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How the Hell Would I Know?!

Why do avocados have large pits? I don't know? Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille? Why do women like to talk about feelings and men like talk about sex? Dunno.

The real question is how do we complete this journey?

Are we supposed to die fit? If were not, when is OK to give up exercising and eating healthy? I am really asking myself these questions. It's been one hell of a journey since February of 2011. A lot of people know my story. Running on the treadmill one day in ICU 2 days later with congestive heart failure. On the flip-side I have had some great success as a runner too - for one my age anyway. 

It doesn't really feel like my life.


I have been at this for 5 years. I guess I get to say what works for me. I was nearly 300 pounds and I went as low as 197. I am back up some. 207 at last check. It's been one freaking tough year.

The weight loss journey is as hard as it ever was!


It's the same old story. A few cheat meals, forget to watch portions, a whole package of cookies in the house, and an awful chronic digestive issue which keep me from running long distances. People said I should be good to myself, it's OK you have cancer and dont' feel well. It's not working! 10 hard fought pounds came back!

My new clothes don't really fit well. *sigh*

I am running 5 days a week for about 4 miles. I need to work back to a marathon distance!

When I gained 5 pounds I said to myself it's not a big deal, I will lose later. So now that it's 10 what should I say to myself? Do I cut myself some slack? I don't see any other way to stop the downward spiral but doing anything other than being accurate about the food portions. I can run, and I have another marathon in 2017!

It's time to get real. The food will kill me if I don't stay on track. I need to run, log the food, and manage my stress. The stress of a cancer diagnosis (another one), the job loss and all that goes with that, has been really tough.

Food won't fix it.

So here is to getting it fixed now, and not lamenting 15 pounds. I suppose that I should add in some weight training or something. I used to do that too. 

Thanks for listening! I always enjoy new friends if you want to be on the list.

53 votes + -

13 comments:

joanthemom8 wrote 66 months ago:
I hear you! I don't have nearly all the issues going on (I'm fairly healthy), but the stress of my life (such as it is) can really get to me. I've been on MFP for 5 years as well (1800 + days of logging streak) and I sometimes get into a funk of "why bother?" BUT I usually end up eventually shaking it off and keep going. I'm really not at a "losing weight" stage any more, I'm just trying not to gain.
For what it's worth, I do find your journey inspirational, and I marvel at your positiveness. I wish the best for you.
dcc56 wrote 66 months ago:
I hear that....I've got lots of the same issues. But I have learned....I can't do anything about Yesterday and Tomorrow is not here yet, so all I can do is work on Today...and try to follow the path that I know leads to "wellness"...and do the best I can. I can't keep beating myself up all the time about the failures I have had...I just need to stay positive and use my brain...something that takes effort for me. I know it is all about "Mindfulness" for me. I need to be mindful at each meal...and mindful to make an appointment with myself for exercise time and a "recess" time like my old school days too! I need some fun in my life. I admire your perseverance. Keep going, we're doing just fine. Happy Holidays.
palmdmb wrote 66 months ago:
New reader of your posts, they are both entertaining and inspiring to me. Thanks for sharing and being real. Keep fighting, it is better than the alternative.
mysteps2beauty wrote 66 months ago:
I have to admit I've hit the pause button since Thanksgiving. Life stuff is happening but nothing like yours. I'm up and down on the scale the same 5 lbs. I think if I got to 10lbs I would be concerned. So I hear you. I'm not doing any exercise other than my commute to work (walking to and from train station twice a day = 30 minutes). I know that I need to pick up my kettle bells and get my muscles in action. Are you weight training any? Some folks who love cardio hate weight training and vice versa. If you try to do something new and different it may affect those 10 lbs. Yoga is something to consider too, even if it just soothes your mind. Like dcc56 wrote, Today is the only day you can actually do something about. Stay in the present.
iamgunz wrote 66 months ago:
Amazing, like always. You portray human feelings in a very nice and ironic way . I actually look forward for your blogs, please add me to your fan list!!
jringer1 wrote 66 months ago:
I'm a new reader, but have caught your blog a few times. I enjoy your humor and the honesty of your blogs. Keep the struggle going, it's life and that is AMAZING! Enjoy it, today this momement is all we are really sure of, no one knows what the next second may hold! So revel in the one you are living :)
cosmonew wrote 66 months ago:
Seriously, I thought to myself a similar thought the other day. I hope I don't die soon...it would suck to die...hungry.... anyway, with that thought I started authorizing a few treats for myself but only at the expense of other healthy foods. I am not ready to gain weight back, not 5 lbs and certainly not 10. I think it will always be a struggle, for me, for you and for many people..3rd world problems, though..My pantry is stuffed full of good things to eat, I shouldn't be complaining.
HappyAnna2014 wrote 66 months ago:
Stay on track with your eating habits!! That will make you feel good emotionally and physically. The old Weight Watcher's saying is still true, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I like to eat, I love food, but I love feeling like I am healthy and my happy clothes (thin clothes) fit. :)
pizzafruit wrote 66 months ago:
One of the many things I appreciate about you are the lessons learned and your willingness to share with us. One of the things you've taught me is to go beyond the mentality of "tomorrow will be better". Instead we must stop and re-commit to what we're doing. Often times, easier said than done, don't you think? I'm a survivor and I thought nothing could be tougher - surprise! You have conquered more than once and you will again. Keep the light on.
bpbarlaan wrote 66 months ago:
I'm legally blind and the braille doesn't help because I can't see the screen to operate the ATM? Should I complain to the bank manager?
Thehardmakesitworthit wrote 66 months ago:
Food not being the answer, that's the easy answer isn't it? GAH! I check in here to your blog every once and again and you never cease to amaze me. Keep on keepin on Mr..... you make alot of folks smile. Alot. Blessings

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