New is the New Old Thing

Posted on 9/22/2020 by dsjohndrow

Today I am back in the hospital for round 2 of my cisternogram - then 2 more days to go. I haven't given up and I am allowed to run 72 hours from Monday morning at 9 am. So let's see - Tuesday, Wednesday - right Thursday at 9 am!

The lumbar puncture has made my headache go from brutal to near horrific. :(

I have medication for that, so we move forward and live life as best we can. I am still dreaming of a future with less pain. I am still dreaming about all the things left to do in life. I am going to visit all my kids between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I missed them last year. Covid ruined most of those plans this year - but I am going. I don't feel like traveling. I also don't feel like a lot of things. The benefit is I get to be with the people I love.

Living life!

I am learning that what I think matters a lot. The conversations I have with myself have always needed to change. This isn't completly new, it is just that I gave myself permission to speak to myself like some sort of jerk who just cut me off in traffic.

Add to that a disability and it can spiral down quickly.

Today I am back to turning things around. In weight loss, in running, and in life. I am taking care of my body as best as I can. I am taking care of my soul. I am taking care of my spirit.

It all begins with what I think and the little actions I take.

I have a new running goal. I have a new life goal. They are not like anything I had before. The pit of indecision, that was the same.

- Think fitness, not weight loss.

- Think inches, not pounds.

- Think about what you are doing right.

- Think about adding new things, not subtracting them.

- What can I replace instead of what can I hold on to?

- What I can I schedule to make this work?

- What is a step I can take today?

- How can I reward my success instead of sabotaging my progress?

- Can I confess my failure without judgement?

- Who is a cheerleader that believes in you?

- Stay away from bad influences! (or shoot them!)

- Do it for yourself.

- Set goals. This is tough one. What is a good and achievable goal? What if you don't make it?

- Change your goals if you need to.

- Get enough friends so you enjoy your journey.

- Read success stories!

- Don't give up! Ever.

12 votes + -

4 comments:

solieco1 wrote 1 month ago:

I so wish for you healing and peace a joy. This journey you’ve been on is such a hard one. The continued strength, yes strength, with which you face it is incredible. Of all the funny and serious lists you’ve blogged about, this is the best. It’s one we all should adopt. There’s kindness and love of self and others in there. There’s strength and looking forward, There’s reality of current circumstances and dreaming (with real plans) of future glory. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as always.

kendallvon wrote 1 month ago:

From one disabled person to another, please treat yourself with kindness. You need to heal. Lumbar punctures are never fun-- I've had far too many-- and the headaches are excruciating. Run if you can, when you can. I understand the drive to keep moving ( after all I go for 2 walks/day with my walker), but you need to temper that with self-love. Like the above poster, my wish for you is healing, patience, and much joy. ((Hugs))

clarity8796 wrote 1 month ago:

Love this post! Words are so incredibly important and many of us need to consider whether we would speak to a friend the way that we talk to ourselves.

debk0718 wrote 1 month ago:

Praying you find relief from the headaches. Many of us need to treat ourselves better. I can attest, I am my own worst critic and enemy. Much of the stress I feel daily is self inflicted. Never feeling good enough, or enough in general. Take care of yourself and may you find a way to heal your inner self. As always, thank you for sharing your journey.

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Diaries of a Nearly Dead Man

New is the New Old Thing

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