIA WHATSAPP : +19085174108
OR EMAIL HIM VIA : wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com
WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com .
I am overjoyed because my prayers have finally been answered,i have always wished to have my ex husband back,because i wanted my family to be happy again, until i met DR JUMBA who solved my problems for me, and i am sharing this testimony because i believe they are people out there who need solutions to problems like this. When my ex husband left me I was very much devastated and I always wanted back and it got to a period I no longer wanted him back again. After 7 years, my first son was 12 years old, he came home from school and said he was missing his father and all the love he showed when he was around him. The feeling rushed through me like an emotional straining and I had a huge urge to have him back. What happened to us that we separated was what I couldn't think of what started the fight. I contacted DR JUMBA online after reading about him of how he has been helping other people with their problems. I contacted his email at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com and I was able to speak with him. I am happy and very overjoyed that after 7 years, all I wanted was to be reunited with my family and make my life whole again. Thank God for this great and real spell caster DR JUMBA. and i want everyone who have same problem as i had to contact this great man at (wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com)or you can add him up on his whatsapp via +19085174108 , website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
and share your testimony with the world. blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
Dr unity can also help with spell like-
how to get husband back spell
how to win husband back spell
how to win my husband back from the other woman spell
get your husband back spell
save marriage after sepation spell
win husband back spell
win ex back spell
get ex back spell
prevent divorce spell
win him back spell
lottery spell
WhatsApp him: +2348055361568
Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com
CONTACT DR JUMBA VIA WHATSAPP : +19085174108
OR EMAIL HIM VIA : wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com
WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com .
I am overjoyed because my prayers have finally been answered,i have always wished to have my ex husband back,because i wanted my family to be happy again, until i met DR JUMBA who solved my problems for me, and i am sharing this testimony because i believe they are people out there who need solutions to problems like this. When my ex husband left me I was very much devastated and I always wanted back and it got to a period I no longer wanted him back again. After 7 years, my first son was 12 years old, he came home from school and said he was missing his father and all the love he showed when he was around him. The feeling rushed through me like an emotional straining and I had a huge urge to have him back. What happened to us that we separated was what I couldn't think of what started the fight. I contacted DR JUMBA online after reading about him of how he has been helping other people with their problems. I contacted his email at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com and I was able to speak with him. I am happy and very overjoyed that after 7 years, all I wanted was to be reunited with my family and make my life whole again. Thank God for this great and real spell caster DR JUMBA. and i want everyone who have same problem as i had to contact this great man at (wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com)or you can add him up on his whatsapp via +19085174108 , website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
and share your testimony with the world. blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
Dr.Jumba has helped thousands of women get their Ex boyfriends back using his real effective love Spell. After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So I contacted this great spell caster for help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 11 hours my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Dr. Jumba released him to know how much I loved and wanted him. And He also opened his eyes to picture how much love we have shared together. As I am writing this testimony right now I am the happiest woman on earth. I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Email him at wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com or wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108 "I'm so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Dr.Jumba is the best! I'll never forget how much he helped me
WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com , blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
WEBSITE: drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
my fiance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called dr jumba that he solved so many relationship problem then dr jumba told me he will come back to me between 24hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my finance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that dr jumba help me bring my finance back to me. Thanks so much dr jumba he can also help you Email him via: wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108 : blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
WEBSITE: drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com or ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com
Write him on Whats-app +2347059715465
Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com