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Some Days I Just Don't Want To!

I am well past 1400 days on MFP. I have won the battle with body image. I have won the battle with heart disease. Although having had cancer 4 times, I would rather die from heart failure if I have to.

After all these years the battle is still with food.

I hate it. If I give myself a little room to enjoy a treat it turns into a 2-day binge. I don’t keep junk in my house. I never get desert when eating out. I only partake on holidays and birthdays.

Then I went out for Chinese and God said it was good!

I started going out once a week and then twice a week and then I gained 10 pounds. This thing is so fragile. I am running more short runs because I haven’t been able to run any really long ones.

This week it's 4 miles, 6 miles and I will run a 9-miler if I have to crawl.

I have a new food scale, been logging the stuff I don't always eat and looking for some new recipes. I feel like I am starting out again. I am frustrated with me, my body and a few things in life. No matter what happens, the basics still work.

One of the side effects of my new medication is weight gain. :(

I asked about other options, however, based on the symptoms they are trying to fix, this was the best one. And the others caused ED. I want to ready just in case. :)

I confess, it's been hard to stay focused.

The food has been my problem since I was 41. Before that it was cigarettes and drinking and kids; I have a lot of kids. ;) At 41 I went from 165-175 to 230 pounds and then to around 300. I have struggled with my weight ever since. I put smoking and drinking behind me decades ago - many decades.

And my last kid will be on her own in a few years.

Lately it seems that I eat out more, cook less, and don't pay attention as much. I dread making lunches and snacks for work. I am working hard to stay in the day and just live one at a time.

It's about food. It's always the damn food!

Granted I have a lot going on in my personal life: potential layoffs at work, unresolved health issues, and the regular family stresses. Some days everything seems impossible.

Nothing is impossible - well, for me, nothing is impossible with God.

The flip side of having a lot of stuff to deal with in life? Having a lot of ways to counter it. I put things in my life that are worth looking forward to. I purchase something small online that I need so the pile of medical bills seems smaller when I get to the mailbox. Of course I run as much as I am able to. I register for local races, I ride my bike, take an occasional ride on the motorcycle and I have taken up competitive shooting.

Some days I just sit on the bed and enjoy some of the blessings I do have.

If quitting is not an option, then entertaining myself, visiting my kids, and being a smartass online is a positive response.

When I am doing those things, I am not eating or thinking about it.

I was going to write 10 things to help lose or maintain your fitness. I can only think of one.

DON'T QUIT!

Thanks for the votes and comments. Friend me at your own risk.

185 votes + -

35 comments:

justrollme wrote 77 months ago:
It all boils down to your message at the end, "Don't Quit!" Love how articulate and transparent you are about life's endless struggles, especially with your attitude and ability to re-frame those struggles into the good things to see!
PlantBasedRnr wrote 77 months ago:
Wow - this one actually gave me a minute to reflect on some things... as always, great, thought provoking post.
farmboyphotography wrote 77 months ago:
Despite the challenges, you always have a core message: It's not easy, but it's worth it; be consistent, and never quit!

Thanks for the inspiration and the great posts! Stay strong, sir!
Chocmom wrote 77 months ago:
I've been with MFP for over 5 years, never had a streak for more than 5 days. I'm at 80 days and there have been days when I say, nah, not going to worry about posting today. Then I get that reminder "you haven't logged today" and it makes me think, "do I want to break my streak". Hmmm, I am actually making progress, need to stick with it for at least one more day.

Can't imagine 1400 days. But I have a new goal.

Thanks for the inspirational post.
Kamnikar64 wrote 77 months ago:
As usual you have cut through the crap - It is always about the food! Everything else is important too but it comes down to food, one thoughtless mouthful does lead to more than you need and for me a binge. I miss-stepped today with a chocolate pastry from Panera. I am determined to keep it in check for the rest of the day; we'll see how that goes. I should know better (head slap)
FitOldMomma wrote 77 months ago:
Never, ever quit. You are awesome.
GoneGirlGone wrote 77 months ago:
1400 days! You rock!
I read your post and I heard honesty. It. is. really. always. going. to. be. about. the. food. dammit.
Forvalaka wrote 77 months ago:
I'm trying a new strategy: once a week I get to have one whatever-I-want meal. Then if I find myself reaching for the cookies I can tell myself "But if you wait you can have x+y+z on Saturday night!" Having something to look forward to seems to help. And if that's your long-run day, all the better!
cdhebron23 wrote 77 months ago:
1st blog I've ever read on MFP... so glad I did! The best message, ever. Thank you!
Anniepi66 wrote 77 months ago:
Another good read. You always hit the nail on the head. I was just telling some friends today in just those words and in just that manner: It. Is. Always. Always. About. The. Food. Always. Arrrrgggg.
rruuddyy74 wrote 77 months ago:
Thank you, David. Thank you for your honesty, your inspiration, and sad to say - even for your struggles and hardship, because you have a great way of sharing them that affects and relates to the reader that can truly make a difference in their life...as it has mine. Thank you for taking the time to share today. "Chinese...and God said it was good" srsly LOL!!!
celticlass69 wrote 77 months ago:
Honest inspriation! Face it we all have to eat, can't go without it ... so it will always be an ongoing battle. It's how honest we can be with ourselves that matters. Your honesty and dedication both awe and inspire me! Thanks for another great blog! :)
Hastalabeastababy wrote 77 months ago:
Great post and so true!!!! The battle with food seems to be never ending for me too! But I love your closing, Don't Quit!
OkieEnglish1083 wrote 77 months ago:
Wow, my longest streak is 5 days. Great blog post. Inspiring and I can relate to many of your struggles!
babydasha wrote 77 months ago:
thank you for your honesty. It makes me feel like I am NOT alone in all my struggles, most importantly makes me get myself up and try again :) Thank you!
mowree wrote 77 months ago:
One of your BEST blogs.
Bankman1989 wrote 77 months ago:
Great post John!
BouncingYogaGirl wrote 77 months ago:
From what I'm seeing lately in the excercise research,long runs can actually cause one to gain weight. The recommendation now is to do all out sprints a few times a week to deplete glycogen. Then to swing some weights a few times a week. Move around slowly on a daily basis. Eat
ing higher fat seems to help me avoid the binges.
dsjohndrow wrote 77 months ago:
^^^ I think overall, intervals are best for losing weight! Weights are definitely good too! That said, I am a marathoner and did well for a few years. Just recently that all this stuff sort of hit.
waster196 wrote 77 months ago:
I have been through the mill on this journey too, losing over 100lbs four years ago and then regaining all of it plus more. It's really nice to see someone else articulate that it ain't easy and there are ups and downs.

