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Getting A Handle On It! Improvement!

Holy smokes, life can get downright overwhelming. Work, single-parenting, softball games, my oldest getting married in October, food shopping, laundry, house cleaning, some significant health issues and - oh yeah, breathing. In the middle of that, I have to manage food and exercise.

It's enough to make someone go on a eating binge!

After doing this food and exercise thing for over 5 years, I have sort of lost my mojo. When I got sick in October, I started to feel like the old me. The one that didn’t really care about my food choices. First it was the quantity of food, and then it was the quality. I kept telling myself things like, "don't deny yourself this treat." "It's a cheat day." "You'll get back on track the next meal." "Gaining weight is a side effect of the medications - really, it is!"

The scale didn't listen, it just went up 15 pounds.

I ran less, felt worse and ate more. If I keep this up, all that I have gained could be lost. This journey is a matter of constant vigilance. I am angry at me, and angry at my body. I have worked harder - probably harder than most to overcome the unfit, overweight mess that I was 5 years ago.

I feel like giving up.

It just seems like an uphill battle and I confess, I didn't feel like fighting it. Every run was difficult and I didn't feel great. Emotionally, the bazillion doctor’s appointments took their toll. I kept on saying after this is over. The truth is, that for the rest of my life, I am going to need skin checks for melanoma, my yearly endoscopy for colon cancer and for now, I am continuing the surveillance of prostate cancer.

There really isn't an "after this."

I took a long walk on the beach with someone who cares about me. It was there that I decided that I would have to reclaim my life. One pound at a time. One mile at a time. One meal at a time. Out there with the crashing waves and salt air, it all seemed to fall in place. It helped having some support.

First I would have to give up what was.

I had to admit I am not fit enough to run a marathon. That I am not fit enough to run a personal best in a half marathon. Hell, not even in a 5K. That wasn't going to stop me. I registered for a half marathon. I ran my best effort and it was 14 minutes slower than my best ever. It was also the longest distance I have run since December.

I finished and I win! :P

I registered for a 5K. It was 3 minutes slower than my best. I was very disappointed, But I ran. So I ran another one this past weekend. It was 2 minutes slower than my best; however, I took 2nd in my age group.

One race at a time, I will improve. I have another this Saturday.

The food has been more difficult. I bought some new smaller portion tubs and a new food scale. I just have to reduce the quantity. For the most part, the quality is back up! I logged half a day and I WILL get back to logging it all.

I was thinking that running is more fun with someone else.

I went for a run with an MFP friend last week (thanks Kristin!). We had a lot of fun. I have a run with another buddy this week. He and I ran Boston last year. We registered for the London Marathon lottery yesterday. I also have neighbor that I run with when she is around. I am back to running 4 or 5 days a week. It's not the 180 miles a month I once did. I improved from 65 in March to 85 miles April.

I win.

I also am making sure I get my Fitbit steps in. 10,00 per day if I have to put it on the dog's collar; it WILL happen!

The message today is this; whatever life has for me, I am only living it today. Today I am going to win. My goals are to improve. Improve from where I am now and not lamenting the leaner faster me of last year.

I am just going to make the me I am today better than it was.

I have had a struggle with faith and love and some of those things which tend to stabilize me. It wasn’t that I lost faith. It was more that I wasn’t connecting. I am also making progress there.

For today, I believe just like I have since 1978. I believe in the power of love to transform me. I also believe in me - that I can receive it. That’s progress. It’s cost me a few tears. I have also made a list of stuff I need to address in life so I can be more stress free. Making the list helped. Making a few phone calls I will never have to make again was really great.

Faith is important to me. I didn't get this far on willpower alone.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

Friend me at your own risk.

73 votes + -

17 comments:

luluinca wrote 74 months ago:
As someone who has had several, or more, setbacks herself but somehow finds a way to keep going and striving for improvement...........I applaud you!

Stay Strong!
PlantBasedRnr wrote 74 months ago:
I am pretty sure that putting your Fitbit on the dogs collar would be cheating!

