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Stop, Drop and Roll

The gym is the stage for a plethora of strange happenings and paranormal human behavior. It seems that one remarkable occurrence eclipses the next.

One cold afternoon as the wind drifted snow outside, three dozen of us lined up on our treadmills beneath four large flat screen TVs. It was like a scene out of the film A Clockwork Orange. Ellen, Olivia from Law and Order, Pat Summerall and CNN’s Wolf Blitzer lip synched Paranoid by Black Sabbath in my headphones as the miles wore on. I was enjoying my back row view as I thought about finally graduating from the C25K program. I was little bit proud of myself as I ran along at 6.2 miles per hour.

I dreamed of one day pushing it to the maximum of 12!

The tread hummed along circulating on unseen rollers beneath my feet. As the music played, I tried my best to discreetly pass a little gas and headed to the two mile mark. A woman came and took the treadmill next to mine. She fiddled with her water bottle and car keys. From the corner of my eye I saw her pushing every button but the green one to start the machine.

Gym rules don’t allow talking, especially to members with headphones on, of which I was one.

Then she started to bang on the control panel loud enough where I could tell she was frustrated. Because of the no talking rule I pretend not to notice. Furiously pushing buttons and banging on the machine not one of the sheeple came to her aid. Finally I realized that it was my mission in life to hit the quick start button for her. Popping out my right headphone, I asked, “Do you need some help.”

“Do I look like I know what I am doing?” she snapped.

Oh my God, this is a trick question for which there is no right answer. Like a mime, instead of talking, I reached over and pushed the green button. At that very moment I stepped on the side rail of my treadmill, my headphone cord wrapped itself around the handrail. Off the end of the spinning deck I went at 6.2 miles per hour, body slamming the wall behind me. My glasses flew onto the belt, firing them back at mach 10, impaling my left shoulder. The woman turned to see what happened as I was writhing on the floor in pain. As she turned, she too lost her footing. Like a game of Mousetrap, her stupid water bottle came crashing down dislodging the cover and creating a momentary lawn sprinkler as the treads continued to spin.

The runner on the other side calmly switched of both treadmills, grabbing her soggy People magazine and left in a huff. I too decided that it was best to leave. As the silent TVs flashed above the scene like the many marquis of Times Square at night, I put my headphone back in to make sure no one talked to me, and slipped out the back exit. 

You need this book, don't you? ICU to Marathon - Diaries of  Nearly Dead Man

44 votes + -


Mustangsally1000 wrote 103 months ago:
johnwhitent wrote 103 months ago:
A good read!
tonybalony01 wrote 103 months ago:
I fell your pain.
I, too, have had the misfortune of taking a misstep on the treadmill. Left a nice, long streak of skin on the tread and a bloody scrape all the way up my shin.
Thanks for sharing! :P
tonybalony01 wrote 103 months ago:
Denjo060 wrote 103 months ago:
Haha not funny .......but it is lol
Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote 103 months ago: couldn't make this stuff up ,if you tried... could you!! I thought ,such as that, only happened to me.
BogQueen1 wrote 103 months ago:
That's only like my biggest gym fear ever. Falling off the back of the treadmill.
cbmcphillips wrote 103 months ago:
I think you were helping me.....giggles. ...Carol
lighteningjeanne855 wrote 103 months ago:
I would have cared more about helping the OBVIOUS newcomer than about "gym etiquette".

I would have turned off my machine, removed my earphones, and leaned give assistance.
Then, I would have put on my headphones, restarted my machine, and started running to get up my heart rate again.
On the other hand, if I had seen you and the other woman fall from your machines, I would have offered assistance and the use of my towel.

Of course, these actions isn't "cool" or hilarious in their executions and outcomes.

This is from an Old Lady, a former schoolteacher, who lives to keep people, however muscle-bound, from the pain of ignorance.

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