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Life on Purpose - Thoughts on Day 1034

Some days I don't really know about life. I have taken a few hits in the last couple of years. Four of five days ago I made it to my third anniversary of the day I suffered congestive heart failure. It's a big deal. You know it took a year to complete Couch to 5K.

Some of you know that I have cancer and I am working through the treatment options visiting different doctors. Cancer sucks.

I lost a whole day worrying about that. :( Then I decided to live. I got back on track with my logging which I was slacking on. My insurance provides a health coach, so I got one. I have a plan with goals and it includes logging daily on MFP.

I am back on track. I still want to lose these last few stubborn pounds!

If I were to make a list of the crap that has gone down in the last few years I would probably shoot myself before I finished writing it. But I am focusing on my progress not my history. I have lost almost 80 pounds and went from a wheezing-fat-old-guy to a slimmer, fitter runner who can knock out a marathon on any given weekend.

How does one live with cancer? You live life on purpose.

You plan to do things you were putting off, and put off things you were planning. You say I love you more and get a second goodbye kiss. You look up friends you haven't seen in a while. You shut out the people that minimize your feelings by saying, "It's early, at least you won't die.", "My dad had that an he was fine." or "My uncle had that an he died."

When surgery has the potential to reduce your quality of life instead of make it better, it's not and easy option to choose.

As surgery number 7 is on the horizon, I am not thrilled - not even close. It's not like my knee surgery or heart surgery which made my life better. It's not the same.

As a runner I have overcome a lot. Most of it was mental. I just didn't think I could do anything. I even had medication and doctors opinions to bolster my excuses. I found a hundred reasons to quit, and only one to help me succeed: a better life. How I feel at the end of a run is the only reward I have. It's not the bling, the cheering, the personal accomplishments, no it's how I feel.

I remember 2 years ago when a 5K was about as daunting a run as I ever thought I could face. I ran it. In less than 2 weeks I will be taking my stupid tumor to the starting line of the Boston Marathon. I really can't wait!

For today, I am logging, flossing my teeth, engaging my family, working, praying and living in the moment. Tomorrow may never come, and I don't know if I've "got this". I don't know if I will win against the Big-C or not. I just know that I am looking forward to hugging my kid, catching a little sunshine, making a co-worked smile, and letting the things of God swirl around in my spirit.

In the mean time, I have signed up for races through until September and I plan on being there.

138 votes + -

24 comments:

katrwal wrote 92 months ago:
hugs and worshipping from the midwest, my friend.
goodasgoldilox165 wrote 92 months ago:
Making cancer run - this is not the treatment it expects!
I knew it - the new book is looking good already.

Job's cancer comforters:
The people who greet you mournfully- on a daily basis - as if you are already dead

The ones who know someone who had it much worse. (At some point they will tell you that you are lucky)

The ones who manage to suggest it is all your fault by giving good advice about your lifestyle - especially diet and exercise!
Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote 92 months ago:
David, you make me smile and break my heart.....but mostly you make me proud....with all your positivity. You will win this! Prayers and Hugs!!
Leahbcc wrote 92 months ago:
Kick it the A$$ David
kelleyannutt73 wrote 92 months ago:
Your blog is amazing and reminds me that I am living with purpose and not just to live! Thank you for sharing and I wish I knew you!!
Mustangsally1000 wrote 92 months ago:
Good blog. Life is what you make it, and you my friend have what it takes to make it very good indeed. Extra prayers for you and your family...
andielyn wrote 92 months ago:
Wow, what a powerful and inspirational post! I admire your courage, attitude and priorities. Having taken many, many hits in life with the health of my daughter from day 1 (she's now 25), I can tell you that you have the right outlook and value the right things. There are never any guarantees in life, whether you realize you are up against a wall or whether life has been a bump-free breeze. Things can change any moment, any day.
judy20in2011 wrote 92 months ago:
I am not sure what to say except thank you. Life isn't easy, thank you for showing up.. very inspirational.
Denjo060 wrote 92 months ago:
Thanks for sharing David Stay Strong God Bless you and your family Im prayiing for all of you Keep On Running my friend !!!
Tonigirl519 wrote 92 months ago:
Cheering for you on April 21 and in every step until....thats all we can do right. Keep a stepping and smell the roses. ..
jemimasmum wrote 92 months ago:
Thank you. I will think of you often and especially on 21st.
Sending love and light.
Rachel
Colombianchick29 wrote 92 months ago:
WOW. you are a very inspiring person. You're a fighter. Keep fighting! Thanks for teaching us a thing or 2 about LIVING. We all forget to LIVE. Than you for sharing. God bless you and your family.
Shell_7609 wrote 92 months ago:
Sending hugs & prayers your way. Someone gave me this when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer & I keep it on my desk to remind me.....

What Cancer Cannot Do"

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
jmnicholas wrote 92 months ago:
God bless you David. Thank you for putting your thoughts down for us to read, and be inspired by. Still praying. J.
TiffanyBlue805 wrote 92 months ago:
Thank you for your post. Your talking about making a conscious choice to live, and live with purpose, truly inspired me.
Before the pain of my condition became absolutely unbearable, I was a runner, like you. I really do miss it, and the feelings of happiness and strength that it gave me. Thanks to you, I will be doing my best to suck it up, push through the pain, and start up C25K again. After all, *living* is what life's all about. And there's at least one more marathon in me that's dying to be let out. :)
I wish you all the best. With your faith and resolve, I am sure you have a tremendous chance of kicking "the Big-C's" butt! Go get 'em in Boston!!
MaryRegs wrote 92 months ago:
You are my hero. Plain and simple...now go and kick cancer to the curb because dammit David, I need you HERE
grlaurie wrote 92 months ago:
Carpe Diem is the absolute best way to deal with cancer, seems like you already have this!! Best Best to you!!
Hoppymom wrote 92 months ago:
I imagine what you are going through must just take your breath away and knock you back some. You've pushed through that before. Yes, your challenge is different this time but your skills are the same. Strength, courage, stick-to-it-iveness, and a wicked good sense of humor haven't changed. You have touched so many lives with your writing and your witness; you make a difference. Hugs and prayers for your life, health, and the Boston Marathon. I can't wait to hear that story.
MzOnree wrote 92 months ago:
I used to jog. I now must lose weight before I can start jogging again. Your so right about the feeling after a run. There is no better feeling than that. It's a feeling that is really hard to describe...but it's awesome! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm going to read more of your blogs when I get a chance. I looked at your profile and you have been through so many challenges. I love your energy and attitude. Keep on rocking and I wish you fun times at the Boston Marathon. I will be watching for your future posts. I would like to add...you write beautifully!
jeansuza wrote 92 months ago:
I admire your spirit. Be as happy as you can and celebrate every little moment of peace and joy. You are a winner!
cactuscallie wrote 92 months ago:
Great philosophy. Thanks for sharing with us!
focused4health wrote 92 months ago:

Some Personal Fitness Stories (With a Sense of Humor) Bookmark Me!

Consider it bookmarked! Just when I was starting to feel sorry for myself for my choices in life I come across such an inspiring person. Go and run..run Forrest run.
Melissaanne417 wrote 92 months ago:
Hi there. Thank you for sharing your AWESOME story with us. I have fibromyalgia and CFS and I have been doing tons of research on how to reverse this disease. A great friend of mine gave me a book called The Gerson Therapy. Gerson Therapy was developed by Charlotte Gerson and has been proven to kill Cancer cells and treat over 52 other diseases. Just thought I would share it with you. You can Google Gerson Therapy or The Gerson Institute for more information. I am praying for complete healing for you. <3 Melissa

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