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Please Quiet the Heck Down, I am Exercising!

Gym goers are often annoying, and on occasion I would like to say, "Have a nice cup of shut the FRONT door!" If you are serious about losing weight, you've probably gone to a gym, or possibly thought about joining one.

It's unforntuate that you can't go when it is empty.

Maybe it's just too damn hot at 3 am to run outside. Although most people have an iPod and mind their own business, there are still those that insist on old fashioned communication: mindless gum flapping. The problem is that they think they are the only ones in the whole place. Evidently, they need more strenuous workouts. Then we have trainers, some of which aren't always the brightest bulb in the marquee.
Here are some things I have overheard; many of which, I wish I didn't!

"How do you turn this thing onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..."

"I am taking it easy, I don't want to lose my boobs."

"I was wondering if I could bum a pair of headphones?" (Creepy man to cute girl.)

"I just completed a marathon. CSI, yeah, I love Gil Grissom." (I think this was a pickup line!)

"Can I adjust your heart rate monitor, it looks a little low?" (I didn't dear look over my shoulder!)

"No kidding, you did that without human growth hormones?"

"Those are huge!"

"Pssst - Just because you have headphones on doesn't mean that people can't hear you fart."

"I am using the new video treadmill program but I don't like these people on the path, they slow me down."

"I want to be in the back row so no one will look at me."

"I am not drooling; I forgot the cap to my water bottle."

"I think my arms are swollen."

"I know that all the other treadmills are empty, but this one has the best view."

"I didn't spit in the drinking fountain, I threw up."

From the classes with trainers:
"Now ladies lay on your backs."

"My trainer hates me, I don't groan, I scream."

"Now class, pick up your balls."

"For the next excruciating minute..."

"This is a kettle bell; no it doesn't ring, but if you drop it on your foot…"

"I swear invisible jump rope is harder than the real thing."

"Gentleman, these are treadmills, let's get it up."

"I swear if that guy cracks a pose in front of the mirror one more time, I am going to throw a dumbbell at him!"

"Get off the floor, we are just getting started!"

Thanks in advance for the comments and votes, you guys are awesome! (And it is directly tied to my self esteem barometer.)

Friend me if you dare.

73 votes + -


Scoochie1 wrote 73 months ago:
If you think any of those comments are moronic, you should come work in my office for a day.
I'm collecting overhead brainfarts and one day I'll write a book .... (you can give me tips!)
PlantBasedRnr wrote 73 months ago:
I don't know why in this day and age any of this surprises my but it does... I can't believe the things that come out of peoples mouths! I would like to say though that while YES, I do wish some people would shut up and do their thing... it would be nice if people would simply nod and acknowledge your presence sometimes. I mainly run/ride on the road ( as opposed to a gym ) and nothing pisses me off more than passing another runner/biker and nodding or giving a simple wave and they act like they don't see you.

Again - another great post!
lesleyloo7879 wrote 73 months ago:
HAHAHAHAHA that just so made my day
marlown wrote 73 months ago:
LOL. I am smiling out loud at work:). And I personally HATE hearing a bunch of gum flapping while I'm sweating my a-- off. I will move away from some conversations, but sometimes there is nowhere to go. My gym has more people socializing, standing around, and posing in front of mirrors than it has sweat-dripping, out-of breath, serious exercisers. Thanks for sharing! You are awesome!
TenaciousTurtle44 wrote 73 months ago:
I was thinking of joining a gym again but now I remember why I like the quiet serenity of my basement workouts. I can even workout in my pajamas if I want. Amazing the weird things you hear at the gym. Thanks for sharing. Always a good read
alucard2010 wrote 73 months ago:
Thats why I work out at home!! Cheaper too!!!
cortegalv wrote 73 months ago:
My favorite is the woman that walks on a treadmill talking loudly on her telephone/headphone. Everyone in the gym gets to listen to her criticize and complain about every person in her life from her husband to her boss to her best friend. Maybe it increases calorie burn to bitch while you workout?
MonicaA2013 wrote 73 months ago:
I have never gone to a gym BUT THOSE are HILARIOUS AND disgusting at the same time !!
Anniepi66 wrote 73 months ago:
Very funny! You sound exactly like my nephew!! He is forever posting of FB things he sees/hears in the gym and many have been what you just posted. He usually ends with something like: "My God, it's a gym! Not a social club. Exercise, for gosh sakes, quit yammering!" :)
I am a retired court reporter. I have heard some of the weirdest things said in court or depositions or meetings. Saved some of them, just too funny. There is actually a book written entitled "Order in the Court," I believe, with many very, very funny things said in legal proceedings.
With your permission, I would love to copy and paste this gym-related post to my nephew's FB. He would love it!
pikselinka wrote 73 months ago:
I dropped gym for home workouts years ago, never looked back and been happier.
dsjohndrow wrote 73 months ago:
Annie, you can post a link to this blog. :)
steelbreeze wrote 73 months ago:
lol, I thought you were going to comment on the grunting. We have a bloke who grunts. Every. Time. He. Lifts. A. Weight. I keep wondering if he's working out, or having sex (as he's often where I can't see him).

