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Hostess Twinkies Upstage Mayan Apocalypse!

The biggest news in the US since the discovery of the end of the Mayan Calendar, is the liquidation of Hostess. The bakers of orgasmic sweet treats have ceased operations! With Twinkie prices in the hundreds of dollars on eBay, they should have invested in their own product. Maybe the US government should have bought some too!

For some, the Hostess Twinkie was comfort food, and for others it satisfied their deepest sexual fantasies. Twisted, I know.

As grade school kids, the Twinkie, as well as the other Hostess treats provided us with "safe" derogatory names to one up our pathetic friends during recess. "Don't be a Twinkie you Ding Dong!" could be shouted on the playground with not even a glance from the teachers. (Sort of like the "F" and "A" words now.)

I guess I must admit, even as a healthfood nut, the very fact that there was a rack of Twinkies, Ho Ho's, Donettes and Sno Balls just a few houses away, was comforting. Every time I would fill up with gasoline, I could see them peering at my obese figure manly physique as I stood there, hose in hand, pumping fuel. I would have to slowly shake my head no, and look in another direction until the longing subsided.

The iconic magic is gone; my sweet mistresses are dead. R. I. P.  Monocalcium Phosphate.

In the '60s and '70s , Twinkies were a treat (read that shut the kid up at the grocery store). The truth is that the WASP Soul Food (All in the Family Reference) was never my first choice. I love Sno Balls. In fact my wife and I love Sno Balls. It all came out in pre-marriage counseling; it was part of the initial attraction. We even thought of putting them on the tables at the wedding reception. The truth be known, there is a picture of me pretending to have pink coconut covered breasts that has not yet surfaced on the Internet. I think they make me a B cup.

If you go back in my food diary, the evidence is there!

I confess, we did check the empty golden rack at a few convenience stores last night, and had to settle for a stale chocolate chip cookie for desert.

I guess the programmers at MFP knew what we didn't, they don't even track Twinkie ingredients in the macros! These elements [See Below] are so rare that I had to add about a dozen of them to my spellchecker just to write this obituary.

So what was your favorite Hostess Snack?

Thanks for the votes and comments (you can do both!) Please help make this a Top 10 by sharing it with your MFP friends. :)

Twinkie Ingredients:
Enriched wheat flour, sugar, corn syrup, niacin, water, high fructose corn syrup, vegetable and/or animal shortening - containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed and canola oil, and beef fat, dextrose, whole eggs, modified corn starch, cellulose gum, whey, leavenings (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate), salt, cornstarch, corn flour, corn syrup, solids, mono and diglycerides, soy lecithin, polysorbate 60, dextrin, calcium caseinate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, wheat gluten, calcium sulphate, natural and artificial flavors, caramel color, yellow No. 5, red #40.

60 votes + -

26 comments:

