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Bad Trainer

A lot of people use exercise apps; Runkeeper, Endomondo. Nike and that sort of thing. Some of them give audible prompts when you use them. "Nice job!" "Great work!"

"You met your calorie goal!"

Mine tells me all the specifics of my run. In an electronic female voiceI hear; "Distance: 1 miles, Average Pace: 13 minutes, Heart rate: 145". Always make me smile when it says: 1 miles. After listening to mine for 3 or 4 years, I'd like to hear it say something new. "Good job, knucklehead... something like that.

That got me to thinking about audio prompt fails. There are some things I am GLAD it doesn't say.

Are you ready to move this morning! like Richard Simmons
Turn right, fool! like Mr. T
I think I have to pee. like Bart Simpson
Stick or snake? like Mel Gibson
Is that a donut? like Spiderman
Let's get your @$$ moving! like Freddy Kruger
Did you want to poop? like Bruce Willis
You expect credit for that, my pretty? Wicked Witch of the West
Ask yourself, was that 3 miles or 4? like Dirty Harry
__________ like Charlie Chaplin
You must be hungry. like Chewbacca

Got any for me?

Thanks for the votes and comments.

45 votes + -

36 comments:

MarkaStone wrote 68 months ago:
Yeah my app does the same. Quite often it gets sworn at when it tells me to keep going.
TenaciousTurtle44 wrote 68 months ago:
Left turn Clyde...no, your other left. Like husband says
rightoncommander wrote 68 months ago:
Just the facts! I don't want my app to motivate me. I usually don't even look at the thing, it's just there to log miles and calories, and maybe some goodies like cadence and aerobic efficiency to pore over later at my PC.
KelBgess wrote 68 months ago:
"If you don't post your workout to Facebook, did you really workout?" Like Morpheus/Laurence Fishburne from the Matrix.
mary19591959 wrote 68 months ago:
Lol
ILoveGingerNut wrote 68 months ago:
You are hilarious!!!! xxxx
MonicaA2013 wrote 68 months ago:
LOVE IT LMAO !!!
Pixiepower1 wrote 68 months ago:
:) LOL
jadefitnow wrote 68 months ago:
"Don't ever give up" like Jim Valvano :-)
litfam wrote 68 months ago:
Lul fresh komedi
runningforthetrain wrote 68 months ago:
"He's a winner, he knows how to win" Trump

or when faultering "He's a light weight"

"Winning" Charlie Sheen...

Love your post- keep-em coming:)
caroljoy08 wrote 68 months ago:
HA, the Geico Drill Seargeant.... run on over to mamby pamby land...

I had a Garmin watch, hiked for 2-3 hours, which recorded 1000's of steps. Got back to the cabin and after sitting on the couch for 15 minutes it says "MOVE". Not sure what I said, but it wasn't nice.
vanessa40 wrote 68 months ago:
Hi..
Just started reading your blog today..very funny :)
AmyWulfe wrote 68 months ago:

Anything hollered at me by R. Lee Ermey would get me moving! I once had an alarm that featured his voice telling me to drop and give him 20. Loudly. Pfft, as if I could even do ONE. I did, however, leap out of bed and yell "Yes, Drill Sergeant!!". :P
lousoulbody wrote 68 months ago:
How about "Move it Jacka$$" like the character Oscar from the TV series "Corner Gas"
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brandiuntz wrote 68 months ago:
I just "loved" back in the day when my Wii scale would say, "that's obese!".
KaseyWolf wrote 68 months ago:
I can't remember which app it was (one of the couch to 5k ones) but when I was first starting out I would be cussing out that electronic female voice while waiting for the "please slow your pace to a brisk walk" because I used to swear she was laughing at me and holding back on telling me.
Kullerva wrote 68 months ago:
Xena: Warrior Princess/Lucy Lawless: "Don't be sorry. Just improve." Motto of my life. :)
Anniepi66 wrote 68 months ago:
Caroljoy08, I have a Garmin HR now. It makes me really angry sometimes! I can be moving all over the place and it will buzz and read: Move!! I yell at it and ask it: What do you think I'm doing, idiot?! Plus, if I walk all over the grocery store, or any store for that matter, and push a cart it will not count my steps! I have to move my arms to make it count steps! I got it because it was waterproof and I could swim with it! Works in the water great.
dsjohndrow, as usual, you are funny and right on the money! Love your blog!
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