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I Need Help

I was listening to a recovering drug addict on the radio this morning. He said asking for help was the hardest thing he ever did. "It changed my life for the better." he said.

My life has been dotted with spiritual interventions. I asked for help a few times.

I don't know about you, but I've made a lot of bad choices. Some of them seemed so innocent at the time. You know, having the third beer before driving home, or loading up my plate for the third time when I was already obese. Sure there were the obvious bad decisions like quitting a good job thinking that this new one was going to fix my career path and continuing to date psycho Sally in high school.

She still haunts me 40 years later.

Three years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer (the first of five times), I decided, instead of having a major surgery, to let the doctors actively watch my tumor. This included blood tests, physical exams (where you get to be #1 with the doctor for a few minutes) and surgical biopsies. I hope I've made the right decision - quality over quantity.

I had another biopsy last Friday.

I hate them, they are messy, and they hurt like holy hell. However; I had to agree with the surgeon, six of these is better than one of those. I have been moving slowly for a few days, sore, and taking it easy so the bleeding stops. My experience is that it can take a week or two.

So what do I need help with?

Everything. I need help staying on track with the food. I need help managing my emotional state as I wait for the results to come back in a week or so. I need to stay focused on working so I can take care of my fiscal responsibilities.

Mostly I want to lay down on the couch and eat bonbons until all this goes away.

Running is my happy place and I can't go there this week. I have a 10K race this coming Sunday and I will take a shot at finishing.
 
I constantly tell myself I am doing OK with the food, but the scale isn't moving and I am up 15 pounds. I have been eating the same stuff for years, just too much of it I guess. I changed the battery in my food scale. I am on it again. Today is 2145 days that I have been logging in...

I should have learned something by now.

So tell me, what do I need to do to stay on track?

88 votes + -

36 comments:

suttercm wrote 62 months ago:
My first thought was meditation. If you find some inner peace the rest will follow.

Unfortunately the obesity beast never rests. No matter what we have lost or how long its been gone, the beast is still there, waiting for any chink in our armor. So, suit up mister, the battle rages on. You can do this! We are all here for you.
KrysGettinFit wrote 62 months ago:
Meditation is huge for me, it helps a lot when I am feeling my worst. You've got this, you're an amazing inspiration to others so let others be an inspiration to you as well and let them lift you up when you aren't feeling it.
UncleMac wrote 62 months ago:
I wish I had the right answer but it seems like weight is as individual. What helps one person to lose will cause another to gain. It doesn't seem to make sense.

The one consistent theme of successful weight loss is changing your relationship with food. Unlike most pernicious behaviours, you can't quit eating. Feel free to insert your favourite cold turkey joke. So the fact that you have an established pattern that works, great... if you aren't happy with the pattern, rather than throwing it out, evolve it. Make one small change.

For example, I found a breakfast combo that I like... but it was slightly too many calories. So I went from two pieces of toast to one piece. Everything else remained unchanged.
AnjieBart wrote 62 months ago:
Personally, I've found that eating more often helps me out quite a bit. Instead of snacking all day long, then eating lunch, snacking, then going home and eating dinner, I eat several small "meals" during the day. I'll have 1/2 a shake in the morning, a snack 2 hours later (like a salad, bag of steamed veggies, or 1 cup of soup) the other half of my shake, then another snack before I head home. At home, I try to make a lighter dinner and we eat around 630. I do this on purpose so I can have a snack (a bowl of cereal usually) around 830 before bed at 10.

Physics has helped me out a TON, as well. Just remember, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. As long as you're moving, you're in the right direction.

Keep up the great work - you didn't come this far for no reason, and lessons don't fall on your head like coconuts. Maybe you've just learned so smoothly it isn't immediately obvious.
kdavid1987 wrote 62 months ago:
All the hugs from me. Please give yourself credit for your accomplishments, and please give yourself the gift of optimism about getting back on track. Your writing really inspires me and I always look forward to a post. Take care of yourself mentally too and don't be afraid to lean on others in your time of need. It's a privilege to be able to help the ones you love, so let them enjoy the privilege :)
tamekac80 wrote 62 months ago:
You're truth is inspiring. You're will power is and strength is so much more. I hope the biopsy comes out fine and I hope whatever the outcome is, that you push forward and keep enjoying life. Keep running friend. Hugs and kisses from a caring stranger in Texas.
babbyb1 wrote 62 months ago:
Reaching out to your friends to help you shoulder the burden and having them (along with yourself) bombard heaven on your behalf is the best thing that you can do now. Staying busy, so that the days pass quickly and don't just drag on. Those things you can do.

