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How It Really Is

I have been writing this blog for a long time - like 5 years or something like that. I have filled the inter-webs with a lot of crap and a few pathetic stories. Possibly I have encouraged one or two folks to eat celery instead of a donut with their morning coffee.

Every once in a while the voices in my head make sense.

For those that read each week, you know I like to run, laugh a little, not take things to seriously, tell some tall stories and every once in a bit, tell it like it is. Today is another one of those days. I am trying to pull out of the tailspin of negativity.

I am not feeling strong in this fight with cancer.

It all started in October of 2013. That's when cancer and my name were in the same sentence. #cancersucks Since then it's been a long fight So far the colon tumor has been removed and things are behaving. I am back on every six months to watch for melanoma. It has been a year since my last surgery for that. I also ran 7 marathons and 80 races total.

My July biopsy seemed to reveal a larger tumor in the prostate than the previous, count 'em, FIVE before!

A lot of people are scared of cancer. I am not. I have faith and a well insured afterlife. I am certain about that. What bothers me is that I have not been able to get three dang months without some check-up, some doc's finger in my @$$, or hanging out in an exam room with my under shorts on a coat hook.

It sucks. I am tired. #cancersucks

On the 9th of September I will go over the 5 options I have for treating this cancer.
1) Do nothing. I can't see living out a horrible death due to cancer. I watched my parents do this. :(
2) Join in a study with a potential risk of the cancer returning. This is my second choice. If it's successful, I can create an arcade game where you laser zap the enemies man parts and create a galaxy where people still procreate.
3) Radiation. Sorry, can't see my "growing kid" for 3 months.
4) Have the whole thing removed and take my chances at a normal life. I belong to a cancer charity and their survivors have called me. All they can say is "I am not dead." And when pressed, "Yeah, it really sucks."
5) Be healed with prayer! This is my first choice. If you read my book, you know this is the real deal. Happened three times in five years. Not having a heart transplant is a big deal!

I am angry that this disease just keeps on tracking me down. I am sure some of it is my fault. I smoked and ate crap for a long time. I sat in an office chair for over 25 years.

It's true, sitting is the new smoking.

I had to drop out for the Maui Marathon in January and Dublin is going to be a last minute decision. :( It's hard to plan anything.
 
So what did I tell myself this morning? I said EFF CANCER. Then I put my thoughts towards helping others. Maybe you want to help, too. You can pray. You can run.

If you want to join in a virtual run, check out the details HERE.

Thanks for reading along, praying, thinking good thoughts, keeping other thoughts to yourself, and eating celery instead of donuts.

62 votes + -

19 comments:

Wysewoman53 wrote 63 months ago:
Your faith is commendable! I'm not sure I would be able to face what you have faced during this battle without getting angry to the point of losing faith. You give me hope and make me realize how lucky I am to be healthy (again). Because of you, I will never waste one single moment of my health ever again. Thank you for your blogs.
swat1948 wrote 63 months ago:
Well if it helps at all, you're in my thoughts and prayers and I have absolutely no doubt that you will beat this one too!
Pattycake755 wrote 63 months ago:
I only know you through your writing, but I love you! I am married and I am in love with my husband, but I love you! LOL!!!

All joking aside, I will be praying for you. My brother was just diagnosed with prostrate cancer. He will be getting a bone and CT scan next. It may be aggressive. Please pray for Vincent. We are people of faith. I have seen the healing power with my own eyes.

Wishing you nothing but the best! By His Stripes...
johnwhitent wrote 63 months ago:
Sorry man, praying for you.
Dootzy1 wrote 63 months ago:
Your faith is your strength. Each day is a gift, you just know that more certainly than most. You are in my prayers.
Mustangsally1000 wrote 63 months ago:

Ah David....I'm so sorry. My husband and I have been dealing with this since the year 2000. Thought we had it beat..but no. The problem with prostate cancer is that eventually...if it returns, it returns to the bones...Mick now has it in his spine. Prayer and faith are so powerful...but use the tools God has provided to help you...Doctors, medicine...all powerful things in addition to prayer! I'll keep you in mine. Hugs, my friend!!!
ColinRWright wrote 63 months ago:
David, you and I have some shared cancer-related history -- although you're an overachiever, and tried some flavors I haven't. :-)

Your journey of faith and courage, weakness and strength, has inspired SO MANY PEOPLE. Of course, that doesn't make your path any easier, and I can't even imagine what going through this unknown path time and time again is like. One time was one time too many for me, and I hope I never have to deal with that again. But if I do, I have the perfect role model to look to for how to manage the uncertainty, the setbacks, the successes, and where and how to find the courage to plunge forward.

You're in my prayers, brother, and you'll stay there for as long as it takes.
Laura80111 wrote 63 months ago:
You are in my prayers. My friend in Oregon just found out that she has a recurring tumor and will once again be having surgery mid Sept. Yep it sucks but thankful that our faith will get us through the storms.
thehadster wrote 63 months ago:
I believe in prayer and will keep you in mine. You will make the choice that is right for you.
jackflak wrote 63 months ago:
positive thoughts brother!
SilverSheWolf55 wrote 63 months ago:
Yes! I believe in prayer. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Yes, cancer sucks. I have (2) friends struggling with it now. My sister passed almost 20 years ago, from rectal cancer I still miss her to this day! Prayfully you will kick the cr@p out of this. My prayers say "yes, you will". Hugs!
Hearts_2015 wrote 63 months ago:
https://www.rockethub.com/projects/29988-icu-to-marathon-diaries-of-a-nearly-dead-man-a-funny-book-about-faith

I found this link and read some post and listened and watched the video. So glad I did, hope anyone who hasn't yet takes the opportunity to check it out on YouTube. I can't imagine anyone not buying the book or longing to after watching it!! OMG! SOoooo hilarious I wanna buy all your books, hope they are now all out in print?!

You are just simply marvelous David, the way you write about events, your humor. You find a way to keep things up beat even in a time of uncertainty, fear of the unknown you reach out to others.

Thank you for that David, for paying it forward like you do and you do it so well. ♥
Hearts_2015 wrote 63 months ago:
Sending up healing thoughts...
nord51 wrote 63 months ago:
Thank you. Your words 'I'm not feeling strong" caught my attention which lead me to your story.

I'm not feeling strong today either and your storey helped pull me out of myself. Im not going through cancer myself but my 2 year old granddaughter is and we are struggling. I'm still learning this prayer thing but I know some amazing people that live their life by it and you look to be one of them.

I appreciate you putting yourself out there - for people (like me) to connect with.
pizzafruit wrote 63 months ago:
I know you through your posts and have come to really respect you. As a cancer survivor, I can't imagine the fear and frustration you have experienced. I can only say that I admire your faith in God and your total honesty. Please know I join the many other MFP subscribers that continue to pray for you and send the love and healing power of God your way. Take care my friend.
kattbyrd67 wrote 63 months ago:
I am praying for you, David. Go kick cancer's ass!
LinOtt wrote 63 months ago:
Yes it sucks. Now get up and live. You are right - there is always, in every situation, someone worse off than you. You must do what is right for you and your children. Praying for you.
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