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One More Reason I Hate Running

Today was the run from hell. I got up, drank coffee, unboxed a new pair of running shoes, pulled the rest of my gear together, completed the election cycle, put my drinks and food in the car and hit the road to meet my run bud about 30 minutes away.

It was 79 degrees and 93% humidity.

I had to pee so I ran into McDonalds to use the restroom. They were cleaning the bathrooms. It was the first time this decade probably, so that took their time, making me a little late.

Bud and me finally meet up at the entrance to the bike trail. I Glide up, slather on sunscreen, tape my nipples, put on my Roo filled with GUs, retie my shoes, and reach to fill my water bottles. WTF are my water bottles? Apparently I left them on the roof of the car in the driveway. Fine, I hate the damn things anyway! I am tough, I don't need water anyway.

We decide to do some drive-byes and hydrate that way. 2 miles east, 2 miles west, get a drink, 2 miles west, 2 miles east - this is effing stupid. I decide to carry the 20 ounce bottle of Gatorade in my hand... This really sucks! So I run 5 miles and set it on the ground. My arm is numb and my Achilles is killing me; all from holding the bottle. We do a few more miles and head back. I grab that bottle and drink the rest, get GU and all then.... We pass a very good looking woman with large breasts. I say hello and she gives me the "I didn't notice you" look off to the woods as she remains emotionless.

My run bud is like, 'What's up with that, doesn't she know you are a famous author?"

We do 15 miles or something like that. At the car, I realized I somehow shut off my phone app and only recorded 12. The skin on my chest is on fire and so are my nipples. The tape is somewhere in my compression shorts! Screw it, I just want to towel off and put on a dry shirt, have a bagel and go home. Apparently my towel and dry shirt were with the water bottles I don't need or want any longer. My Achilles is killing me, and well, that is why I love running.

A preview of David's newest book about pathtic runners.

65 votes + -


angieroo2 wrote 94 months ago:
At least you had the bagel.
suttercm wrote 94 months ago:
Oh my! Talk about a run gone bad!
missemmapeel wrote 94 months ago:
This sounds like my every day! Love that you love running through all the annoyances of putting your body through a pointless ordeal.
SrMaggalicious wrote 94 months ago:
now my nipples hurt...thanks
stoeny wrote 94 months ago:
Lol, uff da, sounds like you had a rough one !
JoelleAnn78 wrote 94 months ago:
Awesome. This is a great example of why people think we (runners) are insane. Cuz, inevitably, we all have runs like this, and we ALL go back out again and again. Seriously -- why do we do it? I dunno, but this made me want to go for a run! :D
bidimus wrote 94 months ago:
I'm unclear about this. It sounds to me like you hate bloody nipples, dehydration, pretty girls that ignore you, and a myriad of other sucky circumstances. Running can be a b*** at times but remember she loves you. :) Good job not letting the universe get you down.
KayakAngel wrote 94 months ago:
If you're writing a book about pathetic runners, I deserve a chapter. Same if you're writing about emotionless, bouncy running bitches. Way to get the miles in. :)
plumsparkle wrote 94 months ago:
This made me lol!! Im a very beginner runner, but somehow, this made me want to be able to run more! Thank yu :)
Flacachica wrote 94 months ago:
This reminds me of that book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". LOL
auntiemsgr8 wrote 94 months ago:
I don't get how holding the Gatorade bottle bothered your Achilles. Unless you are a rare bird and have one in your hand/arm.

This does sound like a really bad start to your day. Hope the rest wasn't as bad.
azbound13 wrote 94 months ago:
Awesome!! You still got it in no matter what.
odditblue wrote 94 months ago:
At least you CAN run. Grrrrrr
meshashesha2012 wrote 94 months ago:
Oh man that sucks but this was funny :-) Consider me subscribed . Hope your next run is better
Snip8241 wrote 94 months ago:
Lol....very funny but it sounds very painful.
trainguy917 wrote 94 months ago:
Maybe I'm the only person who's clueless, but you lost me on "the election cycle." What the heck does that mean?
coreywilson82 wrote 94 months ago:
hilarious lol but you got the job done
RUNNING_AMOK_1958 wrote 94 months ago:
Nipple tape in your compression shorts? Sounds like your junk may have ended up with the protection. My new running shoes are due to arrive Friday. I'll be thinking about this before I run in them!
dj1skywalker wrote 94 months ago:
Love This! Lets us know we aren't the only ones having as much fun!!! xx
dsjohndrow wrote 94 months ago:
Election cycle = bathroom (from the book: ICU to Marathon)
rdennisjr wrote 94 months ago:
I'd acuse you of plagerism, but I never even had the pretty girl run by....good survival run and great blog!
rdennisjr wrote 94 months ago:
I'd acuse you of plagerism, but I never even had the pretty girl run by....good survival run and great blog!
trm68 wrote 94 months ago:
I did run some along time ago. I was under the impression that walking is best over the long haul, no knee and hip replacement stuff. But if running is your thing, why not..............
Sdennis817 wrote 94 months ago:
Say it ain't so! Not a bagel!! ROFL.
SASSYnCHICago wrote 94 months ago:
Sorry I dont look up :)

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