Finding Strength
Posted on 7/14/2015 by dsjohndrow
Have you had a day where nothing seems to go right? Have you been awake late at night thinking about your failures? Have you gotten up early in the morning only to feel overwhelmed? I know I have.
So many of those days I got up with zero strength.
Feeling completely powerless happened a few times in life - well, quite a few times. Four years ago when I was getting serious about weight loss, I would lay in bed and feel like I would never accomplish anything. I was about 100 pounds overweight. In spite of how I felt, I lost about 60 pounds that first year. I had a lot of health issues ranging from congestive heart failure to a torn meniscus and a torn rotator cuff.
Being a beast was physically impossible.
Some days I would get up and feel like I would never recover from heart disease. The truth was it was unlikely that I would anyway. Every obstacle caused me the same sort of crises in confidence. You see, I never recovered from heart disease before; why would I think that I could? Back in the 80s I tried to be a rock star. I met a lot the famous musicians and was well connected. No matter how hard I tried, I never got a recording contract. My failures were not for lack of trying, but actual limitations.
I hate limitations!
Finding our limitations is actually a relief. Unless we try, we have no idea what we are capable of. There was a time when I didn't think I could run a 5K. But then I ran a 10K, a half marathon and have since completed 6 marathons - with a few more scheduled before years end.
The hard part is a daily dose of strength.
Most of you know that I did beat heart disease. I am off all my heart meds and I didn't need a heart transplant. Recently I have been battling cancer. A year after I had melanoma, the skin cancer showed up again. In between episodes, I got divorced and now I am moving again. Some days I'd get up and don't want to eat the right things.
I need strength.
Some days I don't have the strength to take care of myself as I should. This time I had three surgeries in one week. I would just start feeling OK, and then I was back under the knife. The pinch of local anesthesia. The pull of sutures. The smell of antiseptic. One hour past, two hours past, three hours past, four hours past...
I was beyond my own strength.
It's been almost 2 weeks. I have endured a lot. I am feeling better. I will have my sutures out tomorrow. I just don't seem to be able to find the strength I need for everything else. My MFP community reminds and inspires me to be vigilant. I belong to an online cancer support group. I am reminded that it could be a lot worse.
So I am living today like it's my last. I am saving for retirement and spending the rest. I am still very aware of what I eat. When I can run, I run.
Running gives me strength.
So many of those days I got up with zero strength.
Feeling completely powerless happened a few times in life - well, quite a few times. Four years ago when I was getting serious about weight loss, I would lay in bed and feel like I would never accomplish anything. I was about 100 pounds overweight. In spite of how I felt, I lost about 60 pounds that first year. I had a lot of health issues ranging from congestive heart failure to a torn meniscus and a torn rotator cuff.
Being a beast was physically impossible.
Some days I would get up and feel like I would never recover from heart disease. The truth was it was unlikely that I would anyway. Every obstacle caused me the same sort of crises in confidence. You see, I never recovered from heart disease before; why would I think that I could? Back in the 80s I tried to be a rock star. I met a lot the famous musicians and was well connected. No matter how hard I tried, I never got a recording contract. My failures were not for lack of trying, but actual limitations.
I hate limitations!
Finding our limitations is actually a relief. Unless we try, we have no idea what we are capable of. There was a time when I didn't think I could run a 5K. But then I ran a 10K, a half marathon and have since completed 6 marathons - with a few more scheduled before years end.
The hard part is a daily dose of strength.
Most of you know that I did beat heart disease. I am off all my heart meds and I didn't need a heart transplant. Recently I have been battling cancer. A year after I had melanoma, the skin cancer showed up again. In between episodes, I got divorced and now I am moving again. Some days I'd get up and don't want to eat the right things.
I need strength.
Some days I don't have the strength to take care of myself as I should. This time I had three surgeries in one week. I would just start feeling OK, and then I was back under the knife. The pinch of local anesthesia. The pull of sutures. The smell of antiseptic. One hour past, two hours past, three hours past, four hours past...
I was beyond my own strength.
It's been almost 2 weeks. I have endured a lot. I am feeling better. I will have my sutures out tomorrow. I just don't seem to be able to find the strength I need for everything else. My MFP community reminds and inspires me to be vigilant. I belong to an online cancer support group. I am reminded that it could be a lot worse.
So I am living today like it's my last. I am saving for retirement and spending the rest. I am still very aware of what I eat. When I can run, I run.
Running gives me strength.
This too shall pass, but in the mean time, you arent alone.
Everyone has those battles and adversities they have overcome, so you are a survivor too, so just keep doing it. ? ? -Roberta
Sending prayers and good thoughts your way with the cancer. That's tough and yet you are still on here staying positive and eating for whats right for you. Amazing
You have been through so much and have kept the ultimate goal of being healthy your major focus. I think you obviously have what it takes. I to workout for similar reasons and wish to be around for my loved ones. Really enjoyed you sharing your life with us through your blog. You are an inspiration. Keep it up!
Andrew