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Cancer Still Sucks, But Guess What

Some of you know that I have been around here for a few years. 2005 days to be exact. It's not that important. I stuck with the plan and lost a lot of weight, not to mention I can run a marathon, and fit in some much smaller clothes.

I also made some people on the message boards mad.

I have had a lot more than 5 surgeries since I showed up as a Photoshopped profile picture on MFP. The heart surgery was only cosmetic. :) I had my knee repaired and I liked that so much I also had my rotator cuff repaired too.

In the fall of 2013, just a few weeks before my first marathon, I had a surgical biopsy.

The diagnosis? A malignant tumor. WTF?! What I really wanted was liposuction and a tummy tuck to complete the weight loss process. According to the doctor, it was a small tumor. Compared to what, I don't know - maybe my head.

Cancer sucks. We all know why.

As a follow up, I have had 5 needle biopsies in 3 years. My previous experiences were not a lot of fun. I am pretty much immune to the effects of lidocaine, a local anaesthetic. Instead of switching me to something new, they gave me more of the one that doesn't work. Did I say I was pretty much immune to the effects?

You may want to cover the children's eyes.


Here is a half naked guy with an ultrasound probe strategically placed in the location where my ex-wife swears my head was. Truthfully it felt more like they took all the office furniture and shoved it up there. And oh damn, then they accidentally were a little rough on whatever it is up there that doesn't get a touch of local anesthesia. Then they proceed with the biopsy which feels like you were snapped with a large rubber band on the buttocks. 12 times.

Did I mention they took 2 needles to inject antibiotics, one of which was pure molten steel?

Before the procedure I was just wishing it was over because I know. After the procedure, I just wish I was dead. Recovery includes blood. Supposedly it's not much, but I consider mine almost as precious as that of Jesus. When given the option, I like to keep it in my body.

As I stated earlier, I have had a number of surgeries and none of them hurt like this.

The ladies are thinking, "oh, now you know what it's like to give birth." Well, I did ask for an epidural and never got one. But whatever it is I gave birth to, I won't have to send it to college or pay for a wedding.

When you have been diagnosed with cancer (4 times), you think about a lot of things.

Will I die? This sucks and will it suck more? What is the treatment? Can I run? Will I miss work? Will the treatment make me feel sick? And will I die? That questions shows up more often then, "Is there sex in Heaven?"

Venting a little helps. The problem is that someone would rather tell you about an uncle who died from cancer then spend much time just letting you ramble.

This week I gained access to the Berlin Marathon in September of 2017. So here I am, on the verge of one of the most amazing experiences of my lifetime (however long that is), and I don't get to think about it that much. I have to see the surgeon, and last I heard, my stage 1 cells were almost stage 2. We will discuss the treatment options soon.

64 votes + -

25 comments:

nancyleephillips wrote 66 months ago:
I don't know that I have any words of comfort or peace, but I am willing to listen anytime you need to vent. Sending positive energy for peace for you, my friend.
CharlesScott78 wrote 66 months ago:
Thanks for sharing. None of us know what life is going to throw at us. It seems to me you are facing life with your eyes wide open. I am sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Charles
PoisonDartFrog wrote 66 months ago:
Thanks for sharing. You certainly are an inspiration. and feel free to ramble here any time.
Secondly, congrats on Berlin...I look forward to hearing about it....just have to wait 9 months.
farmboyphotography wrote 66 months ago:
I don't know how you manage humor no matter the amount of adversity you face head-on. You are an inspiration for a lot of people. You may even be legendary on MFP! Good luck to you, sir! Stay strong and good luck when you get to Berlin.
jackflak wrote 66 months ago:
I know how you feel brother. It felt like a rubber band snapping against the boys. And then blood and zero feeling down there afterward for nearly two weeks. I kidded with the Dr and his assistants with a demand for a steak dinner after having their way with me . positive thoughts!
USAMcK wrote 66 months ago:
Great strength and great humor!

