You may have read some of the Message Boards here on MFP. There are hundreds of thousands of them! The categories are diverse, ranging from Success Stories to Nutrition and Chit-Chat. Each one appears to be crafted by experts in their field. With such a wealth of information, how can one sort through all this truth?

As a veteran of MFP, I thought I would take some of the more complex questions and give simple answers. These are actual questions with my not so serious answers.

Should I eat my exercise calories? No.. err... I mean yes! No, I mean half!!!!

What if I eat my exercise calories? You'll get fat or skinny.

Should I exercise? Yes, if you want to eat the exercise calories.

How much time should I spend exercising? At least the same amount of time you spend eating, food shopping and on MFP combined.

I have bad knees. This is not a question. My guess is that you also have a fat butt. Try MFP.

Some one called me fat, what do I do? Stick to the program.

Some one called me skinny, what do I do? Post it as an NSV and wait for the anorexia police.

I have food allergies, what should I do? Unfortunately it isn't to fast food. But you asked, so get an Epi Pen and go to the organic grocery store.

What is cleansing? Claiming poop as weight loss.

What is fasting? Stops poop.

How do I become a vegetarian? *face palm* dsjohndrow is nealry speechless. Don't eat your cat.

I ate more and lost weight, aren't you proud of me? Should I be? (I know it's rude to answer a question with a question?) Are you over 50? (Damn, another question.) Sorry, this is above my pay grade.

Do you have Cheat Days? No, I only eat Sunday through Saturday. If I was on the Mayan calendar, I could until later in the year.

Do I have to drink 8 cups of water a day? No, you can use an empty diet soda can.

Should I get a food scale? Not if you can accurately guess the molecular weight of the hydrogen in the kitchen.

I still have over 50 pounds to go, but how do I maintain my weight? Just eat while you are standing on the scale. If it moves, stop eating.

Should I weigh myself every day? Yes, it is less time consuming than every minute. Unless of course you are using the weight maintenance program outlined above.

Should I stop eating fast-food? Only in between healthy meals.

Do you take supplements? No, my girlfereind and I are exclusive.

What are you thoughts? If I told you I'd be arrested.

Is it OK to wear skimpy underwear or a bikini in my success pics? Only if it's too hot for a sweatshirt.

How come every one wears skimpy underwear or a bikini in their success pictures? It's terribly hot in the bathroom after weighing yourself every minute.

Should I use the Stairmaster? No, just weigh yourself every second.

Should I eat processed food? I suggest it, if you can't grow your own veggies and slaughter your own fatted calf.

My HRM doesn't agree with MFP, what should I do? Schedule a cheat day. No, seriously, just lie.

How would you log one half of a Hershey's kiss? I am sorry, I am going to need more information. Was it the 2 pound one?

What is TMI? TMI = Tight Underwear (often seen in success pictures)

If I only need 2 beers to catch a buzz, how should I log it? As a snack.

Should I eat breakfast? If you finished yesterday's dinner, yes.

Should I eat meat? Only if you want your pudding.

Do you have low carbs? Mine are all the same height.

OK, it's your turn; what question would you like to ask me?

Thanks for the votes and comments. BTW - You can vote and comment!