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I Can't Believe I Said That - This is a Test!

Have you ever wondered what the hell you were thinking when you decided to change your pathetic lifestyle? When I read the message boards and look back over my own journey, I sort of cringe.

I settled for less for years. I could have been taking better care of myself, but I didn't really see the future.

If you identify with me you are thinking, "If I had only listened to my _____ (friends, parents, co-workers, God, Dr. Phil, the lady in the line at the bank). Every one knows Dr. Oz is a loser and Julian Michaels is the trainer from hell. (Google it, it's true! Everything on the Internet is true!)

What if I hadn't lied to myself thinking _______ is normal? (Back pain, a 50" waist, medication, shortness of breath, eating a bag of chips and dip in front of the TV) Aren't Barbie & Ken normal - well except for the anatomy?

Of course, once we realize that we are full of crap, then we become experts in the fitness field posting out own topics for which no one can disagree with us. Fortunately, most of can contain the subtle arrogance which lives inside us. For those that can't, we get our threads locked.

Here is a self-test to see if you are a noob, an annoying heath nut, or an elder statesman on MFP.

For each question, score yourself accordingly.

0 never even thought it.
1 thought, but never said it.
2 said it.
3 posted it on a message board.
4 said it worked for me.
5 have a certificate to say this stuff).

1 - It doesn't matter what you eat, as long as you are within your calories.

2 - Even though there are studies to prove it, it doesn't matter what time you eat as long as it's not in your sleep.

3 - If you have ripped abs, it improves you sex life.

4 - Caffeine is a food group which contains coffee and chocolate.

5 - Eating raw through a straw requires some real effort.

6 - Every good diet requires that you eat yogurt, drink water and clean up after your dog.

7 - Eating clean is good if you drop your carrots on the kitchen floor and you own cats.
 
8 - The caveman diet is sexist.

9 - The Atkins diet is for people who love bacon.

10 - Being a vegan because you don't like fish is not being honest.

11 - Admit it, you are here to find out how to be thin and keep on eating the same stuff.

12 - Running is for people who can't walk.
 
13 - Biking is for people who need to coast once in a while.

14 - Cheat days are cheating.

15 - Water is a negative calorie food.
 
16 - Cardio is anything that requires breathing the entire time. (That's why sex is not in the list.)
 
17 - Being able to see your privates is an NSV.

18 - Farting with your headphones on at the gym still stinks.
 
19 - Logging food is the program.

20 - Groups are for people who don't like opposing opinions.

0 - 20 You are probably in a sugar coma.
21 - 40 You have an active mind, and more restraint than a hog tied hog.
41 - 60 You are a safe friend and only contribute the message boards while everyone else is asleep.
61 - 80 You have been around a while and probably have a strike or two.
81 - 90 You are probably about to get locked out.
91 - 100 You are Dr. Oz

Please post your score. (I got 100!) And you can vote too!

43 votes + -

14 comments:

shygur wrote 113 months ago:
Uh, I am boring I scored 1.
katrwal wrote 113 months ago:
hmm... got 21... good thing i like to be restrained :) seriously - i should probably have scored higher and given myself 2.5 for all the times i started to post to the message boards and stopped... because a battle of wits with unarmed people isn't fair.
iplayoutside19 wrote 113 months ago:
I got a 22, and that falls into when I type stuff on the forums and I think: "Is poking this bee hive really worth it?" Most of the time the answer is no. So I delete my response and move on.

Granted, I've been around long enough I can tell which threads to stay out of, and usually do. Although, I'm a sucker for the relationship advice threads.
aquitania wrote 113 months ago:
I scored 12. I guess i'm very boring... :D But really, i rarely write something to the message boards. :-)
WendyFitMomCHANGED wrote 113 months ago:
#18 had me laughing out loud in my office. Too funny
deeannhill wrote 113 months ago:
Love it. Scored a 25. So, how many other "negative calorie" foods are there, and are they all liquid? Bwahaha - the message boards can be so entertaining.
angieroo2 wrote 113 months ago:
30!
Laura80111 wrote 113 months ago:
24
runningfataway wrote 113 months ago:
Damn I guess I'm in a sugar coma.
saphfireangel wrote 113 months ago:
Um wow I'm in the sugar coma stage I got a bit 6 points. But was highly entertained :)
wisebadger53 wrote 113 months ago:
I do my best to stay off of the message boards...but I could be approaching the top tier anyway! This one made me smile at the end of a really shitty day. Thanks David!
Mustangsally1000 wrote 113 months ago:
sugar coma...glad I'm not alone here....
fitplease wrote 113 months ago:
Sugar Coma

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