My bf's dad is a Vietnam veteran who has been battling various forms of cancer for the last 25 years. Most recently he is in remission from metastatic stage 4 colon cancer. It's honestly incredible. I give you guys a lot of credit.
swat1948 wrote 66 months ago:
You are permitted to vent. I vent here quite often and my issues are no where near as severe as yours. Great news about the Berlin Marathon. Ramble on...
ILoveGingerNut wrote 66 months ago:
Not sure about local anesthetics different from lidocaine. General anesthetics? Gas? Mild (or not) sedation? Speak with your doctor, before the next procedure ;)
dsjohndrow wrote 66 months ago:
I had the talk about sedation. I am very sensitive to that stuff. The stupid anesthesiologist decided she knew more than me. For Pete's sake, I have had 17 procedures in 5 years. I know what works.
Mustangsally1000 wrote 66 months ago:
Vent away.. There is a lot of anger that goes along with these diagnoses. And...I'm so so sorry. Any time you wanna talk, you know where to find me. We are still dealing...every day... Hugs!
Laurie6578 wrote 66 months ago:
We essentially are all dying just at different paces..you my friend are more alive than 99.9 percent of the people I know!!! Stay strong and keep running for us all!!!
ChihuahuaMeme wrote 66 months ago:
I hope you live life to it's fullest because you sound like a person with a real positive attitude. By that I mean you share your experiences with others and can joke about it. I congratulate you for every success you have made in your life and will continue to make. Best Wishes.
Laura80111 wrote 66 months ago:
I love your Vent with the humor you are able to put into it. Yep Cancer Sucks and you have my prayers for more strength to get through this once again. You are an inspiration to those of us that have never run a marathon...good running to you.
Sharony56 wrote 66 months ago:
Great news about the Berlin Marathon. It will give you a reason to stay positive. My son has cancer, but he will exercise as long as he can, as often as he can. He runs, too, but he hasn't entered in any marathons, YET!
CANCER SUCKS! Keep running!!
ktgal50 wrote 66 months ago:
I appreciated your post, your humor & your attitude. Having some health issues of the female sort and you inspired me to keep strong. Thank you for your honest venting. We just have to do that sometimes. Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way.
kmille65 wrote 66 months ago:
I'm a survivor, AND YOU ARE, TOO!
FarmerCarla wrote 66 months ago:
God keeps you here for a reason. You won't leave until He's accomplished what he needs to accomplish with your life. Keep looking up and making the most of the blessings and trials you've been given. A dear friend I grew up with has lived with stage 4 cancer for a number of years. It's slowly spread throughout her body, but God keeps her going. A few years ago, she told me the cancer has been a blessing, because it's provided an opportunity to share her faith with many people. I'm saying a prayer for God's perfect will in your life, and I pray you'll glorify Him in every situation. God bless you.
Hoppymom wrote 66 months ago:
You are a shining example of how resilience looks and sounds. Yes shitty things happen but you prove that we can pick ourselves up and keep moving forward. We don't have to wallow in self-pity or give up. You've shown up for over 2000 days and you work the program just the way it's supposed to be done. Like the US postal service, neither rain, nor snow, nor dark of night, (or cancer) can keep you from doing what you need to do to stay healthy. Stay strong. We're praying for you.
ydailey wrote 66 months ago:
I have no helpful words, but I see you still have a sense of humor and I'll bet it'll be your greatest asset in navigating whatever comes next.
samraniam wrote 66 months ago:
I know, getting them to listen is IMPOSSIBLE! It's like I've been in this body over 50 years now and been doing the cancer stuff the last 2, so I know how my body reacts! Duh!
I got on a plane to South Sudan, 6-week medical mission trip, just 3 weeks after chemo and radiation was done.
It was awesome because girls also shave their heads there so my fuzzy cue ball fit in!
None of us know how much time we have left, let's live!!
New to MFP but I've slowly, deliberately lost 40# this year. I want to be more accountable to myself.
BodhichitaJack wrote 66 months ago:
I love your anger! It is such a powerful force for life.
I love how you press on with living. Bravo!
smoremelts81 wrote 66 months ago:
Hey :-) I.am just about to start my journey, I.don't have Cancer and I'm terrified of getting it, I am 35 and just lost a friend same age to Cancer but that's not why I wrote, I just lost another really good friend same age (35) she had 4 kids, 1 under 2 to a mix of abuse and depression. I think of these and want to change the life I have a.choice to change (does that make sense?)

I loved your honesty and your determination and also your anger, I am sure you will reach your goals and will be running soon, if you ever want a friendly ear and someone who will listen and really care please pm me.

Good luck and let's hope.2017 is the year both our lives change for the positive.

Kelly x

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