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Salad Made Me Sick! Fad Diets

Despite my pretty darn good record of eating healthy, I still have had some health issues. I have worked really hard to eat the nutrition I need. I wanted to be healthy without supplements and "diet food." I wanted this to be a lifestyle.

Salad made me sick.

It's true, I can't get what I need with salad. I have done a lot of reading about diet, nutrition and looked at various diets. My Kindle has 60 or more books on diets, homeopathic remedies, and some interesting body chemistry studies done on at least three or four humans.

The Alkaline Diet: I completely ruined my streak with Alka-Seltzer. I previously practiced the 60s version. I took acid at a Stones concert. The 70s version was the Alky Diet. We did that at the 21 Club in college.

The North Beach Diet or Maine Diet: Consisting of primarily of snow and seaweed, but high in sodium. In phase 2 you can eat lobster.

Craig's Diet: The Jenny Craig diet on Craigslist for half price; sort of like Ikea furniture.

The Red Pepper Diet: Simply add one heaping tablespoon of cayenne red pepper to an 8oz glass of 2% milk. High in protein. Add your favorite berries for a your daily requirement of antioxidants.

Slakins: This is pretty much sitting on the couch wishing you were thin.

Vegetarian Diet: This diet is filled with fruits, veggies and wannabe hamburgers! A balanced diet in which you avoid eating animal crackers.

5-Bite-Diet: Seriously? You can technically cheat by drinking wine or beer by the gallon.

Raw Food Diet: This is the one for people that hate to cook! Warning, consuming raw chicken and pork is not recommended, but do let us know how it goes. If you take your chances with pork and chicken, you call it a cleanse.

Slim Quick: Lots of reports on this one being out there, but no one claiming any results. ;)

The Blood Type Diet: This is more of an execise routine called Ice Hockey.

The System: Lose weight while eating lots of sodium from cardboard boxes as you wear a cut-off flannel shirt. If you call now. we'll double the sodium and throw in an extra flannel shirt for free + shipping and handling.

The Junk Food Diet: For real, some guy lost 27 pounds only eating Twinkies, Ho Ho's and Doritos.

The Ornery Diet: No meat, fish or alcohol and lots of fiber! No wonder the guy is ornery, he probably spends a lot of time stone cold sober, reading in the "library."

The Bone Diet: My dog lost about 2 pounds in one day on this one. He sure did seem happy to eat the dry food after that experiment.

The Eagle Diet: You can eat anything that you can catch and hold with your feet. Consists primarily of fresh uncooked fish.

The Zigzag Diet: Requires 4 or more alcoholic beverages before walking home from the Sports Bar.

The Pale-E-O Diet: You stay out the sun drinking mimosas and singing Old MacDonald.

I didn't mention the Pale Diet because it is simply avoiding the sun while hanging out on the Internet in your mother's basement.

Need more? Here is another list supplied by my friend CessnaHolly: Seared Ostrich

All kidding aside, isn't it time we just stuck to the basics of counting calories, eating a balanced diet of healthy foods, and getting proper exercise?

Thanks for your votes and comments, you guys are amazing!

Friend me at your own risk!

84 votes + -

14 comments:

lesleyloo7879 wrote 73 months ago:
LOL OMG I love this!!!! Thank you for the laugh!
Tama072015 wrote 73 months ago:
Laughing so hard I am crying!!
swat1948 wrote 73 months ago:
My husband was a fan of the "Drinking Man's Diet". No eating, only drinking beer. It didn't work. LOL
Mardill wrote 73 months ago:
I loved this! Thanks for the humour! I remember The Grapefruit Diet. You could eat anything as long as you ate a half grapefruit beforehand! Another version was to eat only grapefruit & cottage cheese.
Enchantd1 wrote 73 months ago:
You rock! Just sayin' I love reading your blog posts :)
Wysewoman53 wrote 73 months ago:
Best one yet...full of humor and an enjoyable read!
nuffer wrote 73 months ago:
Nicely done, sir. Laughing noises were noted numerous times while reading.

I was a fan of the Undergrad Diet: all you could eat, as long as it was Top Ramen consumed out of the pot while standing over the sink.
wheezeybouncer wrote 73 months ago:
can't.breathe.laughing too hard. love reading your blog posts!
FitGirl_Running wrote 73 months ago:
Eat a balanced diet and get enough exercise. Period. Dare I suggest to stop counting calories, considering this is a site for, well, counting calories? I dare. I've gotten to my goal counting calories on MFP more than once, twice to be exact, and the weight I lost wasn't chump change. 40 pounds, which is a lot for someone 5'1". I've gained it all back AGAIN. I never maintain my losses, but the little voice inside my gut told me it had something to do with counting calories and dieting in general so I followed that voice. Seems you like to read a lot. Me too. Intuitive Eating - A Revolutionary Program that Works by Resch and Tribole and The Slow Down Diet by Marc David are a good start. I don't believe that every concept in every book works, so by reading a lot and using what makes sense to me, I'm finally breaking free. Not feeling contolled and obsessed by food has been liberating. Losing weight without counting calories, even more so.
Hiro_Protagonist wrote 73 months ago:
Anyone told you that you look like Max Headroom?
dsjohndrow wrote 73 months ago:
Nope. Usually James Woods.
Harleygirl2014 wrote 73 months ago:
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for the laugh. I sure needed it. You rock!
Pattycake755 wrote 73 months ago:
This is so good! So funny! I was on the "Slakins" diet for many years--sitting on the couch wishing I had different genes where I could consume all the food I wanted and never gain a pound! LOL
mikichrisman wrote 73 months ago:
Keeping it real, thanks.

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