Know that you are a daily inspiration to me. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you are in waiting limbo yet again.

Don't push too much physically so that you CAN help up quickly.

Hang in there!

Annie
runningforthetrain wrote 62 months ago:
I had an awful day today. And though my problems are not comparable to your current health situation, I need help too. It is a positive thing that you ask for it. I went and spilled my guts to my friend tonight, and I feel better. Your writing has been inspirational as well as entertaining on quite a few occasions here. You make me laugh often with your blog-- and we all need to laugh once in a while-- in this effed up world. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers sent your way. When I am feeling overwhelmed I remind myself I can literally only do one thing at a time. I prioritize and move forward. Also I try to enjoy-- small pleasures and count everyday as a blessing.
Laura80111 wrote 62 months ago:
I like what others have said "Rest". As for us telling you how to stay on track...no can do as I've been following you to keep me on track. You are an inspiration to many take the time for your body to heal look ahead to the 10K this weekend and look at how far you have come. Sending hugs your way with prayers for a quick heal from your biopsy.
landay wrote 62 months ago:
Thank you for your transparency. I can't imagine the weight of what your carrying in this season of your life (no pun intended... I promise.) I'm praying for you fervently today, as I know many others are as well. These are precisely the times when we hold on for dear life to God's promises that He will never leave nor forsake us, and He will be strong in our weaknesses. God bless you.
FitGirl_Running wrote 62 months ago:
Forget about weight loss and just live your best life.
Anonymous wrote 62 months ago:
The first thing that came to my mind was - love you and bless you. I understand if it seems out of place, but sending you love and positive vibes
SpoonInTheRoad wrote 62 months ago:
First, let me say how sorry I am that you're facing this current (and yet ANOTHER) cancer battle. That sucks. What also sucks is having to forego the very thing that brings you peace and comfort: running. I will just sit with you in this moment of realization that this is where you find yourself.....

Now, moving on......look at yourself. You like to help. That's obvious or you wouldn't have written a book about your journey nor would you blog. I love this quote from Mister Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” That's what you would do for others. Now, it's time to do it for yourself.

What would you say to one of us? Or a best friend? Or your child or significant other? Coach yourself in just the same way. Advise rest, gentleness, good food choices with the occasional just-because-I've-got-to-have-this-right-now treat. Speak encouragement to yourself and surround yourself with things that make you laugh, bring you inspiration, or deep peace. Make sure you're sleeping. Encourage someone else. Enter into nature just to observe her and be a part - not to run through.

Nature and walking/jogging in it is my regrounding place as well. Yesterday, I sustained a bad enough injury while jogging that I won't be doing it again for a long while and will be happy if I can do my walk again in a few weeks. I overdid and tore a hip muscle. I didn't research first how to increase. I did EVERYthing wrong. My injury is my fault and yet, I'm human and I didn't willfully hurt myself. Neither did you. Cancer is no respecter of anyone or anything and I'm sorry you're carrying this load. But you know how to fight. That's obvious. You've waged bigger battles than this one and prevailed. For now rest, regroup, don't mistake gentleness with yourself to mean you're going to let yourself go back to the place you escaped, and then plan your attack when the time is right. You're a warrior. Sending love and a prayer.
PapaJay357 wrote 62 months ago:
Things I learned along the way when dealing with some of my other issues (former drunk, druggie, and smoker) that seem to almost always work are remembering that it’s First Things First, Just for Today, One Day at a Time, and this too shall pass. Some prayer and meditation added in (when I remember) for good measure helps as well. Total abstinence, while fairly simple but not always easy, works with my other vices but many days kicks my @$$ here. We are required to eat to survive. My feelings do not always track with the facts. If I get stuck alone in my head with my feelings I’m behind enemy lines. Getting it out of your head and out onto your blog is a great step. Please keep it up. You have proven that having a plan, sticking to it, and having wing-men and women on our team is a huge help. By sharing your experience and hope with the rest of us you have been a big inspiration to a lot of people. We are in your corner. As has already been mentioned, get some rest and recover from this latest procedure. Know that we are praying for you and wish you the best. Godspeed in your recovery and good luck on your next running event!
LisaPrust wrote 62 months ago:
Hey David! Big hug to you my brother-mfp-friend. So many sending you their love, prayers, support and encouragement! You must feel very rich indeed. I too am praying for your recovery and results and will be eager to hear your news...please don't hurt yourself Sunday! I'm sorta worried about you doing that...sorry, don't mean to "MOM" you! Please take care of yourself, give your body grace and keep looking up as you step forward.
tjbnurse77 wrote 62 months ago:
First, so sorry for your struggles and your diagnosis. I would suggest you decide what you want..want it bad enough that you visually see it..(no..not those bon bon's?) I quit smoking 5 years ago. With two beautiful baby girls I had too. I envisioned myself with oxygen at my daughter's grad. I envisioned my kids not wanting their friends over as they were embarrassed by their mother's smoker's cough. I forced myself to visually see where I could be if I didn't quit. The urges, the addiction..hardest thing I did. I quit one time. That's it. Never again. Can't even believe I did smoke. What's at stake for you? Ask yourself. See it. How badly do you not want it? Come on, trust yourself but decide and commit. Do it. That's it. Own your life.❤
Kfont42 wrote 62 months ago:
You are amazing and impressive, just as you are. Most of us don't know or truly understand the struggles that you are going through. My grandma battled cancer, and she was my hero for never giving up and for making the most of each day. You're doing that too.