It's the smombies on their smartphones, hogging the equipment and not working out that get me. You wanna play with your 'phone, get out of my way dammit! =)
ThatLoudRedhead wrote 73 months ago:
These are great! "For the next excruciating minute..." Ha ha ha!

Thanks for the laugh this morning!
sugarfreejudy wrote 72 months ago:
Exercise Re-Programs Your Body's Chemistry and causes a surge of chemical messengers in the makes people happy. Happy people can be loud. I'd just bring a good set of earplugs or headphones to drown out the happy.
Anniepi66 wrote 72 months ago:
izzybelle2013 - my thoughts exactly! So loud sometimes I can barely hear myself think! The instructor has gotten to the point of gathering us non-talkers into one group and the talkers in another and just let them gab away! She gave up trying to get them shut up!! Since they are older women mostly, it's difficult to get them to take instructions from a young woman. I think they come only for the chatter!!!
Anniepi66 wrote 72 months ago:
Thank you, DS.
littledante wrote 72 months ago:
I agree with this... there is a group of young lads at my gym that are so loud and they are always continually swearing. So unpleasant when you are trying to focus - or worse if the gym is one your chance to zone out and have "me" time.
Thank you for your blog.
runlikeananna wrote 72 months ago:
I don't care what people say at the gym. What irks me is the ones sitting on machines on their phones. Grrr.
Stringer10 wrote 72 months ago:
Just this morning the resident loud mouth at my gym was sharing way too intimate details of girlfriend's anatomy at top volume. I know way too much about this man's life just from his gym solioquies!
JeffseekingV wrote 72 months ago:
Earbuds and your favorite Amazon music channel. Problem solved
CatchMom11 wrote 72 months ago:
And this would be why I prefer to workout at 4a. If I can't, I literally walk into the gym with ear buds already in so no one talks to me. I will say hi and acknowledge people I know, but they too know the drill and practice this method as well, so a simple head-nod is sufficient.
kirsten11872 wrote 72 months ago:
I agree completely! I was on the eliptical machine and the man a few machines away from me didn't shut-up the entire time he was on it. I had my headphones in but could still hear him talking this poor girl's ear off. I was so happy when he finally got off!!!!
joalelba wrote 72 months ago:
Yep - been there. There is a particularly a group of older gentlemen who show up in the early mornings and greet each other with things like :

" Bob! Hey Bobster! Hey Bobby! Hows it going Bob? Bob your it! Looking good Bob!". This is repeated for every friend they see, goes on for about 20 min. I am sure they feel its funny, but its really annoying- Good grief!

I always take my ipod/ headphones and try to time when they aren't likely to be there.
Cynthiamr2015 wrote 72 months ago:
wow! I am crying here with laughter. I am sorry if this offends anyone but what you wrote is so funny. I am laughing to the point where I have tear. Thank you so much for this very good post, of what is said in the gym. It is soooooo true and NO I am not one of them! Have a great day! please write more.
agbmom556 wrote 72 months ago:
love it :o)
joycemathison1975 wrote 72 months ago:
I love this!
jerseygene wrote 72 months ago:
This is why i wear headphones i don't have to listen to anything i don't want to.
JustLindaLou wrote 72 months ago:
The gym I belonged to in AZ had an upper level that was "for ladies only," I guess so we didn't have to feel as self-conscious as we would if God forbid men were watching us... The cardio machines overlooked the co-ed lower level where all the machines and free weights were. It was entertaining as hell, especially the sorta buff dude who for the entire 45 minutes I was on the treadmill, did not lift a single weight, but walked around and around, chugging his gallon jug of water, checking himself out in the mirror, and making banal comments to the extremely fit chick who was probably bench pressing twice what Dude could.
Hiro_Protagonist wrote 72 months ago:
OMG!random snippets from conversations you overheard in a gym about well gym stuff. *gasp* Who'd a thunk it?

Inane conversation, idiots, ignorance etc are not confined to the gym...these types are everywhere.

My opinion is maybe you "stay in your own lane" as it were; focus on your own workout and be less concerned about others around you, particularly their conversations.

If you can't stand the "mindless gum flapping" maybe buy headphones or workout at home.

Honestly your blog (observations with attempts at levity) just perpetuates stereotypes and misconceptions that gym goers are generally loud, obnoxious and stupid to a degree and gyms are unwelcoming.
shanlucijames786 wrote 72 months ago:
I hate when people talk too much during an exercise class…I’m thinking “SHUT UP!” I am trying to focus…
libbynj wrote 72 months ago:
I used to workout in in gym with all kinds of great equipment. I would be minding my own business on the treadmill, no music or headphones. Just mindlessly moving along. I always ended up with a lunk head next to me on the stair stepper machine who had to grunt on every step. Really? And in about 10 minutes the sweat would be flying on me and all around his machine. So gross. I usually could't stomach it and would end my time on the treadmill and find some other machine to work on. It was so annoying. Sigh.[OK, I will say it. I wish all my problems where like this.]
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