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How the Hell Do I Know?

Why do avocados have large pits? I don't know? Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille? Why do women like to talk about feelings and men like talk about sex? Dunno.

The real question is how do we complete this journey?

Are we supposed to die fit? If were not, when is OK to give up exercising and eating healthy? I am really asking myself these questions. It's been one hell of a journey since February of 2011. A lot of people know my story. Running on the treadmill one day in ICU 2 days later with congestive heart failure. On the flip-side I have had some great success as a runner too - for one my age anyway.

It doesn't really feel like my life.


It's hard to explain how bad I feel because I haven't run in 3 weeks. Actually it's been pretty close to 8 weeks since the Boston Marathon. I did manage to fit in a 60 mile run across Massachusetts on a weekend. I also gained about 10 pounds.

The weight loss journey is as hard as it ever was!


It's the same old story. A few cheat meals, forget to watch portions, a whole package of cookies in the house, and melanoma surgery which kept me from running. People said I should be good to myself, it's OK you have cancer - it's not working! 10 hard fought pounds came back!

My new clothes don't really fit well. *sigh*

I am back to logging. I have had one run, a 5K in 30 minutes. I know that I have a surgery again in 4 weeks, but I have to do this now. I have to run!

When I gained 5 pounds I said to myself it's not a big deal, I will lose later. So now that it's 10 what should I say to myself? Did I cut myself some slack? I don't see any other way to stop the downward spiral but doing anything other than logging. I can run, and I even have another marathon in a month!

I have put together a few days of logging, tossed the cookies that were left on the table and got in one 3 mile run. That is what I know how to do.

Thanks for listening!

56 votes + -

14 comments:

johnwhitent wrote 96 months ago:
Logging at MFP is your best friend, especially when activity is limited. :)
HeidiCooksSupper wrote 96 months ago:
I can answer your first question. I had a friend who was blind and a bit mobility impaired so we would pull up to the ATM "backwards" with her in the passenger seat and she would conduct her banking.
HeidiCooksSupper wrote 96 months ago:
Oh, I forgot, she'd ask me to read what the screen was saying sometimes. What she needed was a talking ATM.
Mustangsally1000 wrote 96 months ago:
Ah...so human like the rest of us. God love you David..You know the score, you have faith, you love running. You've got this. I know you do!
VorJoshigan wrote 96 months ago:
Avocados have large pits because their primary consumer was the ground sloth before they all died out.
meganjcallaghan wrote 96 months ago:
Avocados have pits because they're part of the stone fruit or "drupe" family, though perhaps people think of it more as a vegetable because it's not part of the typically thought of prunus genus which would include peaches, plums, nectarines, etc.
ilenewilliams wrote 96 months ago:
David, stay as in control as you can, log and try and stay in your calorie range while you are recovering. BUT be good to yourself as well. This is a major blip in your life, but you will beat this and one day soon it will be just a horrible memory and you will be out there running again. Stay strong.
TinaBean007 wrote 96 months ago:
Thank you for sharing yourself. Thank you for being real. For what its worth, you're not alone in your feelings and struggles. Your words tell me you're a fighter and no stranger to overcoming big obstacles. Continue to be that fighter.
lasombrs wrote 96 months ago:
I think the logging is a big thing. I hope i stick with it when i get to maintenance phase. I think our brains go back to our old way of guessing what we ate already or what a portion size is. We don't purposely fall of the wagon but by not actively thinking about it we let other things cloud our mind about it. I do think that your exercise restrictions did play a pretty big roll because you wouldn't have been sitting on the couch eating those cookies if you were given the chance to go out and run off those calories from a different snack. But i can understand looking at those 10 lbs you worked so hard for and being like wtf did i let happen. You WILL loose it again though. Because you want to and you know you are capable of it. Just don't stop logging when the next surgery comes around and look for some other exercises you can manage to do in your home while you wait to be able to run again.
socalkay wrote 96 months ago:
I would guess large avocado pits is adaptation at work - the pits help the new sprouts survive so the avocado trees with fruit that had large pits were succeeded by new generations and the ones with smaller pits faded away over time.
socalkay wrote 96 months ago:
How do we complete this journey? I don't know... last year I was diagnosed with end stage lung disease. Right now I'm determined to go out fighting but that may change over time.

My current goal is to lose 20 lbs in the next 3 months so I can get on the lung transplant list. I've already passed all their screening tests, now they are testing my resolve. I think I have it... I hope I can maintain it.
ktthegr8est wrote 96 months ago:
You know...that's a good question..."are we supposed to die fit?" My answer is to be as healthy as you can be, so you can see your grandchildren and maybe your great grandchildren. Before my grandmother passed away in her 90s, she had 7 children (of which she outlived 4 of them), many grandchildren and many more great grandchildren. She still had her wits and was still living at her house and successfully taking care of it. She also smoked several packs of unfiltered Chesterfields everyday. So I don't know...she wasn't the healthiest or the fittest, but she lived a long and extraordinary life.
dedflwrs wrote 96 months ago:
I reached my ideal weight and never stopped logging. I feel if I stopped I would go in a downwards spiral. As it is I eat way too much junk and writing it down is the only thing that keeps me from consuming five times as much (which is what I really want to do). I have a friend who keeps telling me "You can't compete with what you eat". So true. I walked 15 miles yesterday and the scale showed I gained a pound. Now I can go back to my log and see what needs to be cut... Which I know I could figure out myself but seeing it in black and white is pretty powerful.
Here's some wishes for improve health. Keep on keeping on :)
turtlebeth wrote 96 months ago:
Actually, the real reason drive-thru ATMs have Braille on them is this. ADA regs require that all ATMs have Braille and talking capability. Obviously, blind folks don't drive but it would cost too much to manufacture separate ATMs for drive-thru that do NOT have Braille, so they use the same machine set up in both places, walk up and drive up. Another mystery solved. Moving right along :o)

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