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Short Answers to Complex MFP Questions

You may have read some of the Message Boards here on MFP. There are hundreds of thousands of them! The categories are diverse, ranging from Success Stories to Nutrition and Chit-Chat. Each one appears to be crafted by experts in their field. With such a wealth of information, how can one sort through all this truth?

As a veteran of MFP, I thought I would take some of the more complex questions and give simple answers. These are actual questions with my not so serious answers.


Should I eat my exercise calories? No.. err... I mean yes! No, I mean half!!!!

What if I eat my exercise calories? You'll get fat or skinny.

Should I exercise? Yes, if you want to eat the exercise calories.

How much time should I spend exercising? At least the same amount of time you spend eating, food shopping and on MFP combined.

I have bad knees. This is not a question. My guess is that you also have a fat butt. Try MFP.

Some one called me fat, what do I do? Stick to the program.

Some one called me skinny, what do I do? Post it as an NSV and wait for the anorexia police.

I have food allergies, what should I do? Unfortunately it isn't to fast food. But you asked, so get an Epi Pen and go to the organic grocery store.

What is cleansing? Claiming poop as weight loss.

What is fasting? Stops poop.

How do I become a vegetarian? *face palm* dsjohndrow is nealry speechless. Don't eat your cat.

I ate more and lost weight, aren't you proud of me? Should I be? (I know it's rude to answer a question with a question?) Are you over 50? (Damn, another question.) Sorry, this is above my pay grade.

Do you have Cheat Days? No, I only eat Sunday through Saturday. If I was on the Mayan calendar, I could until later in the year.

Do I have to drink 8 cups of water a day? No, you can use an empty diet soda can.

Should I get a food scale? Not if you can accurately guess the molecular weight of the hydrogen in the kitchen.

I still have over 50 pounds to go, but how do I maintain my weight? Just eat while you are standing on the scale. If it moves, stop eating.

Should I weigh myself every day? Yes, it is less time consuming than every minute. Unless of course you are using the weight maintenance program outlined above.

Should I stop eating fast-food? Only in between healthy meals.

Do you take supplements? No, my girlfereind and I are exclusive.

What are you thoughts? If I told you I'd be arrested.

Is it OK to wear skimpy underwear or a bikini in my success pics? Only if it's too hot for a sweatshirt.

How come every one wears skimpy underwear or a bikini in their success pictures? It's terribly hot in the bathroom after weighing yourself every minute.

Should I use the Stairmaster? No, just weigh yourself every second.

Should I eat processed food? I suggest it, if you can't grow your own veggies and slaughter your own fatted calf.

My HRM doesn't agree with MFP, what should I do? Schedule a cheat day. No, seriously, just lie.

How would you log one half of a Hershey's kiss? I am sorry, I am going to need more information. Was it the 2 pound one?

What is TMI? TMI = Tight Underwear (often seen in success pictures)

If I only need 2 beers to catch a buzz, how should I log it? As a snack.

Should I eat breakfast? If you finished yesterday's dinner, yes.

Should I eat meat? Only if you want your pudding.

Do you have low carbs? Mine are all the same height.

OK, it's your turn; what question would you like to ask me?

Thanks for the votes and comments. BTW - You can vote and comment!

75 votes + -

26 comments:

lesleyloo7879 wrote 63 months ago:
LOL OMG HAHAHAHAHAAH! I LOVE THIS !
MonicaA2013 wrote 63 months ago:
Yet another hilarious post !! I am so glad i read your post on the side bar a while back. I LOVE your humor and frankness !!! Keep it coming ROFLMFAO !!!!!!
PlantBasedRnr wrote 63 months ago:
Great - now everyone at works thinks I am even more crazy than they did before - This is friggin HILARIOUS... seriously, I am sitting here at my desk laughing and snorting...

One more question - should I tell my co-workers I am reading your blog so they don't think I am crazy?!?!?

