I Need Help
Posted on 4/25/2017 by dsjohndrow
I was listening to a recovering drug addict on the radio this morning. He said asking for help was the hardest thing he ever did. "It changed my life for the better." he said.
My life has been dotted with spiritual interventions. I asked for help a few times.
I don't know about you, but I've made a lot of bad choices. Some of them seemed so innocent at the time. You know, having the third beer before driving home, or loading up my plate for the third time when I was already obese. Sure there were the obvious bad decisions like quitting a good job thinking that this new one was going to fix my career path and continuing to date psycho Sally in high school.
She still haunts me 40 years later.
Three years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer (the first of five times), I decided, instead of having a major surgery, to let the doctors actively watch my tumor. This included blood tests, physical exams (where you get to be #1 with the doctor for a few minutes) and surgical biopsies. I hope I've made the right decision - quality over quantity.
I had another biopsy last Friday.
I hate them, they are messy, and they hurt like holy hell. However; I had to agree with the surgeon, six of these is better than one of those. I have been moving slowly for a few days, sore, and taking it easy so the bleeding stops. My experience is that it can take a week or two.
So what do I need help with?
Everything. I need help staying on track with the food. I need help managing my emotional state as I wait for the results to come back in a week or so. I need to stay focused on working so I can take care of my fiscal responsibilities.
Mostly I want to lay down on the couch and eat bonbons until all this goes away.
Running is my happy place and I can't go there this week. I have a 10K race this coming Sunday and I will take a shot at finishing.
I constantly tell myself I am doing OK with the food, but the scale isn't moving and I am up 15 pounds. I have been eating the same stuff for years, just too much of it I guess. I changed the battery in my food scale. I am on it again. Today is 2145 days that I have been logging in...
I should have learned something by now.
So tell me, what do I need to do to stay on track?
Unfortunately the obesity beast never rests. No matter what we have lost or how long its been gone, the beast is still there, waiting for any chink in our armor. So, suit up mister, the battle rages on. You can do this! We are all here for you.
The one consistent theme of successful weight loss is changing your relationship with food. Unlike most pernicious behaviours, you can't quit eating. Feel free to insert your favourite cold turkey joke. So the fact that you have an established pattern that works, great... if you aren't happy with the pattern, rather than throwing it out, evolve it. Make one small change.
For example, I found a breakfast combo that I like... but it was slightly too many calories. So I went from two pieces of toast to one piece. Everything else remained unchanged.
Physics has helped me out a TON, as well. Just remember, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. As long as you're moving, you're in the right direction.
Keep up the great work - you didn't come this far for no reason, and lessons don't fall on your head like coconuts. Maybe you've just learned so smoothly it isn't immediately obvious.
Know that you are a daily inspiration to me. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you are in waiting limbo yet again.
Don't push too much physically so that you CAN help up quickly.
Hang in there!
Annie
Now, moving on......look at yourself. You like to help. That's obvious or you wouldn't have written a book about your journey nor would you blog. I love this quote from Mister Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” That's what you would do for others. Now, it's time to do it for yourself.
What would you say to one of us? Or a best friend? Or your child or significant other? Coach yourself in just the same way. Advise rest, gentleness, good food choices with the occasional just-because-I've-got-to-have-this-right-now treat. Speak encouragement to yourself and surround yourself with things that make you laugh, bring you inspiration, or deep peace. Make sure you're sleeping. Encourage someone else. Enter into nature just to observe her and be a part - not to run through.
Nature and walking/jogging in it is my regrounding place as well. Yesterday, I sustained a bad enough injury while jogging that I won't be doing it again for a long while and will be happy if I can do my walk again in a few weeks. I overdid and tore a hip muscle. I didn't research first how to increase. I did EVERYthing wrong. My injury is my fault and yet, I'm human and I didn't willfully hurt myself. Neither did you. Cancer is no respecter of anyone or anything and I'm sorry you're carrying this load. But you know how to fight. That's obvious. You've waged bigger battles than this one and prevailed. For now rest, regroup, don't mistake gentleness with yourself to mean you're going to let yourself go back to the place you escaped, and then plan your attack when the time is right. You're a warrior. Sending love and a prayer.
But also be patient with yourself, and forgive yourself for mistakes you have made and will make. Cancer is serious stuff, and sometimes, you have to take it easy to let your body heal. Be honest with yourself and others about where you are mentally. If it's a bad day and you feel like crap, don't pretend it's otherwise.
Just don't give up on yourself or get discouraged. We're all here cheering you on and hoping for the best for you.
The outpouring of positive voices here is great. You are brave to ask for help and to be willing to put yourself out there.
For me, what also helps is a one or two close confidants. Someone who knows the good, the bad and ugly. Someone who I can get real hugs from when I need it, or who I can wake up in the middle of the night to say I'm tempted to eat a bunch of bonbons.
That's my two cents. You are on the right track. Wishing you good health and strength on your journey!
Quite the journey, but doable and know that you have God on your side.
I view meditation as I do exercise, I find joy in it but it's also a form of training. I feel accomplished when I reach new heights in concentration and insight.
It could be a good substitute for when you are unable to exercise and a good complement for when you can exercise.
You have learned plenty! And taught many others along the way. Run on, my friend! There are a lot more miles to travel.
I think because you are a religious man, you get that you are being tested in your faith, self belief and determination - only the very strong in all those attributes can achieve a positive attitude.
My faith is fairly old school having been raised a Catholic and these days though I no longer attend Church, the teachings are always there to call on as needed. Even Jesus had his doubts and called on God when he was at his lowest ebb, and I doubt anyone else can give you the courage you need to keep fighting the good fight other than the Almighty!
We can only say how much we do admire your courage and support you by acknowledging what a great role model you are for anyone that reads your blog and that we are in your corner.
Your inner strength and faith is your go to because you know you are doing your very best, regardless of weightloss or lack of it just continue to eat healthy food. With summer approaching more salads and fresh live foods are always refreshing.
Good luck in your quest on Sunday and thanks for sharing your journey and thoughts.
You are a special man on a special mission!!
Best regards,
Elle
For myself, I have seen the destruction that alcoholism can wreak on people's lives. There is alcoholism in both of our families. My wife's brother died from this disease 4 years ago. And, there are still actives in her family.
All this makes me angry, especially the devastating effects of alcoholism. I channeled my anger into my workouts. I am getting in the best shape of my life at age 67. Even better shape than when I was running, swimming and biking on my own for 4 years. I am swimming again, and have open water swimming goals.
I work with 2 personal trainers. I do core and flexibility exercises 30 minutes per week. And strength training for 60 minutes twice per week. Personal training is the best money I ever spent on myself. I swim on the other days. I feel great as a result of all the exercise. I suffer from depression, and the exercise keeps my symptoms in remission.
Be well, my friend.
Life is really hard. It's not fair either. But you can and will make it. Heck, don't try to take it a day at a time..take it a hour at a time. Take it minute by minute. Go outside. Breathe. Sometimes I breathe really deep and say out loud 'it's okay, I got this. I can do this. I'll get through this'. And I do. And you will too.