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Food, Sex and Valentines Day

Cupid has unleashed his love drunk fury today. The good news for folks who love food is that you can help bring things to a climax by eating some of the food mentioned below. 

No one has the more need for a bedroom boost than the folks on MFP. ;)

So here's to getting the blood flowing, the neurotransmitters rocking, and the clothes flying in the air.

-1 Oysters: Anything that looks like the flu is suspect. I will admit that this is my favorite food ever, and I am going to check to calendar to see how lucky they made me! I can assure you that it is not sushi.

-2 Chili Peppers: This is supposed to improve the "heat of the moment." I guess if you like kissing when your ears are numb from pain, there is a lot more I don't want to know. Oh wait, are we talking about a band?

-3 Avocado: The Aztecs called the avocado ahuacuatl, or "testicle tree." After you stop laughing, think about all the uses it the pit might have. I think we are done talking about avocados.

-4 Chocolate:  I am with you on this one. I like chocolate so much I would have sex by myself. Dopamine and PEA can be your imaginary friends. 

-5 Bananas: The banana is no stranger to sexual activity. I was at a party once - never mind. Apparently if you eat them it increases the male libido. I think when I was a teenager it worked. I still eat bananas, but I guess I am immune to their effect now a days. I'd probably have better luck if someone else would eat it and I watched.

-6 Honey: Well, it is supposed to increase hormones which make us want to rip our mate’s clothes off! The problem at my house is that I can't get the stupid cover off it once it has been opened, and we lose the desire if I have to go shopping. So much for boron and whatever the hell else is trapped in there.

-7 Coffee = Sex. I have 3-4 cups of sex every day.

-8 Watermelon: I can't see a seed spitting contest as a romantic contribution. Confused? Me too!

-9 Pine Nuts: Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't. If your Valentines celebration includes a hike in the woods, be sure to pick some up.

-10 Arugula: Because every good meal starts with a salad!

-11 Olive Oil: Critical for blood flow and hormone production. More importantly, if you forgot the lubricant, you probably have some in the kitchen.

-12 Figs: Figs make me think of camels, and camels make me think of spitting - it's not working for me. And besides, Adam and Eve covered their privates with fig leaves. That's like having kids banging on the bedroom door.

-13 Strawberries: Best when covered with chocolate. I am sure there is stuff in there that makes you want to do the deed. But it's the color!

-14 Artichokes: Mostly a legend. Sometimes sex is a legend. Just saying.

-15 Chai Tea: The Viagara of the Starbucks generation.

-16 Pomegranates: Rumored to increase genital sensitivity. Really? I'll stick with silk or Egyptian cotton. It's easier to wash.

-17 Cherries: Lots of melatonin and other good stuff. If you eat a lot of this legendary fruit, you can fall asleep before there is any meaningful conversation.

-18 Pumpkin seeds: These little wonders are supposed to raise the testosterone levels. Just be sure to scoop out you seeds in advance.

-19 Whipped Cream: Because.

I don't know about you, but I am going to take my chances with flowers, chocolate and a thoughtful card, right after I take out the garbage.

Thanks for the votes and comments. Friend me at your own risk.

The original list was found here, but I wrote an adaption in my book: ICU to Marathon:
 

16 votes + -

7 comments:

cycleholic wrote 66 months ago:
I read this at work. I laughed. Really loud. Now my coworkers are looking at me, well, like I'm crazy...Thanks!!! And Happy Valentine's Day to you!
marlown wrote 66 months ago:
Hilarious! Thanks for the V day laughs.
SheilaCali wrote 66 months ago:
Great list! By the way, married for 25 years. I made chocolate covered strawberries for dessert tonight. I ate 4, he ate 2- with our coffee (double espresso with caffeine), of course. He was asleep within the hour (before 7pm). Aphrodisiacs work great when you're awake, not sleep deprived. Happy V day to me.
Leahbcc wrote 65 months ago:
Love this
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