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Food with Benefits - Top 10 Aphrodisiac Foods

Tomorrow is the day on which Cupid unloads his quiver of love drunk arrows upon mankind. Ever since Santa lost weight, he's been moonlighting as the Little Love Archer. Today in his honor, I am going to write about food, but not just any food. This is food with benefits.

According to AlterNet, there are 10 foods that should increase the odds of you getting lucky. And today is the day to stop practicing and mate!

Here is my anecdotal take on the top 10:

-10 Asparagus: I don't know what's in there, but I like 'em. As far as sex goes, I'm not thinking that my wife will appreciate the fiber, you know what I mean? Apparently they boost the production of histamine which helps with orgasms. I dunno, maybe if you have a cold it can help too. I think the best thing they have going for them is their shape. Possibly if you had a long enough one you could use it for a whip.

-9 Almonds: Now we're talking. I love almonds. If they were liquid, I would take a bath in them. Instead of tequila I think you can use them for body shots. I guess they were fertility symbols at one time. I am thinking without nuts, there isn't much chance, you know? The article says that it works best on woman; probably why I don't know.

-8 Avocado: The Aztecs called the avocado ahuacuatl, or "testicle tree." After you stop laughing, think about all the uses it the pit might have. I think we are done talking about avocados.

-7 Bananas: The banana is no stranger to sexual activity. I was at a party once - never mind. Apparently if you eat them it increases the male libido. I think when I was a teenager it worked. I still eat bananas, but I guess I am immune to their effect now a days. I'd probably have better luck if someone else would eat it and I watched.

-6 Basil: Now I really like basil in my food. It is common spice in my house. But when it comes increasing the desire, I never thought of keeping a shaker of it in the bedroom. I guess the only drawback is if my wife says, "What's that in your teeth?" Until then, I think we'll stick to Channel No. 5.

-5 Chocolate: I am with you on this one. I like chocolate so much I would have sex by myself.

-4 Figs: Figs make me think of camels, and camels make me think of spitting - it's not working for me. And besides, Adam and Eve covered their privates with fig leaves. That's like having kids banging on the bedroom door.

-3 Garlic: It's good for your heart and your blood flow; it's the Viagara of the natural world! Now guys, if you can get someone to get close after eating it, you might be in luck. My wife said it would probably be better if I mowed the lawn and took out the garbage.

-2 Oysters: Anything that looks like the flu is suspect. I will admit, that this is my favorite food ever, and I am going to check to calendar to see how lucky they made me! I can assure you that it is not sushi. I put in a little extra wasabi in the soy once, and my wife lost her contact lens as it cascaded down her cheek. That was not lucky.

-1 Honey: Well, it is supposed to increase hormones which make us want to rip our mates clothes off! The problem at my house is that I can't get the stupid cover off it once it has been opened and we lose the desire if I have to go shopping.

I don't know about you, but I am going to take my chances with flowers, chocolate and a thoughtful card, right after I take out the garbage.
 
Thanks for the votes and comments!

I know, it's a rerun from last year but it still made me chuckle.

42 votes + -

8 comments:

katrwal wrote 113 months ago:
good rerun :) - and, yes - taking out the garbage and doing the dishes are the best...
MaryRegs wrote 113 months ago:
I wasn't in the "club" last year at this time-so thanks for the great laugh at work!!
Denjo060 wrote 113 months ago:
OMG thanks for reposting this I didnt see it last year this is hilarious I love the part about the asparagus being used as a whip and the oyster looking like the flue
Chou_In_Motion wrote 113 months ago:
LMAO I was not on MFP at this time so I am glad you re-posted it.
texmexmomma wrote 113 months ago:
LMFAO!! Testicle tree, oh man I shot water out my nose while at work, good thing no one saw!
odditblue wrote 113 months ago:
LOVE it! Thanks for the second laugh. :D
meredith1123 wrote 112 months ago:
FUNNY! I love the banana story...oh wait nevermind. =)

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