You really should warn us before we jump in and read posts like this - one of these days it is going to get someone fired.
Pattycake755 wrote 63 months ago:
This is too funny! And what is funnier is that the same questions are posted in the forum and written about in the blogs over and over and over again. Redundancies! If I had a dollar for every time I have seen the question "Should I eat back my exercise calories", I would be on my way to becoming a hundredaire! Here are my answers to that question:

1. Eat back your exercise calories if you are exercising so that you can eat more!

2. Eat back your exercise calories if you don't want the exercise to count toward your weight loss! Go ahead and eat them back, especially if you don't want to lose weight faster!

3. HUNGRY? Eat back your exercise calories, but remember that the only calorie deficit you are creating is "food-related." LOL
Leahbcc wrote 63 months ago:
Another great one David
tonybalony01 wrote 63 months ago:
If I eat back my exercise calories, do I need to exercise more to get my calorie deficit back? If so, do I need to eat those exercise calories, too?
EstyNir wrote 63 months ago:
Basically exercise is good for you for reasons not only concerning weight loss. So if you do eat the exercise calories you are still benefitting from having exercised anyway. That said, I see the exercise calories as a buffer in that I don't intentionally eat them but when I go over my daily allowance they are there to keep me in the green. They are also good for when I want a special treat, or for an unusually hungry day.
Pattycake755 wrote 63 months ago:

"As a veteran of MFP, I thought I would take some of the more complex questions and give simple answers. These are actual questions with my not so serious answers."

Raise your hand if you know that David is a good writer and he was just adding humor to these often "complex" MFP questions??? LOL!!!
Pattycake755 wrote 63 months ago:
Just realized how funny the other comments are. LOL
HanamiDango wrote 63 months ago:
Does MFP's forums have a search feature that is ever utilized? Or maybe better phrase as, what is this word search at the top of the forums mean?
Wysewoman53 wrote 63 months ago:
One of the funniest ones of yours I have ever read! I am still laughing! I laughed so hard, my husband had to know what I was reading and even when I tried to read it to him, I could barely get the words out cuz...yes, I was laughing that much!

As for questions, I think you answered any I might have had already!

Thanks for this blog!!
stillnot2late wrote 63 months ago:
NICE! I NEEDED THIS HUMOR. GUESS WHAT, AFTER SEEING THIS FUNNY STUFF,(oops, didnt know I had the caps on, thats a capital crime)- so, after reading this, I'm taking my bad knees in the other room and exercise. thank you!
Deipneus wrote 63 months ago:
Poop isn't weight loss?
pizzafruit wrote 63 months ago:
Too, too funny! I just spit my apple out. I so enjoy your insights. And although hilarious, it shows your tremendous strength in the face of a tough challenge. Thanks!
ukjay wrote 63 months ago:
Next :-)
chetvr wrote 63 months ago:
Should I eat meat? Only if you want your pudding.

So subtle, so hilarious! Did anyone get this reference besides me. It's was sooo good!
Pattycake755 wrote 63 months ago:
LOL I get it @chetvr. "Should I eat meat? Only if you want your pudding" is THE most complex MFP question! Hilarious!
Cintirich wrote 63 months ago:
Yes Chetvr -Pink Flyod! :)

Seriously (or not), this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Thanks for the laugh!
druidkat7 wrote 63 months ago:
In an acronym: ROFLMAO!!!!!! You could also have had one about sex burning calories, but I suppose we'd want to keep it clean for any kids that might read over their parents' shoulder. ;-)
VeganAmandaJ wrote 63 months ago:
You're hilarious and I enjoy your writings.. always a good read!
MaryQueenofWalking wrote 63 months ago:
Hysterical, David. I especially liked the cleansing, fasting and supplements one - but the entire blog made me laugh out loud. Thank you, Mary
WayTooHonest wrote 63 months ago:
The Pink Floyd reference FTW. Nice.
solieco1 wrote 63 months ago:
Pudding!!! :D
N0703989 wrote 63 months ago:
bloody brilliant!
Anonymous wrote 5 months ago:
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