Snowridesbikes wrote 116 months ago:
Only things ibliked were the occasional ding dong. They just became too sweet I guess :) now if diet Pepsi ever goes away, my life just may be over!
johnwhitent wrote 116 months ago:
I didn't realize that Twinkies were a good source of water until I read the ingredient list you posted. My water intake problems could have been solved by eating Twinkies!
TrailRunner61 wrote 116 months ago:
Great post. I used to like the occasional ding dong (insert pun here), and about a year or so I had one. My tastes had changed some by then and I couldn't believe how 'grainy' the 'chocolate' felt. I don't know if it's because I had discovered Lindt Truffles or if I just never knew how gross they were to begin with! I also made a banana trifle out of Twinkies for my kids one time. It was kind of good. Oh well, someone will bring them back. I don't think I'll miss them though.
Hoppymom wrote 116 months ago:
You had me laughing at the title. I knew this would be another winner. Never was a huge fan maybe Twinkies or sno-balls in 3rd grade. I am more of a Little Debbie Snack Cake girl.
Mustangsally1000 wrote 116 months ago:
Great post...always makes me smile. Me? Hostess Chocolate cupcake..yummm, Little Debbie's don't even hold a candle to 'em! Just sayin'~
harleigh67 wrote 116 months ago:
The HO HO was my favorite I as a kid would shove the whole thing in my mouth and chew away, as I got older I learned to make them last longer I would peel the chocolate off and eat it first then slowly unroll the cake so I could lick the cream out off it! But when I would visit my dad on the construction site for lunch I would always buy a fruit pie to share with him....
JfMarrs wrote 116 months ago:
I never liked Twinkees but Raspberry Zingers were great as well as Funny Bones and Ring Dings.
dmpizza wrote 116 months ago:
I used to eat Drakes fruit pies while watching Flip Wilson.
Lyssa62 wrote 116 months ago:
my daughter works at our local walmart..people were blowing up the customer service phone last night inquiring about the status of hostess items. CRAZY! And she said people were just standing in the hostess section with their heads bowed as a homage to the departed ho's and twinks. RIP HOSTESS
bllowry wrote 116 months ago:
I've never eaten a Twinkie; I just could not get past that chemical smell they have (had). And after reading the ingredients, I feel good about that!
wisebadger53 wrote 116 months ago:
Another one to make me spit out my coffee! You crack me up David!
parallax693 wrote 116 months ago:
Great reading! I loved Hohos!
JustLindaLou wrote 116 months ago:
Suzy Qs were my weakness!!! And cupcakes and ding dongs and swiss rolls.... anything chocolate with that creamy filling.....
I guess now I will be bowing to the goddess Little Debbie when the "gotta gotta gotta have junk" craving strikes....
hollyrunner wrote 116 months ago:
Always liked Ding Dongs frozen!! Yum!!
janet0513 wrote 116 months ago:
I just love the orange Hostess cupcakes. They are my weekness.
jfrog123 wrote 116 months ago:
I will admit to scouring racks at the local stores the last couple of days looking for Hostess products. It really hits close to home because we have a Hostess factory in our town. When I drive through town I see the workers still walking picket lines outside the factory and am reminded of the human factor. There is a huge tall sign out front that you can see from miles away, and in big black letters it now says CLOSED. The "bakery thrift store" next door is closed, the windows are black, and they have pulled a semi-trailer across the parking spaces out front so there is no question in any ones mind as to the status of operations. I did not partake of Twinkies myself, but it is big news here. Our town may never smell like donuts again :-(
Chou_In_Motion wrote 116 months ago:
My mother loves those snow balls! It is sad....they are closing.. another great blog =)
cindyhoney2 wrote 116 months ago:
I truely must say since I don't eat that crap I am not going to miss them at all... :)
porterca wrote 116 months ago:
Suzzy Q's and Cupcakes!!!! *sigh*
cbirdso wrote 116 months ago:
The only thought that comes to mind is "Goodbye to bad rubbish" Sorry Hostess fans.
Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote 116 months ago:
Snow Balls!!! Pink, white ...it didn't matter. Notice I said "didn't" , I got that monkey off my back.
odditblue wrote 116 months ago:
LOL! I can't remember the last time I had a twinkie. =D
odditblue wrote 116 months ago:
Could somebody decide to do the same to pizza???? Please??? =D That and donuts.... evil... oh the evil and the desire for all that is bad... :D
pghsteelerfan wrote 116 months ago:
Since a judge has asked for both parties to talk at the table once again, there may be a resurrection closest to the second coming of Christ!!Or this was just a great ploy by the Board of directors to boost sales and lower workers wages...either way...America loved the Hostess brand. Suzy Q's were my forte'...i would wait as a little girl to see when my Dad came home from work, if he left any of his lunchcakes uneaten in his pail..Great memories..but a thing of the past...
jdhosier wrote 116 months ago:
The chocolate donut gems were my occasional guilty pleasure. Nothing like them on a cold morning in my cubicle with a hot cup of coffee.

They will not stay gone, I think. Someone will buy the brand and it will continue.

Great post, David.
holliwood322 wrote 115 months ago:
never have been a fan of the hostess thing, even as a kid. one, we never got to eat many of that type of thing, not much money. the few times i did eat them, and my mom actually worked at the hostess store for awhile if you can believe that!! but i did like the susie q's sometimes. it was usually a 2 day process to eat 1 of those. i probably won't miss Twinkie the kid at all.

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