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Pathetic Running Crap

There are a lot MFP-ers that either run, or want to run. Just do a search for "C25K" in the forums; there are millions of entries - well not as many as "Do I Eat My Exercise Calories or Not" - but close. Some of them have made it to Urban Dictionary. (These are from my first book, ICU to Marathon)

If you have not been a runner, or you are new to it, here is some runner's jargon you might find helpful.

Aerobic: So out of breath that you wish you were dead.
Anaerobic: Aerobic's kid sister.
Bathroom: these are usually port-a-potties - with the emphasis on potty! Bring your own hand sanitizer and possibly a tazer.
Chip: 1. Made of chocolate and the reason you need MFP. 2. Embedded in your number by big brother and the race officials.
Chip Time: The time your chip crossed the finish line. If it is on your person, it's good. If it's in an ambulance it's not so good.
Cool Down: Sudden drop in temperature after guzzling a cold beer or other suitable beverage after a race.
Dedication: To much fiber the day before a race.
DNF: Did Not Finish. Better than DNS: Did Not Start.
DFL: Dead freaking last, Better than a lot of things - well not cookies.
Drafting: Beer after the race
Elite Runner: Not part of MFP.
Fartlek: A winning strategy when others are drafting you.
Gun Time: When some asks you, "How far was this marathon?!"
Hitting the Wall: Mad because you can't find your running shoes.
Intervals: Taking turns watching the kids.
Jog: Remembering your name at the registration table.
Negative Splits: Wearing embarrassingly tight clothing.
Pace: The speed at which you actually can run.
Passing: For gas, mile/kilometer markers and other runners. Mostly good.
Pick-Ups:  Asking for phone numbers and Facebook names at the start line.
Pronation: Patriotism.
Race: The obligation to do what you think you can't.
Runner's High: Better than sex. If you run, you know.
Safety Pins: Not as safe as they claim to be, but used for attaching numbers.
Sneakers: Cheap running shoes.
Stinky Feet: Stinky feet.
Supination: 'Merica 
Target Heart Rate: Anything greater than let's say 10 beats per hour.
Toebox: What they put your toes in after they are cremated.
Walking: Plum tuckered out.
Wall (The): A place where wailing happens a lot.
Winning: What Charlie Sheen thinks he does.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

For real definitions, check out this glossay at 


72 votes + -


luluinca wrote 68 months ago:
I love all of these........thanks! I enjoyed the laugh this morning! Hope you're staying strong.
kendallvon wrote 68 months ago:
The ones I understood gave me a chuckle. Guess it's pretty obvious that I am not a runner. Thanks for the laugh.
TenaciousTurtle44 wrote 68 months ago:
I love these and never get tired of reading them. Good thing I have your book. Thanks for the morning laugh
nano_monkey wrote 68 months ago:
Elite Runner: Not part of MFP. LOL! ? ? ? ? Love this (very non, non elite runner here!)
aldith1 wrote 68 months ago:
Love these
2run2ski wrote 68 months ago:
All of them are good --- some of them, though, warrant a milk-up-your-nose snort! Elite runner is my fav! :)
nuffer wrote 68 months ago:
I last ran for real distance in 1980 and this made me actually emit laughter. I cannot run but really enjoy your running posts.
kristikitter wrote 68 months ago:
Negative Splits: Wearing embarrassingly tight clothing.

Ahahaha I love this list, I've got tears in my eyes.
kristikitter wrote 68 months ago:
Negative Splits: Wearing embarrassingly tight clothing.

Ahahaha I love this list, I've got tears in my eyes.
KelBgess wrote 68 months ago:
Lmfaoooo thanks for the fun read.
farmboyphotography wrote 68 months ago:
Funny stuff! Too much truth in there. Maybe that is why it is funny... well, sometimes. Ha ha.
Hearts_2015 wrote 68 months ago:
thumbs up for another humorous blog post (excerpt from your book)! :O)
piscesy2k wrote 68 months ago:
Awesome explanations!! :)
jenilla1 wrote 68 months ago:
For Realz!
jack90104506 wrote 68 months ago:
So much win in one post :-D
Indygirl_81 wrote 68 months ago:
Love it!
heybales wrote 68 months ago:
I haven't seen a good "you know you're a runner when ...." compilation in a long time. I look to the master to bring it back. Uh, yeah, that's reference to you.

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