But also be patient with yourself, and forgive yourself for mistakes you have made and will make. Cancer is serious stuff, and sometimes, you have to take it easy to let your body heal. Be honest with yourself and others about where you are mentally. If it's a bad day and you feel like crap, don't pretend it's otherwise.

Just don't give up on yourself or get discouraged. We're all here cheering you on and hoping for the best for you.
janetofdonnell wrote 62 months ago:
As a recovering addict (17 years), mostly alcohol and cigarettes, I can surely relate to your struggles. As a battle my weight issues, chronic health issues, as well as continue my journey of sobriety, I find what I need most is...support.
The outpouring of positive voices here is great. You are brave to ask for help and to be willing to put yourself out there.
For me, what also helps is a one or two close confidants. Someone who knows the good, the bad and ugly. Someone who I can get real hugs from when I need it, or who I can wake up in the middle of the night to say I'm tempted to eat a bunch of bonbons.
That's my two cents. You are on the right track. Wishing you good health and strength on your journey!
jmnicholas wrote 62 months ago:
Prayer - asking the one who knows it all to help. Praying for you - and me!
CATCLK wrote 62 months ago:
New here and have been reading your post which is very inspiring. If I can add anything to encourage you it would be that "with God all things are possible." You are not alone in trying to overcome the struggles in life and it takes courage to face whatever comes our way...believe that the right people are put in our path for a reason. Praying you receive a miracle too b/c I was given one after having been in the same place also.
Quite the journey, but doable and know that you have God on your side.
nFoooo wrote 62 months ago:
I want to also suggest meditation. And furthermore, I would suggest the book "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa. It's a very pragmatic book with a step by step guide to achieving concentration in meditation.

I view meditation as I do exercise, I find joy in it but it's also a form of training. I feel accomplished when I reach new heights in concentration and insight.

It could be a good substitute for when you are unable to exercise and a good complement for when you can exercise.
chetvr wrote 62 months ago:
What do you do to stay on track? This is your track, your journey, your pace, your race. Just the fact that you are going through this now but still talking about finishing a 10K soon is testament to your positive future outlook. The only thing you can rely on in life is that it will change. It won't be like this all the time.
You have learned plenty! And taught many others along the way. Run on, my friend! There are a lot more miles to travel.
MumaJoJo wrote 62 months ago:
Hi David! The best advice I ever heard was from Dory! (yes Dory, the little fishie from Finding Nemo, and Finding Dory) JUST KEEP SWIMMING! Allow your body to heal. We all are so very hard on ourselves, aren't we? That's a whole other discussion there kiddo! Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream... until your body is ready to just keep swimming. Sending healing energy, and positive thoughts your way. NEVER GIVE UP! ;) hugs
49Elle wrote 62 months ago:
David..hello, One of the hardest things about being an inspiration for others is who gives you the 'wind beneath your wings'. Your road has been particularly difficult and no doubt your pro active approach has been sorely tested.
I think because you are a religious man, you get that you are being tested in your faith, self belief and determination - only the very strong in all those attributes can achieve a positive attitude.

