I Decided to Live
Posted on 5/16/2017 by dsjohndrow
How did I ever let myself get to almost 300 pounds? I ate too many calories. The change occurred slowly over a period of millions of bites of food. It's pretty much the same way I became a daily drinker, a smoker and drug user. I never set out to be an addict, it just happened.
I was always going to change tomorrow.
What got my attention? Well, it wasn't the US Post Office considering giving me my own ZIP code or the fact that I thought I could be seen from outer space; nope, none of those. It was a week in ICU without a shower or underwear or sleep.
It was hard to decide to live.
My heart failure cost me just about everything. It took a while before I was able to work - eight months. it stressed out my family, it stressed the finances, and I was emotionality depressed. When you don't have your health, the rest of life doesn't mean a whole lot.
Then I started running.
Oh yeah, running is bad for your knees, you'll get A-Fib if you over train, you'll need knee replacements, running is a treat, you don't need to run to lose weight; I heard it all. And most of it from doctors! I also heard, you weren't that fat, a little meat on the bones is healthy, I like your curves (not really that one), you look cute (yeah from the top of my head up.) and I didn't realize you were so sick. WTF?
It took a year to do C25K and lose the first 60 pounds.
I have faced a number of challenges since I first logged onto MFP and asked what an NSV was. Here is what I can tell you. Because I run and lost weight, I have survived cancer 4 times. I am onto my 5th round as I write this. I have dumped 7 medications for my heart except for a low dose of blood pressure medication which I have needed all my life. My resting pulse is down from 72 to 48 and I haven't had to take an antidepressant or even had a cold. That's going on 5 years.
After all the medical stuff, sometimes it is still hard to decide to live.
Some days I don't want to run. I get up at 4:45 to leave for work and I get home 12 hours later. I make sure my running gear in on the love seat where it's ready when I walk in the door. I cannot let myself sit down, or it's game over. I will be in my PJs faster than a speeding bullet, snacking before dinner if I even have the energy to cook it.
I have started logging my food on not so normal days, drinking lots of water, and running more.
I still have some medical stuff which is giving me a run for my money. I have not heard anything on those tests yet. Maybe today -
It doesn't really matter unless they can provide a cure of sorts.
I am walking four or five miles a day (6,000 steps or so) on my walking desk and standing about six hours a day total.
I think all that is contributing to my feeling a little better.
I am down a few more pounds which makes me happy. I still have about 12 or so to go, but this time I am going to make it. My runs are up to 9 miles and this weekend it will be 10. I am not feeling awesome about it, but I am going to do it anyway.
Thanks for the votes and comments. I always appreciate them.
God bless you!
I disagree with other commentters. It does gets easier. The hardest step is the first step, the first mile, making it a habit. Once it's a daily occurrence, it is easier (I even start feeling -- different -- if I haven't done SOME exercise in a day). I've found I just can NEVER. STOP. RUNNING. Not for one day. I did. About 6 or 7 years ago. And it's been hard getting back. Not stopping is easier to maintain than starting from the beginning, again. But there's also strength in goals reached and this helps me to keep running. I'm battling cancer now too (my first). This time, I'm older, much more out of shape and now battling chemo fatigue. BUT I GOT TO 5 MILES on my last chemo day -- 5 MILES!! (before treatment). Chemo-schemo, I made it to 5 MILES!!! It was a good day! My spirits were up for the whole day! That feeling is addictive too!
And I'm encouraged to do it again tomorrow!
All I know, is God def. answers prayers and he sure answered mine more than a few times!!!;D