Sometimes you look around and all you see are other people succeeding and making it look easy (even though deep down you know it isn't!) and that's great for them, but it can be a little hard to swallow when you're struggling. It's helpful to be reminded that it's normal for this journey to have rough patches and hard spells and that everyone goes through these difficulties.

You don't quit and I won't.
dsjohndrow wrote 77 months ago:
^^ Thanks. I am pissed about 10 pounds. It's not going to happen!
Juniper_7470 wrote 77 months ago:
Thanks for this post. I needed to read this today. And I'll probably need to read it tomorrow, and the next, and so on. Don't quit! is exactly right.
jkanejm wrote 77 months ago:
"This thing is so fragile." That's profound. I needed that too. Thanks for posting.
JulesAtkinson1 wrote 77 months ago:
I love this post. Being a bit of a smartass myself, I find battling the beast of constantly wanting what I cannot have works best if you can at least develop a little sense of humor, self-depracation, and sarcastic wit.
I too, cannot keep ANYTHING in my house that will potentially cause me to de-rail; for the same reason. If it's there, I'll eat it. If a lot of it's there, I'll eat it til it's gone. There is no in-between; no "one bite to satisfy my craving", "find a healthy alternative", "hide it on the back shelf". If it is IN MY HOUSE, I will sniff it out like a bad-ass drug dog in Tijuana.
Don't quit!
marlown wrote 77 months ago:
I just found your blog. Just what I need to "hear". Can't wait to read more. I'm struggling with the last 20 after being on this journey for several years. It just doesn't get easier.. "Never Give Up" is what I always tell myself and others. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Have a great day!!
Kenda2427 wrote 77 months ago:
I agree food is always the battle. You can quit smoking, quit drinking alcohol and many other bad habits but you have to eat. And the stuff we love is the stuff that we can't/don't control so we overeat and it leads to weight gain, self loathing, losing performance gains and a host of many other issues from mental to physical health.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life, I have always caught it before it got out of control but it is still a daily battle that I hate. Weighing, measuring, not having what I want..it sucks. But on my good days I think of how much better I feel about myself and life in general when I eat healthy.

So yes the moral of the story is never quit, keep fighting and every day is a new start.
ronaldmac wrote 77 months ago:
This was a great message. My streak is up to 1,698 days and I look forward to each and every entry as motivation to maintain my weight and health. Originally lost 50 lbs, but have gained 5 of them back. No worries! Still where I want to be. MFP helps keep me focused. As my roommate so elegantly puts it...."Just trying to keep the cheese on the cracker" Hang in there!
Hoppymom wrote 77 months ago:
I'm sorry that you are struggling with this process. You have always been such an inspiration. Even after gaining back all the 70 pounds I lost I still watch for your blogs. You are so strong and so dedicated if find it just amazing. Ironically now that you are struggling it further inspires me. (If Dave can get stuck and have set-backs and still not quit, then someday I will get back on track and figure this out and lose that weight once again and all the rest that needs to go too.
gutsforlife wrote 77 months ago:
thank you for this post. Feeling that I'm losing track again this is really what I needed to hear: don't quit!
newjeans140 wrote 77 months ago:
Wow, what a a great blog. This is the first blog I have read, and apparently for a reason. I have often said the same thing, it is always about the food! I come from a highly addictive family and food is MY addiction. The hardest thing about being addicted to food is you still need to eat, whereas with drugs, alcohol and other addictions,these can be given up totally. With food we have to exercise control all the time and that makes it so much harder. We can't just quit eating.I LOVE your humor blended in with the hardship. I love your message DON'T QUIT! I needed to hear this. Thanks.
fiona5525 wrote 77 months ago:
Enjoyed your post. Have just started logging food again, food has never had so much control in my life as it does now. Nice to hear another story that has some familiarity. I have quit smoking, Ive never really drank, off the sugar, pretty sure my brain is just screaming for some kind of "drug" most of the time and that means that I am pretty much always thinking about food hahaha. One day at a time. Don't quit!
Jewels_Ka wrote 77 months ago:
BE, SO SO PROUD of your self! And thank you for sharing. Such a touching post.
Rossergirl wrote 76 months ago:
Glad to know there are others that struggle with food every single day! Sometimes I just feel like giving up, but I do not! I carry on! This was encouraging!
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