Great post - I really appreciate the fact that you are real with us and honest and open... I am in no way comparing myself to the struggles you have been through but I get it... There are times when all of us feel like giving in and giving up... I really haven't been the most dedicated to this whole thing the last couple weeks and it is starting to take a mental toll on me so again, I get it...

This post came at just the right time - thanks for reminding us that we are all human, we all slip up now and then... and thanks for reminding me that I need to get my butt in gear.
itzWicks wrote 74 months ago:
Bottom line up front: When you make ripples, you are creating tsunami-like impacts on the people who are willingly in your wake.

I am wet yet again. Thank you, and keep up the fight!
JDiane55 wrote 74 months ago:
Hey! well done you for getting back in the mode , I can relate to a lot of the things you have said regarding cheat days and not denying yourself and I'm ALWAYs going to get back on track tomorrow so it was refreshing to hear I'm not alone ! thanx for showing theres only me can get back on my journey and improve my life! thanx ! Keep on running!
swat1948 wrote 74 months ago:
I too, pretty much stopped caring when I became aware that my husband was not going to live much longer. I ate anything and everything, like that would make things easier to take. Then when he passed away I took another month of eating a see food diet. Now I am fighting to lose those pounds I put on 2 months later and it's definitely not easy to do. Like I said before, I can't run, Doctor's orders, but I can and will eat better and get healthier again. No excuses accepted. You'll always be an inspiration to me and many others, but it's nice to know that you're human too.
Genette38 wrote 73 months ago:
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm in a similar place right now and your words echo how I'm feeling. Sad, overwhelmed, tired etc. My diet in the last week has been pretty disgusting. Ran the 10k to work yesterday and yes, I used to run it in under an hour, yes, I walked an awful lot of it and yes, I hurt last night but it was a staring point. A place to kick off from. Looking forward to my second half marathon in September (I did the Bath half in 2012) and planning to run my first marathon next year. I look forward to sharing the journey with you!
Leahbcc wrote 73 months ago:
Always taking it one step at a time and pushing yourself...I admire you
nats2508 wrote 73 months ago:
Just one foot in front of the other and you're moving, however slow, its progress. Thanks once again for a great post and keep looking ahead x
saylorkw wrote 73 months ago:
great post, thanks for sharing.
MaryQueenofWalking wrote 73 months ago:
This really called out to me - each day we can begin again - not eating the sweet thing - taking a walk - not making one more excuse. Thank you!
joey4014 wrote 73 months ago:
Great Post.

I came to the realization, kicking and screaming, that we are never 'done.'

We will always, at all times, be on our health & wellness programs. There is no finish line. Yes, we may fall off, but getting back on as soon as possible and continuing our way of life is what's important.

Our way of life is: logging our meals (if not officially on mfp , at least mentally), exercising and being positive about the fact that we are able to.

Here's to everyone staying strong and remembering, during those downtimes, that we are human.
LisaPrust wrote 73 months ago:
I SO appreciate your transparency. So much! Your blog is one of the only ones I seek out, as it speaks to me each time! I'm so glad that you were able to move into a better place in your heart and mind. It is a constant battle, no doubt about it. Thank you for being willing to share your life with all of us, such a blessing.
missee wrote 73 months ago:
Thanks so much!
thenananator wrote 73 months ago:
Such a great post! Such a great post.... I am not sure how old you are but as a 51 year old that messed around her entire adult life, never paying attention to my health or my body and now living with the regret of missing out on so much when I was younger simply because I was too heavy....well, to you I say: Carpe Diem....today is the day, you are doing it, no regrets, keep going ! Love your journey...we only get one journey~! Thank you for sharing and all the best to you!
Harleygirl2014 wrote 73 months ago:
Thank you so much for your wise words, your sharing on a deep level. It makes me realize that sitting doing nothing and making excuses for unhealthy behaviours will just become an anchor to ill health both physical and mental. You make me want to succeed no matter the obstacles, big or small. Thank you.

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