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Guys and Weight Loss: A Primer

I'm a guy. There are lots of ways to tell without removing my clothes. Ever since I lost almost 80 pounds I can do even more "guy defining" stunts like flipping my underwear with my foot and catching it in my hand to put in the laundry, all without throwing out my back.

Living on my own, I can resort to being the guy I once was before I lived with 4 woman.

My new apartment has two rooms, one for me and one for my electronics and the boxes with the Styrofoam that they came packed in. And no one will toss them out either! I have a room-mate and he is a self proclaimed "anal" character. At least he sees himself clearly. His collapsible veggie steamer is still in the box it came in and when it a retrieved from the dishwasher (which can only be loaded in a very certain pattern), it goes back in the box.

He also is a salesman for Little Debbie's but as a health nut, he doesn't bring any home. Thank God!

My new life includes:
- Grocery shopping in 15 minutes because I buy the same stuff every time.
- Eat over the sink so I don't have to wash dishes.
- I can leave dishes in the sink if I have to use them.
- I measure everything so I don't have leftovers.
- I buy new clothes so I don't have to do laundry
- My socks never disappear
- I run up the stairs two at a time
- I can sleep in whatever I want to
- I can set the thermostat on meat locker
- There are no flavored coffee creams in the 'frig.
- I say I watch chick-flicks so I can a date. (Lethal Weapon was a chick-flick, right?)
- I run when I want to.
- There is no chocolate or feminine products in the house
- Bacon is part of most meals
- I have 3 laundry baskets: clean, dirty, and wear again
- The shower is always free
- I get the remote to myself
- I leave the toilet seat up if I want to
- I eat beans for protein, and no one cares if I toot
- There are no unexplained charges on my credit card.
- I can eat beef every night if I want to.
- If I make it, I know what's in it!
- I can drive a red sports car (and I do!)

Of course there is the down side of living as a single guy... no one vacuums or dusts.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

46 votes + -

18 comments:

johnwhitent wrote 92 months ago:
Lots of win in there! Funny and oh so true. We can play like there are no downsides, and there is no one to tell us differently.
landay wrote 92 months ago:
Love it!! There are some definite up-sides to living the single life. Some of my favorites are what you listed above - I've thoroughly enjoyed being in charge of my own meals (omelletes every night, if I want!), being in charge of all the money that goes out, and not having someone to fuss at me for what I don't do.
cbmcphillips wrote 92 months ago:
There is no chocolate of feminine products in the house

chocolate feminine products.... hmmm.... no thanks... and luckily past that stage lol....:)

but please don't get between me and my chocolate or coffee... you won't survive..

as for me ... more of a zumba freak - and yes, I do freak out..lol

Carol
_Zardoz_ wrote 92 months ago:
Oh I love this especially the laundry baskets
RUNNING_AMOK_1958 wrote 92 months ago:
The next time I go shopping I think I'll tell my husband I bought new clothes because I didn't have any clean ones. I'll tell him you gave me the idea. ?
Anonymous wrote 92 months ago:
I don't think it sounds sad, I think it sounds awesome. In fact I think I'll dump the old trouble and strife and start living the single guy life
Junken__Diraffe wrote 92 months ago:
I think this is looking at the bright side of his new life. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! As a newly single woman, I can definitely relate to the spirit with which this was written, though some of the specifics are different!
runaroundsue51 wrote 92 months ago:
I am a woman, but I can relate to most of this. I am married, and except a couple exceptions I can do nothing about, yours is like a wish list....lol.
fatboy235 wrote 92 months ago:
Having a 4 year old son and a wife, the thoughts and memories of the single life brought a tear to my eye and an even tougher grip on my wallet. Very well done Sir and thanks for the laugh on this Wednesday morning.
darkguardian419 wrote 92 months ago:
Yep... kiiinda jealous....
dsjohndrow wrote 92 months ago:
For the record, there are a lot of sad things about the single life. That said, once you have had a heart attack and live through it, you learn to live every moment and look for the positive in every single situation. David
DEEDLYNN wrote 92 months ago:
I'm not sure if I like this one or not....LOL. I've always thought you were married....and now I see you in the modern day version of the "Odd Couple". LOL
holliwood322 wrote 92 months ago:
a bright outlook on your new life, but where will your young daughter stay when she is over? perhaps your new roomie can give her cooking lessons using the boxed up steamer! keep moving forward, life does not wait. hope your health and life are getting back on track friend.
sofaking6 wrote 92 months ago:
Why don't you just use paper plates and sit down to eat? -confirmed bachelorette
MyChocolateDiet wrote 92 months ago:
my husband frequently accuses me of buying new clothes so as not to have to do laundry....can I haz ManCard now?

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