My faith is fairly old school having been raised a Catholic and these days though I no longer attend Church, the teachings are always there to call on as needed. Even Jesus had his doubts and called on God when he was at his lowest ebb, and I doubt anyone else can give you the courage you need to keep fighting the good fight other than the Almighty!

We can only say how much we do admire your courage and support you by acknowledging what a great role model you are for anyone that reads your blog and that we are in your corner.

Your inner strength and faith is your go to because you know you are doing your very best, regardless of weightloss or lack of it just continue to eat healthy food. With summer approaching more salads and fresh live foods are always refreshing.

Good luck in your quest on Sunday and thanks for sharing your journey and thoughts.
You are a special man on a special mission!!
Best regards,
Elle
Trendline15 wrote 62 months ago:
Dave, I am a recovering alcoholic (29 years sobriety). And, my wife has had cancer twice, so I can relate to your story. My wife & I got through her 2 cancers. It wasn't pretty sometimes. But, we struggled through. She is doing well now, thank God! It took another year after the chemo for her to get back to normal, after the second cancer. We hate cancer!
For myself, I have seen the destruction that alcoholism can wreak on people's lives. There is alcoholism in both of our families. My wife's brother died from this disease 4 years ago. And, there are still actives in her family.
All this makes me angry, especially the devastating effects of alcoholism. I channeled my anger into my workouts. I am getting in the best shape of my life at age 67. Even better shape than when I was running, swimming and biking on my own for 4 years. I am swimming again, and have open water swimming goals.
I work with 2 personal trainers. I do core and flexibility exercises 30 minutes per week. And strength training for 60 minutes twice per week. Personal training is the best money I ever spent on myself. I swim on the other days. I feel great as a result of all the exercise. I suffer from depression, and the exercise keeps my symptoms in remission.
Be well, my friend.
ggeise14 wrote 62 months ago:
Sending prayers and a hug!
ElainaDF wrote 61 months ago:
Prayer. I can't get into my life in the past year but I will say it has been a living hell. And when I got down on my knees and cried out to God for help..well that was the only time I felt complete peace sweep over me. Ask Him to help you with all of it.
Life is really hard. It's not fair either. But you can and will make it. Heck, don't try to take it a day at a time..take it a hour at a time. Take it minute by minute. Go outside. Breathe. Sometimes I breathe really deep and say out loud 'it's okay, I got this. I can do this. I'll get through this'. And I do. And you will too.
KellyDillinger wrote 61 months ago:
By now, there is a good chance you've heard everything, in terms of "advice" that can help. Maybe "SOMETHING NEW" can at least make you feel better. Hhhmmmm...just a sec...something new...Oh! Me! I'M NEW as of TODAY, I JUST RE-established and updated my profile, AND for the FIRST time EVER, wrote a blog. I was actually hoping it might inspire or motivate someone struggling, and I actually got fairly personal in it. So...if it would help you are welcome to take a look at mine. The entry is called "Getting Out of My Own Way". No lie, we have to be honest with ourselves to do this. Also, maybe there are some things about yourself or your routine that has gotten in your own way. Maybe not, but if the possibility of reading how horridly one person's personal stance got in her own way would help you in the least...I'd be honored. Either way, I hope you get to feeling better sooner than expected. It may just be that you need to switch things up. You said yourself, you've been eating the same foods for years. There are plateaus, and things that cause them, and you always have to snap yourself out of whatever it is. Even Bruce Lee said not to stay at them. I hope this wasn't too forward. I was just speaking in practicality. Have a great day!
willnevergiveup wrote 61 months ago:
(((HUGS)))
CATCLK wrote 61 months ago:
Just wanted to send positive affirmations and know that you have been in my thoughts/prayers--believe you will have a praise report before long too! "If God be for you...;D (Also, if you need to call for prayer support and receive a definite answer then call this "Hotline" b/c it is available 24/7 and you don't need to be a member to call which is 1-800-759-0700--The 700 Club. Many a time I have called and asked for the prayer request to be placed in the "Prayer Chapel" where it will be prayed over especially for days. Definitely, a miracle resource and can't recommend enough!)
Anonymous wrote 61 months ago:
Hope you are hanging in there and believing for the best too!;D
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