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Can You Hear Me Now? Unfortunately Yes!

Gym goers are often annoying, and on occasion I would like to say, "Have a nice cup of shut the FRONT door!"

If you are serious about losing weight, you've probably gone to a gym, or possibly thought about joining one. Although most people have an iPod and mind their own business, there are still those that insist on old fashioned communication: mindless gum flapping. Evidently, they need more strenuous workouts.
Here are some things I have overheard; many, which I wish I didn't.

"I was wondering if I could bum a pair of headphones?" (Fat man to cute girl.)

"I just completed a marathon. CSI, yeah, I love Gil Grissom." (I think this was a pickup line!)

"Can I adjust your heart rate monitor, it looks a little low?" (I didn't dear look over my shoulder!)

"No kidding, you did that without human growth hormones?"

"Those are huge!"

"Tell me, does my backside make your car look small."

"I am not drooling; I forgot the cap to my water bottle."

"I think my arms are swollen."

"Now ladies lay on your backs."  (Trainers, right?)

"I know that all the other treadmills are empty, but this one has the best view."

"My trainer hates me, I don't groan, I scream."

"Now class, pick up your balls." (The same trainers!)

"For the next excruciating minute..."

"This is a kettle bell; no it doesn't ring, but if you drop it on your foot…"

"I swear invisible jump rope is harder than the real thing."

"Gentleman, these are treadmills, let's get it up."

"I am using the new video treadmill program but I don't like these people on the path, they slow me down."

"I didn't spit in the drinking fountain, I threw up." (First week of a new lifestyle.)

"I swear if that guy cracks a pose in front of the mirror one more time, I am going to throw a dumbbell at him!"

"Get off the floor, we are just getting started!"

"Pssst - Just because you have headphones on doesn't mean that people can't hear you fart."

Thanks in advance for the comments and votes, you guys are awesome! (And it is directly tied to my self esteem barometer.)

Friend me if you are low on wise guy support.

121 votes + -


sk2775 wrote 129 months ago:
lol!!! Thanks for the laugh this morning. Your blogs are awesome. I am not a huge fan of the gym and have not ventured down to my condo gym throughout this entire process..but after reading your blog and all this "fun" conversation that seems to be happening in the gym these days, I am thinking that I should head down there for some laughs one of these!!!
smashleymcgee wrote 129 months ago:
The last one was my personal favorite :). Well done today!
SmartFunGorgeous wrote 129 months ago:
I read the first line as "I wonder if I could B-U-R-N a pair of headphones" and I was like, is that some new type of pick-up line I haven't heard of? I don't get it. Then, right before I asked you what the heck that was, I realized it said "b-u-m." Ah! NOW I get it! =)
Black_Swan wrote 129 months ago:
Ahahah LOL that was funny... luckily I have no bad experience hahaha... our gym is big but kind of cozy!
aliciagetshealthy wrote 129 months ago:
Hilarious!! ...always wondered if I was missing out on something by not using a gym!
muitobem wrote 129 months ago:
I used to belong to a gym and the convos that could be overheard! Especially since it was more a neighborhood/close community gym...geez!! If you wanted to know about anyone, just listen as eventually you'd hear something!!
Love the blog!!
StevLL wrote 129 months ago:
So true, so true. Well done sir!
staroftheeast wrote 129 months ago:
Geee. These make me wish even more there was a gym here. I can always use a good laugh. thanks for sharing.
arosmith79 wrote 129 months ago:
Well done yet again!
alienblonde1 wrote 129 months ago:
So true lol ..... Theres a couple of "ladies" at our gym that no matter where they are in the gym everyone can hear every thing they say. Wish someone would tell them to shut up or at least quiet down
STARSHINE1975 wrote 129 months ago:
"I know that all the other treadmills are empty, but this one has the best view."

I didn't hear this one, but I was at the gym at 5am, picked the farthest most isolated treadmill to do my HIIT on and some guy decided the one next to me would be the best choice when the rest were empty. Don't try your pick up lines on me when I'm running 9 mph! Are you trying to kill me?!
windyweather88 wrote 129 months ago:
"Pssst - Just because you have headphones on doesn't mean that people can't hear you fart."

Awesome, haha!
floshideaway wrote 129 months ago:
Too funny, I do like the last one best...
bluemist248 wrote 129 months ago:
Hahahaha! I howled with laughter reading that!
vtempes wrote 129 months ago:
LMAO!!!! Thanks for my morning dose of laughter!!!
Hoppymom wrote 129 months ago:
Thanks. So funny!
rachemn wrote 129 months ago:
Hilarious!! Especially the farting! OMG...I've seen people do that. Ugh! My gym is fairly small considering it's used by so many people and the conversations can be priceless!
SheShe1987 wrote 129 months ago:
Awesome...thanx for the laugh! I've actually been next to someone who did that on a treadmill...I told her to just think of it as a turbo boost, and she about fell off laughing! LOL
chyloet wrote 129 months ago:
What gym to you go to? So I can avoid it! lol!
_gwen wrote 129 months ago:
Keep 'em coming, these are great!
mfpseven wrote 129 months ago:
"I swear invisible jump rope is harder than the real thing." best one, mostly because I swear I've heard it before lol
harleigh67 wrote 129 months ago:
I love it someone else who sees the humor in the obvious all around us.....made my day!
jewls1969 wrote 129 months ago:
Love it!! This reminds me of some of my aggravations at the gym. If you are talking on a phone while running on a treadmill, you make me angry. If your thighs don't rub together, I should get first dibs on any machine in the place!!
Redladystl wrote 129 months ago:
LMBO!!THAT'S IT!!!!! YOU ARE A COMPLETE NUTT!!!! Love it, thanks for the laugh.
Jewel0124 wrote 129 months ago:
"Get off the floor, we are just getting started!" LOL, were you in the gym with me??
charm_quark wrote 129 months ago:
lol... I loved the ""Now class, pick up your balls." (The same trainers!)"
this is soooooo good!!!
baypathgradLyns wrote 129 months ago:
very funny, as usual :)
babygurl48 wrote 129 months ago:
Loved this!!! Too funny!! Atlthough gotta admit, my gym is pretty good! No funny stuff that I have seen!!

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